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Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: Orchid2] #436479
06/09/18 01:37 AM
06/09/18 01:37 AM
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SmilingWife Offline
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Originally Posted by Orchid2
Hey MG & SW,

I find your discussion interesting but this thread is about LG and we need to be here for her now.

Can you take your discussion on a separate thread maybe in TD?

Thanks,
Orchid


Well, I think the discussion has ended naturally, but LG specifically said we should keep it going here if we wanted.

Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: LadyGrey] #436490
06/09/18 03:53 AM
06/09/18 03:53 AM
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Blair Offline
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Hugs LG. Thinking of you.

Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: LadyGrey] #436509
06/10/18 04:12 AM
06/10/18 04:12 AM
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believer Offline
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Sincere condolences, LG. I'm relieved that you were there.

I'm a little stunned by your husband telling you to keep your **mouth shut. You have a very rare quality. Being authentic.


"I feel sad that I focused so much on his potential and so little on mine."
Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: believer] #436510
06/11/18 01:29 AM
06/11/18 01:29 AM
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LadyGrey Offline OP
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Originally Posted by believer
I'm a little stunned by your husband telling you to keep your **mouth shut. You have a very rare quality. Being authentic.


Well, he was right. He's been around my family for 42 years, and he knows how it works.

The one brother is in ER doc so he's focused on keeping Daddy alive, and the other brother is a palliative care doc so he's focused on supporting Daddy through a dignified death.

My older lawyer sister is the executor and holder of powers of attorney and the only one on the scene.

I, on the other hand, am an essentially unaccomplished youngest child.

No one was in a million years going to listen to me.


Bidden or not bidden God is present.
Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: LadyGrey] #436515
06/11/18 12:41 PM
06/11/18 12:41 PM
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holdingontoit Offline
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Originally Posted by LadyGrey
No one was in a million years going to listen to me.


Maybe not there. But here we listen to you. And respect you. And care about you. Not the same as "real" family but better than a punch in the nose!


Solutions? There are none. There are decisions.
Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: LadyGrey] #436522
06/11/18 06:48 PM
06/11/18 06:48 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
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NewEveryDay Offline
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LW I saw this and it made me think of your thread here. I am not sure how you saw your H's comment, as well-meaning advice, as trying to stifle you, or something else altogether?

[Linked Image]


"I have everything I need." and "I am exactly where I am supposed to be." ~Louise Hays
Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: holdingontoit] #436523
06/11/18 07:17 PM
06/11/18 07:17 PM
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Orchid2 Offline
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Originally Posted by holdingontoit
Maybe not there. But here we listen to you. And respect you. And care about you. Not the same as "real" family but better than a punch in the nose!


Ditto!!!!


Orchid
Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: SmilingWife] #436525
06/11/18 07:57 PM
06/11/18 07:57 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,203
Monterey, CA
Fiddler Offline
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The aforementioned discussion has been moved to the Thunderdome.


"Grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know that one is me."
Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: LadyGrey] #436630
06/19/18 12:16 AM
06/19/18 12:16 AM
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LadyGrey Offline OP
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LadyGrey  Offline OP
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One must stay ever alert to the dreaded Green Thread Killer..

I clean the lint screen on my dryer before every use. I cannot remember a time in my life when I was so cavalier — so contemptuous of the rules — that I even considered such heresy as running a second load.

I was flabbergasted that my brother’s dryer lint screen was an inch thick. After all they have been through, why take such an needless risk?

We are 0/2 on dryer fires. I’ve never known anyone who had a dryer fire or read a story, fiction or nonfiction, about a dryer fire and yet it remains a very real possibility to me.

We never, ever worry about the right stuff so I’ve created this worry rubric where I worry about stuff as a talisman against it ever happening.

Except I know that’s not the way it works.


Bidden or not bidden God is present.
Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: LadyGrey] #436641
06/20/18 02:45 PM
06/20/18 02:45 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
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SFB Offline
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LG:

We bought a new washer and dryer about 6 years ago. We clean the lint filter every time.

And the dryer was NOISY. You shuddered when you turned it on, because it was just LOUD. Close the cabinets, and then the door, and your could still hear it though out the house....

Decided to finally call a repair person. Takes it apart. Seems that something, a drivers license and some other things, got past the lint screen and was creating pressure on the blower fan...

Problem solved. Potential for a dryer fire? Really, really high...

Glad your brothers house was safe.

We do not run the dryer except when someone is home.

SFB


Finding an ethical way to deal with pain, fear, disappointment etc..is part of the experience of becoming a stronger person...one who is driven by compassion instead of compulsion...ie I have a legitimate reason to be stressed out right now...however, my response to it will determine how others percieve me, and myself. (quoting Star*Fish)
Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: SFB] #436644
06/21/18 01:57 AM
06/21/18 01:57 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
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Blair Offline
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Originally Posted by SFB
We do not run the dryer except when someone is home.


I also don't run the dryer unless someone is home.

I know a great washer/dryer repair guy that comes and fixes everything. He told me he's found a lot of odd things in washers and dryers - socks, wallets, bolts, sticks, duck tape, etc. Get a good repair guy that can come check it out for a reasonable cost and make sure nothing else is jammed in it.

Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: LadyGrey] #437036
07/07/18 03:51 PM
07/07/18 03:51 PM
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LadyGrey Offline OP
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I have this crazy idea in the midst of Trump’s national gaslighting on a scale unknown since Hitler that everyone should have to actually live their values or they drop dead.

This is a correlary to Lady Grey’s theoretical rule that everyone should get to cause X amount of misery and then they drop dead. No one would ever know what X is but everyone would know you drop dead when you cross that line.

That would straighten people up right quick. Refuse to let someone over in traffic? That might be your X.

Lots of folks have no values or have values that are antithetical to mine, which is fine but I want to know who they are.

I hope I die soon. That may seem like a non sequiter but it’s not. We are going backwards as a nation and it is literally breaking my heart.

I had no idea how much I loved my country until she left me.

I didn’t understand AT ALL that it was possible to lose her. I’ve had to come to terms with a lot of loss over the last 16 months, and this feels the unkindest of all because I blindly, stupidly assumed I would leave my children and in turn their children in my country and they would grow and thrive.

This is NOT my country. My country doesn’t separate infants from their mothers and lose track of where their babies are whilst being able to return whatever paltry material possessions they have.

Except that’s what we did. And what you DO is who you are.

And I feel a sense of shame that is disproportionate to my blame.

I wish death would liberate me from this national nightmare but I’m disgustingly healthy.


Bidden or not bidden God is present.
Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: LadyGrey] #437039
07/07/18 05:41 PM
07/07/18 05:41 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
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NewEveryDay Offline
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Lg I was thinking of you all week because of your profession, can you help some of those 18 month olds with no legal representation? I read many toddlers are left to represent themselves.


"I have everything I need." and "I am exactly where I am supposed to be." ~Louise Hays
Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: LadyGrey] #437060
07/09/18 04:52 PM
07/09/18 04:52 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,676
SoCal
Chrysalis Offline
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The ACLU is taking volunteer attorneys and providing training in immigration law. I signed up to help with a SoCal case.


Chrysalis
Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: LadyGrey] #438576
09/20/18 02:10 AM
09/20/18 02:10 AM
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LadyGrey Offline OP
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Daddy died in the spring. I was there. It was March, April or May -- likely April but I actively avoid finding our when. I have no idea why.

John and Daddy died within roughly a year of one another, and John is WAY more dead than Daddy is.

I've never seen anyone die. I saw my paternal grandmother in the coffin and vowed never again to view a dead person.

And yet there I was because what were my options? I was downstairs getting grilled cheeses for everyone -- the grilled cheeses at Baylor Heart hospital are ridiculously good -- when I got the text from my brother that they were about to turn off the oxygen.

I hesitated -- there's that lovely short order cook who has made me many grilled cheeses and will he get charged for this if I leave (that does happen) or go stand around the bed whilst Daddy died.

I chose the latter mainly because of FOMO -- I wasn't going to be left out by my siblings, period.


Bidden or not bidden God is present.
Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: LadyGrey] #438578
09/20/18 03:15 AM
09/20/18 03:15 AM
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NewEveryDay Offline
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hug I can only imagine how hard it must’ve been to be there. I’m sure it was a comfort to your Dad to have you there with him.


"I have everything I need." and "I am exactly where I am supposed to be." ~Louise Hays
Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: LadyGrey] #438579
09/20/18 07:31 AM
09/20/18 07:31 AM
Joined: Jan 2015
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MaidUpName Offline
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So sorry LG.

I’ve been there too recently. My Dad’s still with me, not the the broken, confused, scared Dad but the spirit of the strong, dignified rock that he was.

You're in my prayers


You have brains in your head
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own and you know what you know
And YOU are the one who'll decide where you go
Dr Seuss
Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: LadyGrey] #438581
09/20/18 08:12 AM
09/20/18 08:12 AM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 10,709
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Orchid2 Offline
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Orchid2  Offline
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HI
Seeing and experience the death of a loved one up close and personal is hard. My grandmother was the 1st for me to experience it. I had gone to many a funeral but losing her was hard. She was a good person and a great kind of grandma. smile I miss her dearly.

My mom's passing was very hard on me for many reasons. My father's death was hard for the most offensive of reasons, which may put us as having different experiences but he was my parent and I mourned his loss.

Your experience of your dad's passing may change how you view things, may be allow you to accept and understand why we suffer as we do. Know even if we have been through these kinds of experiences whether there is more to life or not.

It does enhance one's perspective.

Several of us have lost parents recently. We gain some comfort from those around us who truly understand what we are going through and the others who are able to reach out and empathize with us and for us.

When my mother passed, I had just left the hospital. She was comatose towards the end but she was alive when I left. I had not even dropped off my friend who had stayed with me. I turned around and drove right back to the hospital.

When my grandmother passed, I was the only one at the dining table that had a twinge that shook me right as I was sitting. My mom asked me what was wrong, I couldn't really explain and later we found out that was just about the time she died. Sigh that was a shocking experience for me. My grandmother and I had a deep connection.

