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BR: 5 Love Languages #276
08/31/10 06:56 AM
08/31/10 06:56 AM
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New Zealand
Lil Offline OP

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Dr Gary Chapman Receives Lifetime Achievement Award

Quote
This award is given annually to an individual or couple who exemplifies the work and legacy of H. Norman and Joyce Wright in marriage and family ministry. According to Eric Garcia, co-founder of AMFM, "Dr. Chapman has undoubtedly made a lasting impact on marriages and families with The 5 Love Languages, but his impact goes way beyond a book. He has served thousands of churches, encouraging them to strengthen their marriages and families, marriage and family is simply his DNA."


And jolly well done him.

The very first actual marriage improving book I read post D-day was 5LL. While I think it has limitations, I feel it opened me up to the concept of the love bank, and that my actions could have an effect on it.

Since I found MB only a few days before spending a week with my then WH, I used an abbreviated version of the LL questionnaire to work out WH's LL/EN's/whatever you want to call them.

One of the things I liked a lot about the book is that it is fairly simple, it's what I recommend to people if I think they are not ready for a MB type lesson. I gather Dr Chapman has writen other books in the same vein, but targeted at parents of children, and another specifically about apology.

He has a website - www.5lovelanguages.com I havent looked at it yet. He also has a facebook following, which I am one smile


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: BR: 5 Love Languages [Re: Lil] #285
08/31/10 08:19 AM
08/31/10 08:19 AM
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Lil Offline OP

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A-ha, found my made up LLQ
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ways to fill the "Emotional Love tank"

Love is a choice.

Words of Affirmation

Verbal compliments on appearance, skills, attributes, abilities. Verbally support and encourage decisions and goals. Empathy: "I know, I care, I am with you, how can I help you?" Kind words. Requests not demands.

Quality time

Giving undivided attention for periods of time. Dating. Walks.. Picnics. Concerts. Shared interests. Family game times. Holidays. Use Active Listening.

Quality activities need a) one person to want to do it, b) other person willing to do it, c) both know why you are doing it - to express love by being together.

Receiving gifts

Doesn’t matter if you’re a spender or a saver. Flower picked from roadside. Card - purchased or made, Single bloom from florist. Favourite biscuit. Anything that there has been a desire expressed for recently. An interesting stone or shell found during quality time together.

Acts of Service

Mowing lawns, cooking tea, wallpapering a room, cleaning car, vacuuming house, helping with jobs. Not done out of fear, guilt or resentment.

Physical touch

Holding hands. Back rubs. Sitting close on couch watching TV. Frequent hugs. Soft caresses. Physical intimacy beyond act of intercourse. Stroking leg. Massaging scalp. Placing hand on shoulder. Stroking face.

Questions

"I feel most love by my spouse when......"

What does your spouse fail to do that hurts you deeply?

What of the above languages do you request of your spouse most frequently?

In what of the ways above do you most express your love to your spouse?

In what area are you most comfortable expressing love to anyone?





AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: BR: 5 Love Languages [Re: Lil] #824
09/03/10 01:57 PM
09/03/10 01:57 PM
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QueeniesAdventures Offline
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I absolutely LOVE these books and in fact I just bought new editions for my H and me to work through together. There is a also a men's edition that I got for him.

Oh and there is one for children and the most awesome one of all - G-d speaks your love language.

I highly recommend these books.


Married 1-1-84 - D-day 5/14/07 - Recovery 8/1/09
I came here as skinsgal and became Queenie because G-d had plans for me, plans to prosper me.

Word(s) of the Week: Improving Communication In Marriage
Re: BR: 5 Love Languages [Re: QueeniesAdventures] #829
09/03/10 02:33 PM
09/03/10 02:33 PM
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Lildoggie, would you like it if I moved this thread to the "Books" forum? I think it would be more relevant there than in the "Forums" forum, since it is a book we are discussing.

I am a fan of the Five Love Languages, as well. I read this book some time after we had reconnected, and after I had read a couple of Harley books. I thought it was a very well-done book and immediately saw what my wife's Love Language was. It also opened my eyes to what might be important to my son, which helped me form a stronger relationship with him, I think.

I am very interested to see if anyone has written about the 5LL in terms of MBTI personality types. It is my belief that certain Love Languages will be most commonly associated with certain personality types, and it would be interesting to see if that is the case.


**Formerly known as Cuthbert Calculus**

"There is enough sadness in life without having fellows like Gussie Fink-Nottle going about in sea boots."

