Gosh I should have picked a different title. (As my husband's affair started while running tests in tunnels on a locomotive) Anyhow not sure if its the right place for this, so please move, if needed.
My husband's affair started nearly 2 years ago on June 8th and went on through July 21st. Fairly short I know but devastating nevertheless. I didn't find out till August 28th 2018 over a year later and then got the trickle truth...it pulled the rug under my feet and I have never been so devastated and exhausted in my whole life, including when I lost our baby and when our son was born with a vary rare condition. We have been working very hard on repairing our marriage. My husband was actually the one pushing for mc and ic because he didn't want to give up on us, when I was ready to just let it all go. The pain was just too much. I couldn't even think how bad it would be for our children, all I felt was pain and sadness. I started IC and a support group in September and in Jan we started mc together. My husband also did also some counseling to find out what made him vulnerable to an affair and to look deep down into himself and his personality and things he needed to change. We went to a marriage conference from our church, which lead us to another course on love and respect, which really was eyeopening to both of us. I know when I started this journey, that I never wanted to be on but had no say in, I was looking for hope. i was looking for couples who made it, to tell me there is hope in this. This is why I am posting today. Are we out of the woods yet? Far from it. But I finally can see some light. Do I still rage 8month in. Absolutely. Do I still get hurt? Absolutely! I think as a ws they don't really understand what goes gon in the BS, their timeline and expectaions are as off as the expectations of the BS, who thinks the ws needs to do everything, suck up everything the BS throws their way and live in shame and guilt forevermore. No the only thing I am asking now as a BS is emapthy and compassion and yes we are still working on that. In fact that one is still very much a sticking point for us. Do I still cry? Yes but not every day. I can find joy again. I can laugh and enjoy myself and push the memories away for a while. I learnt to become stronger. I am learning what I can control and what I can't. I am learning to question and challenge the thoughts that pop up understaning now that they are just thoughts and not truths. I am learning that feelings are really just visitors and only stay for a while. I learnt to set my boundaries and guys i know that some here might seem a bit harsh in their advice. They even might seem bitter but they have seen their fair share and setting firm boundaries and sticking to them really is key, they are giving that advice because they have seen it work over and over again. It is a learning process for both WS and BS and both need to be willing to work and put it everything they have got and sometimes more. But there can be hope for a happier future and I hope that some day, i can look back and say, I am so proud of us that we made it through and leave it all behind and I very much hope that someone,who is just starting on this journey as devastated as I was, can find comfort in this. To everyone here. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being voice of reason, for being the shining lighthouse in the dark. I am grateful to have found you.