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Re: Just when I thought I'd heard everything.... [Re: Telly] #337158
02/28/14 07:04 PM
02/28/14 07:04 PM
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*~aeri~* Offline OP
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Quote:
Perhaps your doctor is simply incompetent and cannot handle questions...


You know, Telly...he`s a good doctor. Very caring and understanding and to be fair, it was his witch nurse who had the WORST attitude of the bunch. He was actually quite nice about explaining everything when he invited me back into the examination room.

This doesn't mean that I won`t have a word with him at my appointment in March.

He`s the only person in his practice, so there`s no choice to see someone else. Also--Jayne is correct....it`s almost impossible to switch doctors in Canada.


Married my best friend 7/23/05



Re: Just when I thought I'd heard everything.... [Re: at peace] #337163
02/28/14 07:33 PM
02/28/14 07:33 PM
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*~aeri~* Offline OP
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Quote:
Your experience at that doctor's office is mind boggling, aeri. I'm stunned that you would be treated in such a way. And, your not being "allowed" to make appointments for your H seems spiteful and petty.

I think you are wise to be concerned about your own care under this physician. I would certainly question his level of concern about your welfare.


Well, Lori there`s another facet to the story that I didn`t share.

My husband was referred to a specialist that is a close friend of my family doctor. When we received the appointment in January (the appointment was set for August) I was told that the specialist would charge a $150 fee. You may find this normal, but in Canada, generally speaking, specialists don`t charge fees for appointments. The only notable exceptions are fertility doctors and even they don`t charge a consultation fee for monitoring, only for the actual act of Intrauterine insemination or IVF.

When I called the specialist and asked what the fee was for, the receptionist said she didn't know what it was for. She ended up phoning me back and she said that they were ALLOWED to charge it. WELL, that wasn't my question--I wanted to know WHY they were charging it, not whether it was LEGAL.

I ended up calling our government body that deals with medical billings and they called the office directly. That person called back and said that the doctor employs a therapist to administer a one hour questionnaire, so they are legally allowed to charge $150 for that service.

I called back the specialist and asked why we were forced to see a therapist to answer some questions and be forced to pay $150 for the service. My husband wasn't going to this doctor for a frivolous reason..he has a documented medical issue! The office would not move. They maintained that they were legally able to charge this fee and in order for my husband to be treated we had to pay it.

I left it alone and called MY doctor`s office. I asked them if there was any way we could get another referral because this doctor was being unreasonable. My doctor`s receptionist was adamant that we could be reimbursed by our private healthcare provider for the $150. Gee, thanks for telling me that (as if I didn`t know) BUT THAT`S NOT THE POINT. My husband wasn`t interested in seeing a specialist who finds loopholes in order to overcharge people (and screw private healthcare providers).

A few days later, the doctor`s office ended up calling me to advise me that the SPECIALIST WASN`T INTERESTED IN SEEING MY HUSBAND ANY LONGER and he had cancelled the August appointment. To make matters worse, in order to make another referral, my husband would have to see our doctor AGAIN (take another half day off work). Finally, having had just about enough of these shenanigans, I called the doctor that had seen my husband last May (the one year referral time hadn`t expired yet) and he was MORE THAN HAPPY to see my husband. In fact, he gave him an appointment for March 19th.

SO, I suspect that my family doctor is annoyed with me because I questioned his friend`s ethics (which are very poor).

Tough crap for him though..I have EVERY RIGHT to ask about someone charging me a BOGUS fee.


Married my best friend 7/23/05



Re: Just when I thought I'd heard everything.... [Re: *~aeri~*] #337167
02/28/14 08:03 PM
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I had a similar experience with my dh a year and a half ago. He had a GP who refused to let me in the room and who refused to give dh a referral to a specialist. Now mind you dh was so sick he couldn't think clearly. The GP FINALLY gave dh a referral after about two months.....dh was unable to work all that time.

The specialist was incredible. He not only let me in the room he rolled his stool up to where his knees were almost touching mine and looked intently at my face while I explained what had been going on. By this time dh couldn't form complete sentences!

Needless to say that GP will never see dh again.

Some people asked why we didn't change docs mid stream. MUCH easier said than done in the middle of a crisis. I firmly believe in having a trusted GP on hand before a crisis occurs.