Glad Tidings

Gladstone's Sucess Story
Re: BR: 5 Love Languages [Re: QueeniesAdventures] #904
09/03/10 07:28 PM
09/03/10 07:28 PM
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right here waiting Offline
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HELLO QUEENIE!!! So good to see you here!

Thanks for the tips on other Chapman books. I'll add one more I thought had merit: The Five Languages of Apology (explores what makes an apology seem "real" to different people).

Re: BR: 5 Love Languages [Re: right here waiting] #1001
09/04/10 05:56 AM
09/04/10 05:56 AM
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QueeniesAdventures Offline
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Hi Right,

How are you? So glad to see you. I think about you often and just appreciate you so much for all the support you gave me.

Your welcome and thanks for the tip on the Apology book. That actually sounds very interesting and I'm gonne check it out.

How's the east coast these days?


Married 1-1-84 - D-day 5/14/07 - Recovery 8/1/09
I came here as skinsgal and became Queenie because G-d had plans for me, plans to prosper me.

Word(s) of the Week: Improving Communication In Marriage
Re: BR: 5 Love Languages [Re: Lil] #1012
09/04/10 01:44 PM
09/04/10 01:44 PM
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Chapman also has a weekly radio show. You can get the podcasts for free on itunes or listen to them on his website if you don't use itunes. He often talks with other authors about their books. It's a great resource.

Re: BR: 5 Love Languages [Re: Lifechoice] #1015
09/04/10 02:06 PM
09/04/10 02:06 PM
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Pacific Northwest
QueeniesAdventures Offline
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Thanks LC


Married 1-1-84 - D-day 5/14/07 - Recovery 8/1/09
I came here as skinsgal and became Queenie because G-d had plans for me, plans to prosper me.

Word(s) of the Week: Improving Communication In Marriage
Re: BR: 5 Love Languages [Re: QueeniesAdventures] #5717
09/23/10 03:10 AM
09/23/10 03:10 AM
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ForeverHers Offline
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The books are good, but I have had some experience with Dr. Chapman that wasn't so good.

My wife and I attended a Valentine's Day dinner about 2 years ago at his home church. He was the main speaker but virtually the whole speech was an advertisement to buy his book (conveniently out in the foyer) as we were leaving.

His secretary is also a member of my church and her husband is a client of mine.

Anyway, if people find things in his books that are helpful to their marriages that is a GOOD thing.


In Christ-like love at all times.

So that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. (2Cor 1:4b)

Re: BR: 5 Love Languages [Re: ForeverHers] #5721
09/23/10 03:22 AM
09/23/10 03:22 AM
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Lifechoice Offline
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FH, Any idea what was the focus of the speech suppose to be?

My DH and I went to his marriage seminar and, although his books were available if people wanted them, the focus was how to grow your marriage and not on the books.

I credit Dr Chapman for getting my marriage on track.

Re: BR: 5 Love Languages [Re: Lifechoice] #5725
09/23/10 03:33 AM
09/23/10 03:33 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,569
New Zealand
Lil Offline OP

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http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/

Questionnaires for: Husbands, wives, parents of teens, singles and children.

Hmm, might do the parent of teen one..


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: BR: 5 Love Languages [Re: Lil] #5738
09/23/10 04:18 AM
09/23/10 04:18 AM
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Lifechoice Offline
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Lil,

Once my DH and I learned about the concept of the love languages we knew immediately what each of our girls love language was. It's amazing how much better a parent you can be when you know.

Have you read The Five Love Languages of Teenagers?

Re: BR: 5 Love Languages [Re: QueeniesAdventures] #5985
09/23/10 09:31 PM
09/23/10 09:31 PM
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right here waiting Offline
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Hi Queenie. Sorry I missed your post a while back. Things on the East Coast are going swimmingly. So glad things are looking up for you.

About The Five Love Languages...only problem I had when I read it was that almost every one struck a chord in me (4 of the 5, I think.) Couldn't tease out THE one. Maybe that's why I never felt fully apologized to, although as time goes on, that has become less and less important.

Mostly, I think, that's b/c H is filling my needs for O&H and conversation like never before. I am working his needs too, so mutual trust is at an all-time high, making apology, well, irrelevant.

Re: BR: 5 Love Languages [Re: right here waiting] #6035
09/24/10 12:44 AM
09/24/10 12:44 AM
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For some odd reason (I am brain dead?), I posted this under "Programs" this morning. No wonder I couldn't find him!

