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Re: Did you hear the one? [Re: whatsupdoc?] #407215
03/30/16 11:08 PM
03/30/16 11:08 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,405
midwest
Miranda Offline
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Welcome home Tango!


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: Did you hear the one? [Re: Miranda] #407234
03/31/16 11:37 AM
03/31/16 11:37 AM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 6,421
whatsupdoc? Offline OP
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whatsupdoc?  Offline OP
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If the puppy does not decide to eat her. More likely puppy would "pounce" and make a bird pancake. Tango is next to never locked in her cage, except night.

I don't like staining or house painting when she's around - they have sensitive lungs.

Tango feels very indignant that she is caged, she will be locked up for about a week, while everyone gets used to each other...


Me: 50
XH: 13 - well, does emotional age count?
DD1: 24
DD2: 20
30 year partnership...

M: Dec, 1987
Bomb: May 12, 2014
D: Oct, 2015
Ratz.
I am learning how to surf!
Re: Did you hear the one? [Re: whatsupdoc?] #407278
04/01/16 01:30 PM
04/01/16 01:30 PM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 6,421
whatsupdoc? Offline OP
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whatsupdoc?  Offline OP
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I did respond to xh "reminder" email. At this point, it does not even feel like a real person I am responding to. His entitlement - making up factitious payment due dates, ect. REALLY was annoying, but I kept that to myself.

I told him the payments were and will continue to be in a timely manner, and threats about it are not appreciated, though noted.

-- The good thing is that he mailed what he should, but had nephew "message" me that "WE need to stop fighting and act like a couple - so the girls can have a relationship with their father."

I was polite, gave nephew no info - thanked him. It is amazing how people consider affairs "mundane" and no reason to get upset, anymore. If you get upset, that means you are 50% of the problem.. I guess...

I - politely - added that the girls have their own opinions, that I have no influence, I noted my years as referee are over. In fact, my years as "chief villain" are over, too.

Possibly all the work, the stress and the juggling of responsibilities this week combined. Good thing is that I felt I replied fairly well, indicating that I have submitted all payments in a timely manner, as called out.

Know what it felt like, after 2 YEARS? Like I have some semblance of control back. It felt really positive, I hope I can keep the detachment attitude.

Anyhew- I stained the door a really dark stain, currently two long sit stains. IDK - the floor was nearly black (Deep Jacoby) but lightened to a nice walnut color. I'm hoping the door does the same, but 80+ year old wood, like a 80+ year old lady, does exactly what it wants. scratch

About 6 pm I can start the four layers of polyurethane topcoat. Then I get to flip it over and start the same process on the other side! How's THAT for a weekend?

I drove to Lansing and ordered the specialty kitchen glass- finally. The shipping was over $250. The glass was $285. Nope. So three hour round trip later, I was very glad I went, I got to see all the glass in person. I picked out the most beautiful wide swirl. ( like when you flat spat cake batter in pan before you bake it.)

Sat down with the cutters and went over each measurement like draftsmen.
Nice about picking up in person, I paid for all 4 sheets, I get the left overs for future projects...
I taught them about RABBET, they were thankful for that knowledge.
It is going to be beyond beautiful. I'm really good at this.

Last edited by whatsupdoc?; 04/01/16 01:37 PM.

Me: 50
XH: 13 - well, does emotional age count?
DD1: 24
DD2: 20
30 year partnership...

M: Dec, 1987
Bomb: May 12, 2014
D: Oct, 2015
Ratz.
I am learning how to surf!
Re: Did you hear the one? [Re: whatsupdoc?] #407279
04/01/16 01:33 PM
04/01/16 01:33 PM
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 10,071
S
SmilingWife Offline
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Act like a couple?!?! Are you kidding me?

Re: Did you hear the one? [Re: SmilingWife] #407281
04/01/16 01:43 PM
04/01/16 01:43 PM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 6,421
whatsupdoc? Offline OP
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whatsupdoc?  Offline OP
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Well, he meant a couple who USED to love each other for decades. Rather annoying, but he was a help.

