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Re: Tonight's note to my siblings [Re: Orchid2] #424147
06/04/17 09:07 PM
06/04/17 09:07 PM
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SmilingWife Offline
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That is great news LG. So glad your dd will be with you.

We are all thinking of you and hoping for the best.

Re: Tonight's note to my siblings [Re: Orchid2] #424178
06/05/17 02:36 PM
06/05/17 02:36 PM
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holdingontoit Offline
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Glad to hear your brother is making some progress and you are wisely practicing self care. Praying we will continue to get positive reports but we are here for you regardless of the news.


Solutions? There are none. There are decisions.
Re: Tonight's note to my siblings [Re: holdingontoit] #424191
06/05/17 09:07 PM
06/05/17 09:07 PM
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wiser_now Offline
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Came to check on you and your brother. Such good news, all around. Glad your daughter will be there. Add me to the throng of those wishing he and you well. hug


A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short. --Andre Maurois

Re: Tonight's note to my siblings [Re: wiser_now] #424250
06/07/17 04:06 AM
06/07/17 04:06 AM
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believer Offline
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Thinking of you and your brother, LG. How are things going?


"I feel sad that I focused so much on his potential and so little on mine."
Miracles happen [Re: believer] #424541
06/11/17 11:18 PM
06/11/17 11:18 PM
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LadyGrey Offline OP
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He's going to live.

I can't quite believe it. He was on ECMO for 6 days and they got him off the paralytic and slowly withdrew the sedation and he fully woke up on Tuesday with a LOT of opinions but since he was still intubated he was unable to express them.

Which started 48 hours of 20 questions, the game my family played for hours on long car drives.

Don't mean to brag but I was the best at it. He and I think a great deal alike and I was a litigator for many years and know how to phrase a yes or no question and think sequentially.

"Is there something we can do to make you more comfortable?" then you go down the body until you figure out he wants pillows under his knees to relieve the pressure on his L1 compression fracture.

His strongest opinion was that he wanted the intubation out. "HIS BODY" he screamed at me. Since i totally understood and totally agreed with him that it was his call (remember he's an ER doc so he knows the meaning of all the numbers) I had to advocate for him against his doctor and his wife's opinions. They wanted to leave it in for another day (day 17 -- after 14 days they usually do a trache) and he wasn't having it. Period.

I articulated to his attending and his wife that while we could stand there and look at him and think "yea, that really sucks" what they didn't understand was that the problem wasn't being intubated -- the problem was loss of control over his body and his medical care. He started nodding so vigorously his head was snapping.

He made like he was going to pull the damn thing out himself and the doctor relented. It was SO something I would have done. Actually, according to my daughter, it is something I actually did do last summer with the throat surgery, making like I was going to rip the IV out unless I got to talk to the surgeon.

He knows he almost died. He says it every so often like it's fresh news.

He also had to re-remember that John is dead. I said something shamefully facile to him when he spoke of it to me -- something like, "I know, but right now you have to focus on getting better" and immediately apologized and told him we were all grieving the unfathomable together.

He wasn't there for the 16 days when he was trying to die so he has no idea what we went through. He remembers nothing. Within a day of waking up, he started complaining about going home. He's convinced that if he stays in the hospital he is going to die and I pointed out that I had seen him near death and he wasn't anywhere close to that.

The man can't stand up without the assistance of two physical therapists and a walker and instead of humbly accepting the gift he's been given and embracing the therapies to get him stronger, he's whining.

In that respect, we are different. If someone told me I needed to do 100 arm lifts and 100 leg lifts a day to get strong enough to be paroled to a rehab facility, I would do 150.

Anyhoo, I left Houston for CA for a family graduation which I will celebrate but not actually attend. My niece doesn't care and I decided that unless it is one of my actual children graduating, I'm not going to any more graduations. Boundaries, right?

My husband has accepted the job in Houston on condition that he will commute for 9 months then move the company to Austin or Denver. I actually stood up for myself -- I told my husband on the day my brother went on ECMO that I didn't want to live in Houston -- it is a place of sadness and grief and enormous fear and roaches and traffic and flatness and heat and middle school.

