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Re: The Wisdom of My Divorce [Re: poet] #189130
12/16/11 02:33 PM
12/16/11 02:33 PM
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Kittycat Offline
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I will weigh in at the risk of hurting your feelings, Poet, remember this is my independent opinion and I will be as gentle as I am able.

When I went back and read about your husband and you trying to arrange to get his remaining things I was struck by your pain.

I feel, and this is just a feeling by another human being who really does not know you...I feel that you are in such pain over the divorce, relationship with your husband, etc, and all the pain you put up with over the years

I feel that possibly it is this pain that is causing you to make it harder than is has to be for him to pick up his stuff.

To me it looks like this:

1. You want to hurt him by making it difficult for him to get his stuff, like you won't let him come on a Saturday, or when you feel ill, etc, etc even if he has a helper lined up and is ready to get his stuff, you block him. (Are you doing this to exact a last blow on him who hurt you terribly? I can understand this. )

2. You wanted to put pressure on him to pick up his stuff even making him sign a statement that he won't be messy. (Where does this "must cleanup" thing come from? Why is it important? Is this also a last blow on him who hurt you terribly? I can sort of understand your pain)

3. You do not trust him and are afraid that the people he is having help move his stuff will steal from you or vandalize the place. (Do you really believe that he would hire criminals or have criminals as friends who would hate you that much as to vandalize your place or steal? Sounds like another way you can get one last dig in because of all the hurt he did to you. )

4. Do you see that perhaps you may be acting in this way to your husband and stalling the move for some reasons of your own? (Are these reasons that you are stalling being available and eager to have him get his stuff perhaps because he hurt you terribly, maybe he left you, took his love away, and all that is left is his stuff, you may be afraid to give him his stuff because it closes an important chapter of your life, perhaps his stuff is the last straw before this painful thing ends, it is an ending you do not want to deal with, painful, full of pain, and giving his stuff back really says to you that HE IS GONE FOR GOOD.

I just want you to know that your letter to your husband and his attorney about getting his stuff is totally normal in the position you are in and the level of pain and distress you are feeling. I do not blame you for stalling him and trying to make it hard to get his things...because look how hard he made it for you. He upset your whole lifestyle, your life, your way of living. He ruined your peace of mind, he nearly destroyed your inner self (but you will heal and are healing!) No one can blame you for stalling him to make it harder to get his things.

Your pain will be healed, keep writing that poetry, poet!!! It is beautiful and whatever helps you heal is important. I hate pain in life and I know that there are people who cause pain and do not mean to. I believe your husband caused pain due to his own selfishness. I hope I did not cause too much pain by this post!!!!


Formerly Baba, Stellakat, Bubbles

"Please remember that what I say here in this post is ONLY my opinion and it is not meant to offend in any way!"
Re: The Wisdom of My Divorce [Re: Kittycat] #189315
12/17/11 02:06 PM
12/17/11 02:06 PM
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,933
poet Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Kittycat
I will weigh in at the risk of hurting your feelings, Poet, remember this is my independent opinion and I will be as gentle as I am able.


Thank you Kitty,

I appreciate anyone who can "weigh in" with diplomacy, sensativity and intellect. I understand your concerns, but I'm OK with everything.

I've change my signature line to reflect my divorce date.

Last edited by poet; 12/17/11 03:52 PM.

I thank God for all the times he saved my life, for putting all the people in my path who helped save it, and all the other people I met along the way.
Re: The Wisdom of My Divorce [Re: poet] #191148
12/24/11 02:01 AM
12/24/11 02:01 AM
Joined: Dec 2010
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poet Offline OP
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Story here:

This afternoon, I was in North Florida, somewhere near the Florida/Georgia line. Felt hungry. I knew I had to eat. So, I stopped in a rinky dink barbeque hut along the side of the road. There was one waitress, and about four tables filled with only men. I noticed a man across from me and down the row a little bit. He was about my age, but he had a ring on his finger. Funny how we look at those things when we're single, huh?

Boy, did I feel out of place! Anyway, I checked my wallet. I had four bucks on me. I wanted a turkey sandwich with fries, but the waitress said that was more. So, I settled for beef on a bun with no fries, no drink. The cost was $3.55.

I ordered a water, and the waitress walked away. I checked my wallet one more time to make sure I had enough. Yep, there was four dollars in it. I sighed and put my head in my hands. Felt very despondent and pained. It must have showed.