Mind you, he only got jack wagons side of events. The accusations, the MISERY XH had to endure to be married... blah, blah, horse droppings and drama. Everything, everything, apparently is still my fault.

I'm going to have tee shirts printed, "It's all my fault." I think I will make a $$$ selling them to BS's.

I did not like putting him in the middle.
The only reason I talk to that nephew is that xh has no friends, that nephew is the only one who could possibly bridge. It worked. meh on the rest.

Last edited by whatsupdoc?; 04/01/16 01:44 PM.

Me: 50
XH: 13 - well, does emotional age count?
DD1: 24
DD2: 20
30 year partnership...

M: Dec, 1987
Bomb: May 12, 2014
D: Oct, 2015
Ratz.
I am learning how to surf!
Re: Did you hear the one? [Re: SmilingWife] #407282
04/01/16 01:46 PM
04/01/16 01:46 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,405
midwest
Miranda Offline
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Miranda  Offline
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Posts: 13,405
midwest
I'm sorry that Tango's welcome home has to be less warm than she would like.. I know that's not a happy thing for her OR you. But safety first!

The door and glass sound fantastic. The glass sounds REALLY fantastic. I have a corner cabinet in my kitchen with fancy leaded glass, I'm obsessed with it. I can only imagine how cool a whole kitchen's worth of glass fronted cabinets would be!

As to the drama llama... Well, yeah, they do what they do. It sounds like you're doing great in regards to not letting his shinola get on you.


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: Did you hear the one? [Re: Miranda] #407304
04/03/16 01:38 AM
04/03/16 01:38 AM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 6,421
whatsupdoc? Offline OP
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whatsupdoc?  Offline OP
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My friend, the one who has been very helpful in reno house, and I have been friends or 25 years. Her husband is a cheater, never liked him, but they stayed together.
She is technically handicapped, he will give her 50% of his take home for life. If they divorced, that is.

So mine cheated, left - I'm divorced - she is the exact opposite, ( but I'd never put up with her WS disgusting AP's - one was aggressive toward my friend.)

She was talking about how well I'm doing, I get tired of that - I'm OK like Whyle E. Coyote after getting hit by a bus, sits up and holds up a sign.. "I'm OK." I'm that kind of O.K.
I told her she could have done "it", too - she is excellent on real estate decisions..
She looked down. She admitted that at BD - shortly after, she tried to kill herself.
She has no formal education, physically disabled, disrespected/disregarded by her WS, no chance - and a 300 lb other woman bullying her (my friend weighed 120 at that time, she's very small.)

I did not know how bad it actually was for her. She hid everything away from people. I had no idea what even to say, except I had "been there" too. Though I never sought out action, I understand the BS who think this way. For a long while, you would do anything for the pain to go away.

She quickly changed the subject. Still a bit phased that someone I care about that deeply attempted to end her life over an affair.... with no one to help her or to talk to.

Last edited by whatsupdoc?; 04/03/16 01:39 AM.

Me: 50
XH: 13 - well, does emotional age count?
DD1: 24
DD2: 20
30 year partnership...

M: Dec, 1987
Bomb: May 12, 2014
D: Oct, 2015
Ratz.
I am learning how to surf!
Re: Did you hear the one? [Re: whatsupdoc?] #407306
04/03/16 01:54 AM
04/03/16 01:54 AM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 6,421
whatsupdoc? Offline OP
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On the home front, I had to make three trips to Lansing, about 3 hours round trip, to pick out, deliver doors and pick up order.

The glass looks spectacular. I mean really beautiful. AND THE CUTTER I talked to took $65 off the order, making all eight cupboards come in slightly under $198 -
Glass store wanted $567, I think, for a glass I did not like as much. Big savings-

I'm ready to shoot myself over the front door. Stripped and sanded for days, applied stain on one side, and the *&^&*$^%$%$^ semi gloss poly keeps making bubbles. No I don't brush it too quickly, nor is there dirt on the surface, it looks like glass when I finish, 3 hours later, zits... sand relayer - Mr. Bubble, sand relayer arrrrgh! Last sand and layer seems to be coming out ok.

