Dear Amy: One of my female family members — unmarried and in her 50s — recently disclosed to our large family that she has been having an affair with a married man for 30-plus years. They met while she was in college (he worked at her university), and he has one adult daughter. He is in his 70s.
Her announcement was prompted by the recent death of his wife. Now they are public about their relationship, attending family weddings, sending gifts, etc., as a couple.
Shortly after their relationship became known openly, she announced that they were engaged. Their wedding and her bridal shower are both being planned. My family and I have already been asked to save the dates.
She is an adult and is free to make her own choices; it's really none of my business. My dilemma is this: I do not want to be a part of the shower or the wedding. I feel that while the intent is for these events to be a celebration, they are a disrespectful spectacle; their infidelity is now public only because his wife has passed away.
I don't want to take a dramatic stance in any of this. I just want to avoid it altogether. Any suggestions? — Disapproving