Re: Just when I thought I'd heard everything.... [Re: *~aeri~*] #337179
02/28/14 10:14 PM
02/28/14 10:14 PM
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at peace Offline
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I think you're probably right about your doctor's rationale. It's total BS. It was your right (and some would argue, responsibility) to question an unusual charge. The specialist clearly didn't like having to spell out that they're working a loophole in the system to their own financial advantage.

I'm glad your husband was able to get in to see another specialist so quickly, in any case. What are the chances of you being able to switch to another physician for yourself?

People like that tick me off. We ALL end up paying for crap like that.

Lori


"To know what is right and not do it is the worst cowardice."
wife...mom...nana...happy smile
Re: Just when I thought I'd heard everything.... [Re: at peace] #337533
03/05/14 02:10 PM
03/05/14 02:10 PM
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*~aeri~* Offline OP
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Quote:
What are the chances of you being able to switch to another physician for yourself?


Almost zero.

That's the problem with socialized medicine---doctors are overrun with patients. You can't just walk into a doctor's office and say 'I'd like an appointment or I'd like to be a patient of yours"....As soon as you do that, you're accused of doctor shopping or trying to find a doctor that is sympathetic to your medication needs. (This is especially bad for me because I take narcotics to control my migraines---another doctor will just refuse them. My current doc already won't increase the strength of my pills.)

My main focus is my husband at the moment. I dare say that the meds seem to be already working (fingers crossed)....he hasn't had any severe side effects so far and he's already on a full dosage.

On the upside, my husband received his Canadian citizenship yesterday. He worked from home for the morning, took 2 hours off for the ceremony and then worked until 7.30 last night. (His boss wouldn't give him a half day off)....


Married my best friend 7/23/05



Re: Just when I thought I'd heard everything.... [Re: *~aeri~*] #337542
03/05/14 03:15 PM
03/05/14 03:15 PM
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at peace Offline
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Congratulations to your H on getting his citizenship! I know that's a huge deal for you guys...you must be so relieved it's done. smile

His boss is still a jerk, obviously.

I figured that would be the answer re: doctor change for you. Bummer. Your focus on your husband's medical stuff right now is totally understandable, tho. Keeping my fingers crossed with you that the new meds continue to help!

Lori


"To know what is right and not do it is the worst cowardice."
wife...mom...nana...happy smile
Re: Just when I thought I'd heard everything.... [Re: at peace] #337552
03/05/14 03:42 PM
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Aeri if you ever find yourself on vacation down here we are known for our "pill mills" lol.

Congratulations to your DH on his citizenship how wonderful! Are you all planning to celebrate?


"I have everything I need." and "I am exactly where I am supposed to be." ~Louise Hays
Re: Just when I thought I'd heard everything.... [Re: NewEveryDay] #337569
03/05/14 04:03 PM
03/05/14 04:03 PM
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Not that it probably matters much anymore, but...

I suspect the real problem here is with the nurses.

Perhaps someone didn't like that you made more work for them (finding a different chart for an appointment when they'd already planned for you). Or perhaps someone there just doesn't like you.

It's been my experience that the nurses have a great deal of influence over how a Dr. treats patients. It's very possible they got him all worked up over how you were "playing the system" or something.

At the end of the day, it's probably best to focus on teh positive as you are doing. Your husband is a citizen (yay!) and you were able to get him in to see the specialist.

smile


Married 13 years
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Re: Just when I thought I'd heard everything.... [Re: Telly] #337811
03/06/14 05:44 PM
03/06/14 05:44 PM
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*~aeri~* Offline OP
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Quote:
Or perhaps someone there just doesn't like you.


Telly--I've been a thorn in their side before.

When my obstetrician told me I had "no business getting pregnant", I demanded another one.

When my fertility doctor told me I was "too fat" for him to perform a sonohysterogram, I demanded another.

When my NUTRITIONIST suggested antidepressants for weight loss, I demanded another one.

See a pattern here? I don't have the "doctor as GOD" mentality like most people and they HATE it.


Married my best friend 7/23/05



Re: Just when I thought I'd heard everything.... [Re: *~aeri~*] #340985
03/20/14 05:40 PM
03/20/14 05:40 PM
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*~aeri~* Offline OP
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Does anyone remember when someone would be downtrodden on cartoons and there would be a big thought balloon that said:

A R G H

..and it would be all drippy and green, attempting to show the sorrow and disdain in the person's voice?