Does the comfort of knowing our loved ones are not suffering from their illnesses anymore? It may a bit. It also hurts a lot. Understanding both ends of that and all in-between may help.

LG, we are here for you, ok?

Hugz,
Orchid


Orchid
Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: LadyGrey] #438596
09/20/18 11:53 PM
09/20/18 11:53 PM
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Blair Offline
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Hugs, hon. This is heavy stuff to handle. We're thinking of you.

Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: LadyGrey] #438604
09/21/18 02:25 PM
09/21/18 02:25 PM
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,963
South
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Oblivious2678 Offline
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Our loved ones know us well. My belief is he wanted you there. He knew you needed to be even though you didn’t. It’s unexplainable to us, difficult to understand, but I find a comforting feeling knowing that even though they are no longer physically present, they are all around us spiritually. They never leave us.

Carry that comfort and love with you everywhere you go. Live the life they would want you to live. They will live it through you.

Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: Oblivious2678] #438655
09/25/18 01:55 AM
09/25/18 01:55 AM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 4,640
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LadyGrey Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Oblivious2678
Our loved ones know us well.


Did he? I have no idea.

Circa when I was 27 I was wearing a royal blue short sleeved cotton sweater and a red paisley skirt and I found myself standing in the right doorway at the back of of my parents' house and my mother said:

"Your father and I have never loved you."

I turned my gaze to my dad and asked, "is that true Daddy?"

And he said, "I don't know baby."

I should have divorced them right then. I get that such a thing is not possible, but it should be.

My relationship with my father broke long before that.

I was at the same college (Wa Hoo Wa!) that my adored older brother had attended and I had years of hearing how wonderful he was, and, in particular, to my lonely teenage self, how many friends my brother had.

So when my parents came for the one parents weekend they were able to attend, I made reservations and invited lots of friends to lots of expensive meals. I had no idea my parents lived one paycheck away from disaster for decades. It is crystal clear in hindsight.

My dad got mad, probably after a few martinis, and called me a "prima donna." Was I? Probably. Maybe. More thought needed on that point.

We parted a couple of days later and he handed me a $100 bill and I took it.

I was trying to prove to them that I had friends, just like my brother, not understanding the financial burden that my choices placed on my parents.

My dad wrote me off that day that I took the $100 to take back those words and I wrote him, and in ways myself, off when I took it in exchange for never having to talk about it again.

SAD!


Bidden or not bidden God is present.
Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: LadyGrey] #438659
09/25/18 03:52 AM
09/25/18 03:52 AM
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Posts: 10,709
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Orchid2 Offline
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HI
What a cruel thing for a parent to say to their child. I briefly dated a guy whose mother told him basically the same thing. It impacted his life.

I'm sorry you had to bear the brunt of such a rude attitude. You though have proved yourself to be a person who have had a positive impact on many that would make most parents proud. smile

While we don't get to choose our parents, we can improve our lot in life to some degree. I'm glad you did. smile

hug

Orchid


Orchid
Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: LadyGrey] #438667
09/25/18 12:37 PM
09/25/18 12:37 PM
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Posts: 6,958
holdingontoit Offline
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Let us be very clear LG: you are enough. You are lovable. Anyone who communicated or communicates to you that you are not was and is wrong. Period. Full stop.


Solutions? There are none. There are decisions.
Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: LadyGrey] #438679
09/25/18 08:13 PM
09/25/18 08:13 PM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 4,640
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LadyGrey Offline OP
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I’m getting there Hold. Decided that my ministry in life is being available. There’s something to be said for that. Whether they are consciously aware of it or not, I suspect the people for whom I am available get some comfort from the fact.

There was a time in my life where I would have been bitter and martyrish about that. Now I’m just grateful that providence acting through my husband has seen fit to give me that luxury. I can’t imagine how hard it was for my sister to leave my brother who was trying to die to go back to work a month after John died. I’d have had to quit.

In between being available, I’m trying to do whatever I want which is harder than it looks.

The Kavanaugh thing has got me in flashback hell, a place I thought I’d left behind long ago. I don’t WANT to remember that stuff. It was bad enough when Spanky got elected (in case you were mildly curious, when a man takes your genitals in his hand and twists it really hurts) and now we get one on the Supreme Court?

I tried not to take it seriously when I was sexually assaulted — I was drunk and so was he and what’s a few bruises on my upper arms and wrists between friends?

I can’t imagine how I would deal with it if all the sudden Bill was a SCOTUS nominee.

Kavanaugh will get confirmed because, really, I don’t care, do you?


Bidden or not bidden God is present.
Re: My Gratitude Journal [Re: LadyGrey] #438680
09/25/18 08:46 PM
09/25/18 08:46 PM
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 1,386
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TC_Manhattan Offline
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Yes. I do.

And it SUCKS. So much for boundaries, and respect.

I guess respect died with Aretha.

Once upon a time, I had a t-shirt that read "ERA won't go away."

Hah. God knows where that shirt ended up.

Still waiting after all these years...

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