AND I still get my apartment in Denver -- or at least that's MY position. Since he will be commuting he won't know much until I'm ready to sign the lease. Radical honesty? Maybe next year.

Last edited by LadyGrey; 06/11/17 11:20 PM.

Bidden or not bidden God is present.
Re: Miracles happen [Re: LadyGrey] #424542
06/11/17 11:53 PM
06/11/17 11:53 PM
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Miranda Offline
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LG

Prayers get answered. What a wonderful thing.

Thanks for posting that update. I'm so relieved to be able to let up on God for a bit!


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: Miracles happen [Re: Miranda] #424543
06/12/17 12:51 AM
06/12/17 12:51 AM
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LivingWell Offline
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Miracles do happen and I'm happy for you and your whole extended family that you're getting one now.

Funny, Miranda. Lol!

LG, I'm so glad to hear that you're making plans to take care of your needs while your H takes care of his business needs. You guys can get through the upheaval to your lives!

Re: Miracles happen [Re: LivingWell] #424545
06/12/17 01:24 AM
06/12/17 01:24 AM
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SmilingWife Offline
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LG that is fabulous news. So happy. Looks like Ally was right. smile

Re: Miracles happen [Re: SmilingWife] #424548
06/12/17 03:28 AM
06/12/17 03:28 AM
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LG

It's funny that you say that "He was trying to die." I always say that. It's my trademark at work.

I find that when it comes to extubation, patients know best. I've had a handful of patients pull their own tube out, and they have never been wrong. He's so much better off without a trach etc, he's well on his way. Recovery will be long, he's decinditioned and grumpy and whiny, but that's how men ALWAYS are. I'm happy for you and your family.

Stay positive

Re: Miracles happen [Re: SmilingWife] #424549
06/12/17 03:31 AM
06/12/17 03:31 AM
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LadyGrey Offline OP
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Ally was totally right and gave me great comfort at a REALLY scary time. God bless her.

But we live in a country where access to ECMO is dependent on your insurance status.

NOT OK.


Bidden or not bidden God is present.
Re: Miracles happen [Re: AllyCat] #424552
06/12/17 03:53 AM
06/12/17 03:53 AM
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LadyGrey Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: AllyCat
LG

It's funny that you say that "He was trying to die." I always say that. It's my trademark at work.

I find that when it comes to extubation, patients know best. I've had a handful of patients pull their own tube out, and they have never been wrong. He's so much better off without a trach etc, he's well on his way. Recovery will be long, he's decinditioned and grumpy and whiny, but that's how men ALWAYS are. I'm happy for you and your family.

Stay positive


Ally, you will never understand the level of comfort you gave me here. I was SO SCARED. I really thought he was going to die and I don't know how to live in a world that doesn't have my brother in it.

God bless you.

GOD BLESS YOU.


Bidden or not bidden God is present.
Re: Miracles happen [Re: LadyGrey] #424553
06/12/17 04:20 AM
06/12/17 04:20 AM
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Miranda Offline
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There's no way to describe how valuable that is. She was with me every step of the way with my husband's surgery. I'll never forget it.


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: Miracles happen [Re: Miranda] #424555
06/12/17 04:32 AM
06/12/17 04:32 AM
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Blair Offline
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This is grand news! Warms my heart that there is such a great support network here. Hugs, LG. And yes, you deserve that apartment in Denver! smile

Re: Miracles happen [Re: Blair] #424556
06/12/17 06:25 AM
06/12/17 06:25 AM
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MaidUpName Offline
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LG, Your post made me cry!

It's such woderful news, not only that you brother has survived and will recover but that you too have survived and are recovering and making choices about your needs and your future.

There will be continued prayers for you and your brother coming from this side of the pond.

MUN


You have brains in your head
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own and you know what you know
And YOU are the one who'll decide where you go
Dr Seuss
Re: Miracles happen [Re: MaidUpName] #424557
06/12/17 07:17 AM
06/12/17 07:17 AM
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Orchid2 Online
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HI
LG,

I am happy to hear your bro' is improving. Now is the hard part, letting him work with the team that is there to help him.