That's how I feel today.

My husband saw his specialist yesterday and they're checking him for a brain tumour. I expected that and I'm glad he's being tested.

He's also been on anti-depressants for about 3 weeks now, but as usual, two steps ahead and three steps back--this morning he woke up with his usual good morning to me: "I don't want to go to work". SIGH

Even though I put on my best happy face, reminded him that it's Thursday and by the time he got through today, it would almost be the weekend, he still managed to break down crying and this time, told me that he'd rather die than have to work at his place of employment for one more day.

*SIGH*

I had already told him that it was fine if he wanted to quit, so he's doing it. He's has a sick note for today and tomorrow (yes, he's an executive, but he's being forced to provide sick notes for all of his days off now) and he's going to resign on Monday.

I can't help feeling worried.

I was worried about him before because I knew there was no easy way out for him. Even taking anti-depressants wasn't going to change the bad situation he was in but I thought he'd be able to cope with the baloney and stick it out until he found another position. Now I'm worried for another reason--as soon as he begins to feel comfortable and secure that he doesn't have to deal with his situation at work, he'll begin to feel useless because he doesn't have a job.

I don't know. I just don't know. I have to keep it together and be confident that he'll find something else.

Thanks for listening--I needed to get this off my chest.


Married my best friend 7/23/05



Re: Just when I thought I'd heard everything.... [Re: *~aeri~*] #340989
03/20/14 06:26 PM
03/20/14 06:26 PM
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That's all VERY scary!!

((((aeri))))

I'll keep good thoughts for his medical tests and a job. I completely understand your fears about his emotional state once he resigns. I remember those days with him... and you...


A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short. --Andre Maurois

Re: Just when I thought I'd heard everything.... [Re: wiser_now] #340991
03/20/14 06:48 PM
03/20/14 06:48 PM
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IIWY, I would demand that, if he does quit, he has to agree to go to IC at least once a week until he has another job.

Re: Just when I thought I'd heard everything.... [Re: wiser_now] #340994
03/20/14 07:26 PM
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*~aeri~* Offline OP
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Thanks, WN....

Everything has just hit me like a whirlwind. The tumour thing didn't really hit me until I read it again....


Married my best friend 7/23/05



Re: Just when I thought I'd heard everything.... [Re: catperson] #340995
03/20/14 07:27 PM
03/20/14 07:27 PM
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*~aeri~* Offline OP
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Cat:

I have already discussed it with him.

He said that he definitely wants to continue seeing his IC when he's off. I'm glad, too....she may not have been able to help with his job, but maybe she'll be able to help build up his self-esteem again.


Married my best friend 7/23/05



Re: Just when I thought I'd heard everything.... [Re: *~aeri~*] #340996
03/20/14 07:40 PM
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Originally Posted By: *~aeri~*
Thanks, WN....

Everything has just hit me like a whirlwind. The tumour thing didn't really hit me until I read it again....



They're ruling it OUT.... try to remember that! I'd be scared ...but try to remember....


A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short. --Andre Maurois

Re: Just when I thought I'd heard everything.... [Re: wiser_now] #340998
03/20/14 08:07 PM
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My dad had a brain tumor, and it really changed his personality until they did surgery, and then he was back to his old self.

Re: Just when I thought I'd heard everything.... [Re: catperson] #340999
03/20/14 08:22 PM
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Cat--the specialist told us that the tumour (if there is one) will likely be controlled (reduced) with medication.

I hope it's something that simple.... pray


Married my best friend 7/23/05



Re: Just when I thought I'd heard everything.... [Re: *~aeri~*] #341000
03/20/14 08:31 PM
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Even better!

Re: Just when I thought I'd heard everything.... [Re: *~aeri~*] #341001
03/20/14 08:33 PM
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Wow, aeri, that's a whole lot of big stuff on your plate all at once. As w_n wisely stressed, they are likely simply ruling out the tumor thing.

Your h's decision to proactively continue IC is a very good sign. I hope this monumental...and clearly very difficult...decision to leave his job leads to a better and more balanced life for the two of you. Honestly, I'm relieved for you both, as the type of prolonged stress you've been under can be devastating in so many ways.

Lori


"To know what is right and not do it is the worst cowardice."
wife...mom...nana...happy smile
Re: Just when I thought I'd heard everything.... [Re: at peace] #341002
03/20/14 08:36 PM
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Maybe without the job to rob him of all his resources he will be able to make some strides towards improving some other areas!