Someone said something to me, and then repeated it. I realized they were talking to me. I lifted my head in surprise, and answered him.

While we were talking, the waitress came over to me and asked if I wanted an iced tea. No, I said, I don't drink it. She asked me what I wanted. I said, water. She said one of the gentlemen bought my lunch and it included a drink. What did I want?

I said a diet Pepsi, and was he still here? Yes, she said. She pointed him out. I got up to thank him. "You didn't have to do that, but Thank you." He said, "You're Welcome. Merry Christmas." I said, "Merry Christmas" back.

I had my secret angel buy my lunch today! The world was a little brighter place.


I thank God for all the times he saved my life, for putting all the people in my path who helped save it, and all the other people I met along the way.
Re: The Wisdom of My Divorce [Re: poet] #191161
12/24/11 03:29 AM
12/24/11 03:29 AM
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poet Offline OP
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Oops, in case anyone is listening, I forgot to mention it was the man with the ring on his finger. I'm sure he saw my face and was just doing a good deed.


I thank God for all the times he saved my life, for putting all the people in my path who helped save it, and all the other people I met along the way.
Re: The Wisdom of My Divorce [Re: poet] #191163
12/24/11 03:36 AM
12/24/11 03:36 AM
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poet Offline OP
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Oh and also, Marry Christmas to all!


I thank God for all the times he saved my life, for putting all the people in my path who helped save it, and all the other people I met along the way.
Re: The Wisdom of My Divorce [Re: poet] #191231
12/24/11 10:06 PM
12/24/11 10:06 PM
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Ready2Change Offline
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HUGS


Everything is an opportunity. There is no failure. You either learn or you succeed.
Re: The Wisdom of My Divorce [Re: Ready2Change] #191745
12/29/11 10:24 PM
12/29/11 10:24 PM
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NewEveryDay Offline
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Awesome, poet, I love how things like that happen when you least expect it. I went to Pensacola, not far from there, years ago for a graduation, and oh man they had the *best* barbecue! Even $3.55 is a great price for a meal like that smile


"I have everything I need." and "I am exactly where I am supposed to be." ~Louise Hays
Re: The Wisdom of My Divorce [Re: NewEveryDay] #194096
01/06/12 04:55 AM
01/06/12 04:55 AM
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poet Offline OP
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I'm told I am allowed to do this....so, NED, please refrain from posting anymore on my blog. Thank you.



Poet,

I am sorry if you misunderstood the rules of the blog forum. I don't know who told you you could exclude certain people from posting to your thread, but that is simply incorrect (and certainly you cannot exclude a moderator). As was recently explained to another poster, you are not free to exclude individuals from replying to your thread, no matter where it is. Either anyone can post, or if it is a blog thread, you can request for it to be designated NC ("No Comment") and then no one should post to it.

Those are your choices. Let me know if you want your blog post to be designated NC.

It would seem that your public comment addressed to NewEveryDay is in protest of a moderator action. If you have questions or concerns, please send an email to the BoD at appeal@marriageadvocates.com.

WARNING: ANY FURTHER PUBLIC ACCUSATIONS/CRITICISMS/ARGUING WILL RESULT IN A FLAG.

-Jayne241



I thank God for all the times he saved my life, for putting all the people in my path who helped save it, and all the other people I met along the way.
Re: The Wisdom of My Divorce [Re: poet] #333896
02/04/14 04:32 AM
02/04/14 04:32 AM
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poet Offline OP
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...


I thank God for all the times he saved my life, for putting all the people in my path who helped save it, and all the other people I met along the way.
Re: The Wisdom of My Divorce [Re: poet] #333898
02/04/14 04:42 AM
02/04/14 04:42 AM
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poet Offline OP
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OK, not sure I want to resurrect this thread or not, but I also do not want to lose it. So, I'm bumping it up, just in case I need it at some future date. I do know I always wanted to address some things on here and never did ---- yet.


I thank God for all the times he saved my life, for putting all the people in my path who helped save it, and all the other people I met along the way.
Re: The Wisdom of My Divorce [Re: poet] #333949
02/04/14 06:55 PM
02/04/14 06:55 PM
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poet Offline OP
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Well, I started reading this thread over again last night, but got stuck with a few of the older issues that I don't really need to bring back up. But, I couldn't help but notice that on another blogging thread there is still a debate going on about reading the spouse's mind.

