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Re: Return of the Goddess
[Re: Mimi]
#445594
05/22/21 10:22 PM
05/22/21 10:22 PM
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,581
Ace
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Posts: 3,581
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Still married to my husband, 45 years in July, still think about the affair though although it was ages ago. I know what you mean, Mimi, Lil and Chrysalis. My situation was for only 6 months but the 4 d-days is what causes the trauma to continue. That's why it took nearly 13 years of recovery efforts ---and H's near death experience---to finally get to recoverED.
One of the reasons I didn't think we were recoverED was because I still remembered the affair and occasionally felt mild triggers with little seemingly obscure things.
I like your perspective, Mimi, in that the blessings we've received, like having grandchildren together, makes all the recovery efforts worthwhile.
When H nearly died, his confessions of things the kids and I would have never known helped solidify our being recoverED. It was if a peace and calm came over my present and our future so that the past no longer mattered.
I'm curious if anyone has started a thread on MA dealing with comparisons of being "In Recovery" and "Being RecoverED?"
We're overcoming decades of marital dysfunction including abuse, passive aggression, gas-lighting & infidelity (both of us). Our Weird and Ongoing Story
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Re: Return of the Goddess
[Re: Mimi]
#445600
05/23/21 01:50 AM
05/23/21 01:50 AM
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,569 New Zealand
Lil

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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,569
New Zealand
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BUT I still do some nutty things that y’all would understand and I have never told anybody. The craziest thing I have done is kinda keep up with the OW. I kinda wish that I could tell my husband about her because she looks really bad, looks old and gained a zillion pounds
Ah snap. I checked out OW on Facebook about 5 years ago and she was so incredibly fat......looked even more poor white trash than she did back then. Had gotten married, and divorced again too. I will never tell Flick this. As far as flash backs, about once a year I will look at him with so much rage inside and think much that isnt beneficial to either of us. It usually goes away after a few minutes, mostly by remembering he is an amazing man, I am very lucky to have his unwavering support in anything I try, and there is no chance of that situation happening again. Mostly because I will kill every one involved  Getting back to goddessing, I bought a new pair of boots today, to wear with a pair of pants I bought last week which hopefully will arrive this week in the post, said post being it's own random timing thing since covid. I guess the computers got sick?
Last edited by Lil; 05/23/21 04:18 AM. Reason: about the diameter of a medium bristle on a toothbrush
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Re: Return of the Goddess
[Re: Mimi]
#445606
05/23/21 02:16 PM
05/23/21 02:16 PM
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,581
Ace
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Want to hear something funny? Well, I guess it can be considered funny. OW did get married a few years ago and her husband asked to friend my H on Facebook. My H asked: who in the heck is he? That is kinda funny, but after my experience with OW fueling her addiction to my W?H through her friendship with me, I'm not so sure it's harmless.
Why do you think OW even mentioned your H? Or might there have been some other obscure reason that did not even involved OW? It is a small world and stranger things have happened.
Ace
P.S. If you're still reading this thread Sunday morning, May 23, Hi Starfish! 
Last edited by Ace; 05/23/21 02:17 PM. Reason: Didn't see that Star was posting, only that she was reading!!!! Yes it is great to see Mimi and Lil and hopefully other MB veterans and MA posters coming back!
We're overcoming decades of marital dysfunction including abuse, passive aggression, gas-lighting & infidelity (both of us). Our Weird and Ongoing Story
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Re: Return of the Goddess
[Re: SmilingWife]
#445616
05/23/21 04:27 PM
05/23/21 04:27 PM
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,581
Ace
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We all have to make peace with our choices. To me, that's one of the beauties of this forum, and, to an extent other forums.
We all have unique situations and one size does NOT fit all. But it's great when others are open to new thoughts and ideas that might---or may not---be the ideal solution to any given scenario.
For me, an ultimatum when I was done was what I needed. I didn't care if DH agreed or not. That approach might not work for others, but that's OK. It's the choice we make at the time based on our own perceptions. By my making peace with my choices, my DH saw a new "me" and chose to change, too. That's one reason we're still together.
Another aspect is that when I chose to change, it helped DH see that I could make better choices and it inspired him to look closer at his choices and actions. We changed together, which was very helpful.
Ace
We're overcoming decades of marital dysfunction including abuse, passive aggression, gas-lighting & infidelity (both of us). Our Weird and Ongoing Story
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Re: Return of the Goddess
[Re: Mimi]
#445618
05/23/21 06:03 PM
05/23/21 06:03 PM
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,581
Ace
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I learned that I can live without him. I made it very clear that he enhances my life but I can do without him if I have to do that..... I felt like a widow / When DH nearly died in 2019, I experienced this pseudo reality. I called to make sure our insurance plans were up to date. But I did not update the rest of our Estate Plans until much later....like, just before 2020 Christmas. Details on another forum. I actually pictured myself as a widow.....because I nearly was.
I don't wish that experience on anyone but it was very eye-opening. It was probably good that I was working full-time while being a caregiver so I didn't have time to obsess on the dire situation I was in...WE were in. It could have made it much worse.
To clarify, the 2 times he nearly died, I was with him in the hospital, not at my office working. I worked evenings and weekends when DD was home in case we had another emergency.
Another thought....when DH collapsed, the trauma made my mind go blank, almost like during DDays. I could not think to give our home address to the dispatcher. Thank God for Enhanced 911 and our home phone landline. (I think the GPS on cell phones works in the same way, now....if it is activated).
We're overcoming decades of marital dysfunction including abuse, passive aggression, gas-lighting & infidelity (both of us). Our Weird and Ongoing Story
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Re: Return of the Goddess
[Re: Mimi]
#445620
05/23/21 09:19 PM
05/23/21 09:19 PM
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 47
Mimi
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Re: Return of the Goddess
[Re: Mimi]
#445621
05/23/21 09:21 PM
05/23/21 09:21 PM
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 47
Mimi
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