I sanded/top coated that %#%$@!! door FOUR times... ALMOST flipped out and re stripped the entire thing..
This last coat seems to be in the good enough range- for me -- ... I'm not touching it for 2 days....

Since the basement floor drain is starting to act up again, I'm having plumber out Monday to just hook everything up to the city sewer, not trusting the house drain fields at all - this will require a laundry pump -the washer is lower than the sewage hook up -- but oh well.
Two trips to the laundry = $40. (I can't imagine that every week.)

Bought a utility tub and new faucet - they are relatively cheap, under $100 - he may as well replace that when putting on the new laundry pump - ( by the way I HAD to research that - when I asked "Why don't you put a pump out on the tub?" - he said "THAT'S a good idea." Derrrrrp. facepalm )

That should have been done months ago. Would have saved me $350 (plumber/drain cleaner and laundry bills) -- sigh....

All my friends went wonderful places for Spring break, like I used to...
they all hate coming home this weekend.
I'm glad to go back to school Monday -- I need the rest...

Last edited by whatsupdoc?; 04/03/16 02:36 AM.

Me: 50
XH: 13 - well, does emotional age count?
DD1: 24
DD2: 20
30 year partnership...

M: Dec, 1987
Bomb: May 12, 2014
D: Oct, 2015
Ratz.
I am learning how to surf!
Re: Did you hear the one? [Re: whatsupdoc?] #407307
04/03/16 02:03 AM
04/03/16 02:03 AM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 5,188
L
LivingWell Offline
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Posts: 5,188
So tragic about your friend. Being technically handicapped might have played a role in her despair.

50% of his take home pay sounds like it would be doable for her to divorce. There must be other reasons that she stays.

Sometimes all the options suck. frown

Re: Did you hear the one? [Re: whatsupdoc?] #407308
04/03/16 02:06 AM
04/03/16 02:06 AM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 5,188
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LivingWell Offline
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Posts: 5,188
Originally Posted By: whatsupdoc?
All my friends went wonderful places for Spring break, like I used to...

You went to wonderful places, too, on your path to personal recovery.

And got beautiful glass as a souvenir. smile

Re: Did you hear the one? [Re: LivingWell] #407310
04/03/16 02:25 AM
04/03/16 02:25 AM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 6,421
whatsupdoc? Offline OP
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whatsupdoc?  Offline OP
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Posts: 6,421
She is completely attached at the hip to WS. He saved her from extreme childhood abuse, physical, sexual and mental - when she was 16.

He threatened the step dad, kicked the shinola out of her older brother - and moved her out. He is more than a soul mate to her...in her mind. I've always known that about them. He just grew into an entitled bully himself - in a different way, I guess...

He, like my XH, conveniently blames my friend for everything wrong in their lives.
Even though she raised a talented daughter, artist, who now has three academy award movies to her credit - she's in the credits - at age 26. -- but of course, my friend is a "useless villain", just like I was... dunno


Last edited by whatsupdoc?; 04/03/16 02:29 AM.

Me: 50
XH: 13 - well, does emotional age count?
DD1: 24
DD2: 20
30 year partnership...

M: Dec, 1987
Bomb: May 12, 2014
D: Oct, 2015
Ratz.
I am learning how to surf!
Re: Did you hear the one? [Re: whatsupdoc?] #407511
04/06/16 11:37 AM
04/06/16 11:37 AM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 6,421
whatsupdoc? Offline OP
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whatsupdoc?  Offline OP
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Daughter 19, just came home from visiting good friend in hospital. 16 year old kid, AAA hockey goalie, bone cancer, diagnosed lost leg in about one week.

The caner has spread all over his body, extremely painful, horrible way to go. DD19 has done everything in her ability to be supportive.
His body was strong, but he is not doing well. She has visited a lot lately, it is doubtful he will make it to hospice care.
He has tumors all over his body. 6 pulmonary embolisms.

She came home at 4 p.m. hit the couch, and did not move for 14 hours with her trusted puppy snoring away. I am so glad that I have the house done, it gives her a "grounding" place, I think.
Yeah, she's an "adult" - but she has known this family since age 5, this is like losing family.