Ugh...it amazes and confounds me how some people on here can go for YEARS and never grow an inch. Not sure why that annoys me so much, but I guess it's because this same person has annhiliated so many of my thoughts in the past few years and expounded on how healthy she is, yet, still pursues the opposite. (shrug)


I thank God for all the times he saved my life, for putting all the people in my path who helped save it, and all the other people I met along the way.
Re: The Wisdom of My Divorce [Re: poet] #333954
02/04/14 07:05 PM
02/04/14 07:05 PM
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poet Offline OP
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Someone once asked me what does your thread title mean...and she giggled. I didn't give her an answer because I didn't really know at the time. I hadn't been divorced long enough yet to know what *wisdom* I would glean from it.

Now I know.

I know that life without another person in my life is better than it was with him. I know that I may never find a man who will love me for me and stand by me. And I also know that that's ok.

I was thinking just last night that I have never -- and I mean, truly been loved by a man. I wouldn't even be sure I know what it feels like to be truly loved. So, I live with who I am and hope for the best in life.

I have a positive outlook. I can speak up for myself when I need to. And I have a roof over my head. I know that's not always enough, but it's more than some. So, I still thank God every day and still have a safe place to lie my head at night.


I thank God for all the times he saved my life, for putting all the people in my path who helped save it, and all the other people I met along the way.
Re: The Wisdom of My Divorce [Re: poet] #333996
02/04/14 10:51 PM
02/04/14 10:51 PM
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HI
O
Orchid2 Offline
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HI
Originally Posted By: poet
Someone once asked me what does your thread title mean...and she giggled. I didn't give her an answer because I didn't really know at the time. I hadn't been divorced long enough yet to know what *wisdom* I would glean from it.

Now I know.

I know that life without another person in my life is better than it was with him. I know that I may never find a man who will love me for me and stand by me. And I also know that that's ok.

I was thinking just last night that I have never -- and I mean, truly been loved by a man. I wouldn't even be sure I know what it feels like to be truly loved. So, I live with who I am and hope for the best in life.

I have a positive outlook. I can speak up for myself when I need to. And I have a roof over my head. I know that's not always enough, but it's more than some. So, I still thank God every day and still have a safe place to lie my head at night.


grin Good thoughts. smile

Re: The Wisdom of My Divorce [Re: Orchid2] #334250
02/06/14 05:24 PM
02/06/14 05:24 PM
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Telly Offline
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I am amazed (and I hope you see it after reading through your whole thread) at how obviously your own strength has come rising to the surface over the last few years.

Though I am sorry you have never felt truly loved by a man in your life, it's as if all your pain and suffering has left you with a shining core of gold. Beautiful, lasting, pure, and valuable.

You are valuable (you always were). God will restore the years the locusts have eaten, Poet. If not in a perfect way here, than better than you can even begin to imagine some day in heaven.

Blessings!


Married 13 years
D10
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Re: The Wisdom of My Divorce [Re: Telly] #334252
02/06/14 05:31 PM
02/06/14 05:31 PM
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NewEveryDay Offline
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Quote:
God will restore the years the locusts have eaten


Wow Telly, I read that and it struck me as so true. Thanks for this! I helps me make sense of something that doesn't always make much sense.


"I have everything I need." and "I am exactly where I am supposed to be." ~Louise Hays
Re: The Wisdom of My Divorce [Re: NewEveryDay] #336983
02/27/14 04:10 PM
02/27/14 04:10 PM
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I'm not sure what your post above means, NED? I see that it is *directed* to Telly and not to me. But, I am confused as to what you mean by it. And, since this is my thread (shrugging) I guess I get to ask the all-encompassing question: What does it mean? I mean, you made such a broad-based statement, and you referred to someone or something. It could be interpreted a thousand ways by a thousand people, not to mention myself. So, could you please explain what you were referring to? Inquiring minds wish to know.

Last edited by poet; 03/08/14 06:35 PM.