From the middle of the big blue comes well wishes for you and your family. smile

Hugz,
Orchid

Re: Miracles happen [Re: Orchid2] #424559
06/12/17 12:22 PM
06/12/17 12:22 PM
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SmilingWife Offline
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LG I am confused about where you want to live. I thought you currently live in CO and you don't like it. But you said you don't want to live in Houston and you will be getting your apartment in Denver. I assume you must live somewhere in CO other than Denver right now that you don't like.


Anyway, I am just confused so maybe LG or anyone else can straighten me out.

Last edited by SmilingWife; 06/12/17 12:23 PM.
Re: Miracles happen [Re: SmilingWife] #424561
06/12/17 12:54 PM
06/12/17 12:54 PM
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LadyGrey Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: SmilingWife
LG I am confused about where you want to live. I thought you currently live in CO and you don't like it. But you said you don't want to live in Houston and you will be getting your apartment in Denver. I assume you must live somewhere in CO other than Denver right now that you don't like.


Anyway, I am just confused so maybe LG or anyone else can straighten me out.


I live in a tiny town in the mountains and it turns out I'm a city girl!


Bidden or not bidden God is present.
Re: Miracles happen [Re: LadyGrey] #424563
06/12/17 12:59 PM
06/12/17 12:59 PM
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I grew up in Littleton. Love Denver.

Re: Miracles happen [Re: catperson] #424566
06/12/17 02:13 PM
06/12/17 02:13 PM
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holdingontoit Offline
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So glad to hear the good news about your brother. And nice to see you could use your professional skills on his behalf.

Also glad to hear you are standing up for yourself with your H.

Nice work all the way around.


Solutions? There are none. There are decisions.
Re: Miracles happen [Re: holdingontoit] #424567
06/12/17 03:04 PM
06/12/17 03:04 PM
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whatsupdoc? Offline
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smile


Me: 50
XH: 13 - well, does emotional age count?
DD1: 24
DD2: 20
30 year partnership...

M: Dec, 1987
Bomb: May 12, 2014
D: Oct, 2015
Ratz.
I am learning how to surf!
Re: Miracles happen [Re: LadyGrey] #424569
06/12/17 04:22 PM
06/12/17 04:22 PM
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SmilingWife Offline
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Originally Posted By: LadyGrey
Originally Posted By: SmilingWife
LG I am confused about where you want to live. I thought you currently live in CO and you don't like it. But you said you don't want to live in Houston and you will be getting your apartment in Denver. I assume you must live somewhere in CO other than Denver right now that you don't like.


Anyway, I am just confused so maybe LG or anyone else can straighten me out.


I live in a tiny town in the mountains and it turns out I'm a city girl!


OH I see! Ok, I get it now.

Re: Miracles happen [Re: LadyGrey] #424571
06/12/17 04:32 PM
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Miranda Offline
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Originally Posted By: LadyGrey


I live in a tiny town in the mountains and it turns out I'm a city girl!


I so get this. It turns out I'm a suburban lady. I don't like "big city" living, and I don't like living out in hicksville. I don't like really super "small town" living either. I want to live in a mid sized metro area. I never knew I'd be picky as hell. But I AM.

It's better to just know and acknowledge these things. Trying to hide it or fake it and being miserable is not serving anybody.


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: Miracles happen [Re: Miranda] #424572
06/12/17 06:04 PM
06/12/17 06:04 PM
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SoCal
Chrysalis Offline
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I'm so happy for all this positive news from you.


Chrysalis
Re: Miracles happen [Re: Chrysalis] #424590
06/12/17 08:36 PM
06/12/17 08:36 PM
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Orchid2 Online
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Originally Posted By: Chrysalis
I'm so happy for all this positive news from you.


See, now this is 'what friends are for'. smile

Hugz 2 u all.

Re: Miracles happen [Re: Orchid2] #424617
06/13/17 01:42 AM
06/13/17 01:42 AM
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believer Offline
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Great news, LG! And, yep, Ally made me hopeful, too.


"I feel sad that I focused so much on his potential and so little on mine."
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