Someone in her life needed to be sane, responsible, rational through all this. I was at least 2 out of the 3.

My official statement: Life is unfair. Where is the complaint form/box?


Me: 50
XH: 13 - well, does emotional age count?
DD1: 24
DD2: 20
30 year partnership...

M: Dec, 1987
Bomb: May 12, 2014
D: Oct, 2015
Ratz.
I am learning how to surf!
Re: Did you hear the one? [Re: whatsupdoc?] #407513
04/06/16 12:17 PM
04/06/16 12:17 PM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 4,539
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Blair Offline
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Nice that DD19 could come home and rest her body and her soul. Your home is a perfect place for that kind of recuperation. Sorry to hear about her friend. Cancer sucks.

Re: Did you hear the one? [Re: Blair] #407519
04/06/16 01:54 PM
04/06/16 01:54 PM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 7,017
holdingontoit Offline
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holdingontoit  Offline
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Agreed.

So how is Tango doing?


Solutions? There are none. There are decisions.
Re: Did you hear the one? [Re: holdingontoit] #407525
04/06/16 02:08 PM
04/06/16 02:08 PM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 6,421
whatsupdoc? Offline OP
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Last night she fell out of her cozy and fell to the bottom of her cage. thwunk. Sound asleep. Ah, gravity, gets the best of us.

I laughed at her clumsiness, she knows enough to be put out by it, climbed back in indignant, ignoring me.

She is getting used to being around more. Talking, etc. When someone leaves the house, she gets upset. She is very human socialized.

She calls me "Hey, Mom" (after DD 19 salutation) but has not called me "SpongeBob" yet. That is her nickname for me. She will use it when she's comfortable.


Last edited by whatsupdoc?; 04/06/16 02:12 PM.

Me: 50
XH: 13 - well, does emotional age count?
DD1: 24
DD2: 20
30 year partnership...

M: Dec, 1987
Bomb: May 12, 2014
D: Oct, 2015
Ratz.
I am learning how to surf!
Re: Did you hear the one? [Re: whatsupdoc?] #407526
04/06/16 02:10 PM
04/06/16 02:10 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,405
midwest
Miranda Offline
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Miranda  Offline
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awww.... she's social enough to be offended when you laugh at her! And to feel abandoned when someone leaves.

What a lovie...

She needs pics on the house blog!! Asap.


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: Did you hear the one? [Re: Miranda] #407533
04/06/16 02:45 PM
04/06/16 02:45 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 3,611
wiser_now Offline
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I love your stories! I love this thread. hug


A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short. --Andre Maurois

Re: Did you hear the one? [Re: wiser_now] #407546
04/06/16 03:33 PM
04/06/16 03:33 PM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 6,421
whatsupdoc? Offline OP
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whatsupdoc?  Offline OP
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They say that parrots have the understanding and emotional skills of a 3 year old human. Problem is, like living with a 3 year old for 65 years.

She mocks people, especially their laughs...

She shows jealousy, and a creative side. She makes up short songs she sings, to amuse herself. Like her current self titled favorite: "Bir-bee, Bir-BEEEEEEEeeeeeEEE!"


Me: 50
XH: 13 - well, does emotional age count?
DD1: 24
DD2: 20
30 year partnership...

M: Dec, 1987
Bomb: May 12, 2014
D: Oct, 2015
Ratz.
I am learning how to surf!
Re: Did you hear the one? [Re: whatsupdoc?] #407846
04/11/16 03:03 AM
04/11/16 03:03 AM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 6,421
whatsupdoc? Offline OP
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> Shudder <. Seriously, those of you who can not go complete NC, due to kids, house, divorce or job -- how can you stand it?

I had to deal with xh for a few sentences in the past month or so.
his "I'm holier than though" replies grate the nerves like a salad shooter...

His "high faulting " responses indicate he is still high and mighty. My hats off to the ones who deal with this all the time. At least it just annoys me or It does not register like it used to.
so, thats progress..

Last edited by whatsupdoc?; 04/11/16 03:04 AM.

Me: 50
XH: 13 - well, does emotional age count?
DD1: 24
DD2: 20
30 year partnership...