I thank God for all the times he saved my life, for putting all the people in my path who helped save it, and all the other people I met along the way.
Re: The Wisdom of My Divorce [Re: poet] #336994
02/27/14 05:06 PM
02/27/14 05:06 PM
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Hi Poet, when I read something, it either rings as true or not. Telly's post that God restores the years the locusts had eaten struck me as profoundly true for me in my life. There were many things I believed in, that were not true, like believing I could save my marriage. Or that two of my siblings were going to be able to follow through on the plans they were making, to go back to school and/or find steady work, to become self-supporting. Or my failed relationship with L that I was so invested in. In that moment, reading that, I felt a lot of peace, that I hadn't wasted years investing in what wasn't to be. That no matter what happens in this broken world, that God can still turn things around for good. I don't know much about your marriage, just that it ended, and that your ex was abusive and is still punitive. I felt peace about that situation, too, that the healing you have found on your own will redeem those lost years.


"I have everything I need." and "I am exactly where I am supposed to be." ~Louise Hays
Re: The Wisdom of My Divorce [Re: NewEveryDay] #338130
03/08/14 06:36 PM
03/08/14 06:36 PM
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poet Offline OP
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OK, so you were referring to yourself then. Now, I understand. I will add this though. For Telly, when I read that, it made me very sad.


I thank God for all the times he saved my life, for putting all the people in my path who helped save it, and all the other people I met along the way.
Re: The Wisdom of My Divorce [Re: poet] #338145
03/08/14 07:07 PM
03/08/14 07:07 PM
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Telly Offline
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I'm sorry to have made you sad!

Can you share with me why?

My daughter was very lonely for several years and felt (rightly so, perhaps) that she had no friends.

At her last birthday party, her situation had changed, and she had 7 girls to invite to her birthday sleepover party. She went from zero to seven! Later she told me, "Mommy, I feel like God has restored the years the locusts have eaten".

Perhaps it's a happy thought only when one is on the restored side, not when still looking at the destroyed field of crops.

Again, I'm sorry you felt sad. frown (((poet)))


Married 13 years
D10
D5
Re: The Wisdom of My Divorce [Re: poet] #368074
11/14/14 06:24 AM
11/14/14 06:24 AM
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poet Offline OP
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Oy vey~

I just found this blog and cannot view my "Carport" thread. Seems I've also been blocked out of there.

Can someone please tell me what's going on?


I thank God for all the times he saved my life, for putting all the people in my path who helped save it, and all the other people I met along the way.
Re: The Wisdom of My Divorce [Re: poet] #368075
11/14/14 06:27 AM
11/14/14 06:27 AM
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,933
poet Offline OP
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poet  Offline OP
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Can someone please explain where the "users list" went? Or, am I just being blocked from it? Please explain?


I thank God for all the times he saved my life, for putting all the people in my path who helped save it, and all the other people I met along the way.
Re: The Wisdom of My Divorce [Re: poet] #368077
11/14/14 06:38 AM
11/14/14 06:38 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,565
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Lil Offline

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Email the admin team.


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: The Wisdom of My Divorce [Re: poet] #368081
11/14/14 12:26 PM
11/14/14 12:26 PM
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TC_Manhattan Offline
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Originally Posted By: poet
Oy vey~

I just found this blog and cannot view my "Carport" thread. Seems I've also been blocked out of there.

Can someone please tell me what's going on?


I think they have a cut-off time where if you don't post on that forum for a certain length of time, you have to start over with a new set of posts to gain access again.
I think.

Re: The Wisdom of My Divorce [Re: poet] #368082
11/14/14 12:30 PM
11/14/14 12:30 PM
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Originally Posted By: poet
Can someone please explain where the "users list" went? Or, am I just being blocked from it? Please explain?


Not sure if your page view is like mine, but if I look at the top of my page, there's a line that has 'Forum List,' 'My Stuff,' 'Member List,' etc. on it.
It's the same line the flashing envelope signaling a PM is on. ]
Hopefully you can see it on yours.

Don't take it so personally. There's a lot of glitches that go with the territory of maintaining site software. They'll help sort it out for you.

Re: The Wisdom of My Divorce [Re: TC_Manhattan] #368146
11/14/14 08:15 PM
11/14/14 08:15 PM
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Poet, there is a 2Long rule, where if you haven't posted in a period of time, you lose access to private areas. Do you have access again, now that you've posted? Have you tried posting on the Tech support forum, or emailing as Lil suggested? I hope everything is working for you again soon smile


"I have everything I need." and "I am exactly where I am supposed to be." ~Louise Hays
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