***************************************

Gary Chapman!! Not sure why he's not on here! Maybe the link to his website is elsewhere. I know I've talked about his books in the book section, but he also has a great website, does a radio program, hosts seminars and sends out a "Love Language Minute" newsletter that often really stops me cold and makes me think when it arrives in my mailbox. Here is a link to today's:

Seeking Reconcilliation http://myemail.constantcontact.com/Love-Language-Minute---Seeking-Reco...


His website URL is

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

Re: BR: 5 Love Languages [Re: OurHouse] #6320
09/25/10 02:04 AM
09/25/10 02:04 AM
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Pacific Northwest
QueeniesAdventures Offline
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Hi Right, I'm glad you are doing well. Life is just going by so fast and I wish there was time to just sit and relax.

Happy weekend!!!!!!!!!


Married 1-1-84 - D-day 5/14/07 - Recovery 8/1/09
I came here as skinsgal and became Queenie because G-d had plans for me, plans to prosper me.

Word(s) of the Week: Improving Communication In Marriage
Re: BR: 5 Love Languages [Re: Lifechoice] #6357
09/25/10 04:25 AM
09/25/10 04:25 AM
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Originally Posted by Lifechoice
FH, Any idea what was the focus of the speech suppose to be?

My DH and I went to his marriage seminar and, although his books were available if people wanted them, the focus was how to grow your marriage and not on the books.

I credit Dr Chapman for getting my marriage on track.


I don't remember now what the "topic" was supposed to be but I seem to recall it was centered around the premise of the "new book". He certainly talked about the topic, but it was heavily laced with an advertisement theme.

It could also be it was his home church and thus, potentially a "captive" audience. I don't know for sure. All I know is that my wife and I both heard the same thing and were quite "turned off."



In Christ-like love at all times.

So that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. (2Cor 1:4b)

Re: BR: 5 Love Languages [Re: right here waiting] #6570
09/26/10 02:30 PM
09/26/10 02:30 PM
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Originally Posted by right here waiting
Hi Queenie. Sorry I missed your post a while back. Things on the East Coast are going swimmingly. So glad things are looking up for you.

About The Five Love Languages...only problem I had when I read it was that almost every one struck a chord in me (4 of the 5, I think.) Couldn't tease out THE one. Maybe that's why I never felt fully apologized to, although as time goes on, that has become less and less important.

Mostly, I think, that's b/c H is filling my needs for O&H and conversation like never before. I am working his needs too, so mutual trust is at an all-time high, making apology, well, irrelevant.


RHW,

RE the part I made bold: We had the same thing happen with my DH. When we were at Dr Chapman's seminar my DH asked him about it. He said there are many people who really can't choose just one or 2. He said this isn't always the case, but many times it has to do with their upbrining and how the parents tending to naturally cover all five all the time. A person then gets use to all of them and can't pick which one stands out. We did find this to be very true for my DH.

Of course, when my DH said he was going to talk to Dr Chapman I told him Dr C was probably going to tell him he can't pick one because he is emotionally detached. I was teasing him, well just sort of teasing because I think he IS emotionally detached. smile

On the other hand, I am cut and dry "Quality Time". Shoot so much so my name could have easily been in the book, LOL

The 5 Love Languages answered the big WHY question for me. After I read it I knew EXACTLY why I had an A and why it was with the person it was. blush


Re: BR: 5 Love Languages [Re: Lifechoice] #6951
09/28/10 02:08 AM
09/28/10 02:08 AM
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I loved this book and although I read it 6 years ago, I still think about a person's "love language" when dealing with them.

I have a colleague at work who's love language is definitely "affirmation" based on how she reacts to certain things in the office. I try to use that knowledge to my advantage and it works very well.



Married my best friend 7/23/05



Re: BR: 5 Love Languages [Re: *~aeri~*] #11440
10/17/10 09:44 PM
10/17/10 09:44 PM
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I read this in June of this year. Amazing book, and it was amazing to see things explained this way. So simple, yet so powerful. I never understood this concept before this book, and didn't know what my LL's were. My wife and I turned out to be the same, physical touch. My close second is quality time, neither of which I can get from my wife in our current state. It's really pretty depressing when you understand what it is you need but you can't get it.

I think this book should be required for anyone getting married!

Re: BR: 5 Love Languages [Re: AnotherShot] #34785
12/13/10 01:09 AM
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My wife and I have now made this our default wedding gift to every young couple we know. Much more useful than a third toaster.


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