M: Dec, 1987
Bomb: May 12, 2014
D: Oct, 2015
Ratz.
I am learning how to surf!
Re: Did you hear the one? [Re: whatsupdoc?] #407847
04/11/16 03:35 AM
04/11/16 03:35 AM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 10,860
HI
O
Orchid2 Online
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Orchid2  Online
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 10,860
HI
It is progress on your part, Wud. smile

Be glad you survived to appreciate that point. The WS in him may not ever recover and it is his choice to make. Sad and stupid but his choice none the less.

The good thing is that your times of great stress regarding his WSness is mostly behind you. Maybe never to be completely gone from your life but enough to let you know you have choices of your choosing ahead of you.

I am very proud of your progress. You give hope to the many who are living under great duress.

Keep up the good work. thumbsup

Orchid

Re: Did you hear the one? [Re: Orchid2] #407848
04/11/16 04:19 AM
04/11/16 04:19 AM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 9,381
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CajunRose Offline
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Mine was never at the level yours was. If my ex acted like yours, we would not be on speaking terms.

It took me about two years to train him how to treat me. I had to set very strong boundaries around myself, always model the behavior I wanted from him (because if I slipped up even once it would set me back months), and be completely businesslike.

Even so, it took time before I stopped falling apart after some level of contact.


Current spouse: Night. D10, D9, S7

About me

You can't direct the wind, but you can adjust your sails.

http://www.divorcedmomfinances.com
Re: Did you hear the one? [Re: CajunRose] #407892
04/12/16 02:42 AM
04/12/16 02:42 AM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 6,421
whatsupdoc? Offline OP
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whatsupdoc?  Offline OP
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OMG!
sleep
After all this work, driving, bargaining, begging and, well work, I finished chalk painting custom made frames and got the textured glass sealed in the frames and the cupboards put back together.
Only three finger cuts... >yeah<

The "wavy gravy" glass is stunning, against the "granny chic" distressed kitchen.
The granite, the sink/faucet. It looks absolutely - like someone else designed it.
About a $5,500 investment -- (really) added $24,000 equity. My tradesman estimated this was about a $22,000 - $25,000 remodel - he was right on the nose.

...besides a few re wiring details the kitchen is, basically done.. donE? Done? DONe? doNE? what does that word even mean?

Last edited by whatsupdoc?; 04/12/16 02:44 AM.

Me: 50
XH: 13 - well, does emotional age count?
DD1: 24
DD2: 20
30 year partnership...

M: Dec, 1987
Bomb: May 12, 2014
D: Oct, 2015
Ratz.
I am learning how to surf!
Re: Did you hear the one? [Re: whatsupdoc?] #407901
04/12/16 10:38 AM
04/12/16 10:38 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 4,539
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Blair Offline
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Posts: 4,539
You're going to have to start rehabbing other houses just to keep busy! smile

Re: Did you hear the one? [Re: Blair] #407911
04/12/16 03:56 PM
04/12/16 03:56 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 629
Deep South
BBski Offline
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Posts: 629
Deep South
Come and rehab mine!!!


Me 59; XH 60
Married 34 yrs, together 39 yrs
DD30 (married w/1 1/2 yr old GS) & DD25
DDay Nov. 7, 2012
He moved out Feb 15,2013
D final July 2014
Re: Did you hear the one? [Re: BBski] #407937
04/13/16 01:24 AM
04/13/16 01:24 AM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 6,421
whatsupdoc? Offline OP
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whatsupdoc?  Offline OP
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OK, student D, was cut by Xtina, but Pherrill brought him onto his team.

LISTEN to this kids comeback performance... way to go DANNY. (Holy crud!)

[iIif it does not show...[/i]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6po0r1q8RUU&feature=youtu.be

Last edited by whatsupdoc?; 04/13/16 01:33 AM.

Me: 50
XH: 13 - well, does emotional age count?
DD1: 24
DD2: 20
30 year partnership...

M: Dec, 1987
Bomb: May 12, 2014
D: Oct, 2015
Ratz.
I am learning how to surf!
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