That is how things work for me, if something is pressing down on me, if I can just get it OFF of me, I find I that the resources that it frees up, can be devoted to other things in my life, and that makes a lot of good change possible that previously wasn't.

Hoping for good things for you both!


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: Just when I thought I'd heard everything.... [Re: Miranda] #341004
03/20/14 08:45 PM
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(((Hugs))) to you aeri. Are you familiar with EI's story? His whole life got better after he left a toxic job. The in between is so hard, though, and everyone tells you how you have to Be The Rock for your spouse at these times. At the same time that your FS and DS responsibilities increase dramatically because he's home to mess up the house all day. BTDT!

Miranda do you have any suggestions how to ameliorate the transition?


"I have everything I need." and "I am exactly where I am supposed to be." ~Louise Hays
Re: Just when I thought I'd heard everything.... [Re: NewEveryDay] #341006
03/20/14 08:56 PM
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I've got nothing, NED. My husband was no longer working when we got together, so I didn't have to deal with the transition per se. He was working when we were very first dating, but that ended before we moved in together, before he had his last surgery.

I'd encourage Aeri to give her husband as much of the DS as he will take though, because I think it helps if they can feel USEFUL and HELPFUL rather than just sitting and stewing in their juices all day every day. Even if you have to coat it in terms like "you know what would really help me out?" and "I'd really be super grateful if you could...." and "dang, I really meant to get over to the drycleaners yesterday, would you mind..." stuff like that. And then of course to be effusive with the gratitude as well.


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: Just when I thought I'd heard everything.... [Re: Miranda] #341044
03/21/14 02:25 AM
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Maybe even ask him to take on some type of project at home that would build up his self esteem. Like build a table or relandscape a flower bed...stuff like that.

Re: Just when I thought I'd heard everything.... [Re: catperson] #341075
03/21/14 12:45 PM
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Miranda Offline
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Originally Posted By: catperson
Maybe even ask him to take on some type of project at home that would build up his self esteem. Like build a table or relandscape a flower bed...stuff like that.


YES! If there is anything you've been dying to have done that you couldn't, now is the time! Of course I am sure money is not there, but if it is anything that is mostly just time, like painting etc.....


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Interesting update.... [Re: NewEveryDay] #341085
03/21/14 02:08 PM
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Thanks to Lori, Miranda, NED and Cat.....

Quote:
Are you familiar with EI's story? His whole life got better after he left a toxic job. The in between is so hard, though, and everyone tells you how you have to Be The Rock for your spouse at these times. At the same time that your FS and DS responsibilities increase dramatically because he's home to mess up the house all day. BTDT!


I'm not familiar with EI's story, but maybe I will read it. I need a man's perspective on this.

I feel that I am very good at supporting my husband during these tough times. Remember, this issue with his work and his health began last February and he was on leave for three months, so I've already had to support him through that, both mentally and financially.

I am lucky that my husband doesn't make a mess of the house when he's home. He's really great at doing housework and cleaning up after himself. The last time he was off, he organized all my closets and I'm already pretty darn organized!

He has some projects lined up. We have a piece of property in the country and he's planning to grow a patch of spaghetti squash up there this summer. He's already started the seeds. Also--I have my side projects that he can help with during working hours. Luckily, he learned that part when we first got married and he wasn't' legal to work.

Interesting update:

My husband is involved with an outside organization that helps people who have been ill for a prolonged period to re-integrate into the workplace. Yesterday, he decided to call his case worker and let her know that he was resigning. She got back to him and implored him NOT to quit and if necessary, apply for short term disability once again to buy some time.

She feels that since he is now in crisis and willing to leave his place of employment due to stress, she has more cause to force HR's hand (so to speak) and find him a different role in his company. His company can't risk any bad PR as they were involved in a huge scandal last year that was all over the news. I imagine that they're not afraid of my husband going to the press, but they may be very afraid of this outside organization.

I told my husband that it's up to him to decide what he wants to do at this point. Obviously, if he was willing to resign, I can't imagine why he wouldn't take this opportunity to let this person help him.

It'll be interesting to see if this person can mobilize her forces in HR.



Last edited by *~aeri~*; 03/21/14 02:20 PM.

Married my best friend 7/23/05



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