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Re: So much for rehab [Re: Tinker] #332189
01/22/14 06:03 AM
01/22/14 06:03 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 9,007
The Farm
Jayne241 Offline
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Jayne241  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 9,007
The Farm
Oh no, b, I am so very sorry... I don't know what to say. I am praying for her, and for her brother and his family, and for her kids, and for you.


42.
Re: So much for rehab [Re: Jayne241] #332208
01/22/14 01:35 PM
01/22/14 01:35 PM
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 10,073
S
SmilingWife Offline
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SmilingWife  Offline
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S
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 10,073
Believer I am so sorry.

Is she your bio daughter?

I am glad her brother can take the children.

Re: So much for rehab [Re: SmilingWife] #332214
01/22/14 02:01 PM
01/22/14 02:01 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,401
Not quite here
Squeaky Tree Offline
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Squeaky Tree  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,401
Not quite here
B, you have always been such a source of comfort to me, I wish I could do something more. I will pray, I will pray for you all.


Married 21years (this year) ~12y since dday(?)
DD16 DS14
Which way do you like yourself? ~ Stosny
Re: So much for rehab [Re: believer] #332238
01/22/14 03:55 PM
01/22/14 03:55 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 17,282
The Castle Aaaggghh...
herfuturesbright Offline
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herfuturesbright  Offline
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Posts: 17,282
The Castle Aaaggghh...
I am so sorry believer. I cannot imagine what you must be going through, and your family. I pray for the best possible outcome and for a light at the end of this tunnel for your DD.

Re: So much for rehab [Re: herfuturesbright] #332244
01/22/14 04:08 PM
01/22/14 04:08 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 772
southern USA
at peace Offline
Member
at peace  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 772
southern USA
I'm so very sorry, Believer. frown I pray peace for all of you.

Lori


"To know what is right and not do it is the worst cowardice."
wife...mom...nana...happy smile
Re: So much for rehab [Re: at peace] #332250
01/22/14 04:28 PM
01/22/14 04:28 PM
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 256
A
Am I Too Late Offline
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Am I Too Late  Offline
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A
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 256
I feel for what you are going through. What a sad tale of transforming from the happy and joyous little girl you remember to be taken over by an addiction.

I hope you find some solace in the Narc-Anon meetings. When you love someone who you see is destroying their life, it is hard not to feel too tightly consumed by their choices.

I will be Praying for you, your daughter and the rest of your Family affected by this tragical event.

AITL

Re: So much for rehab [Re: Am I Too Late] #332264
01/22/14 06:03 PM
01/22/14 06:03 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,219
Florida
Gladstone Offline
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Gladstone  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,219
Florida
I am also so sorry to read this. I will also pray for your daughter, and for you. And for her brother.


**Formerly known as Cuthbert Calculus**

"There is enough sadness in life without having fellows like Gussie Fink-Nottle going about in sea boots."

Glad Tidings

Gladstone's Sucess Story
Re: So much for rehab [Re: Am I Too Late] #332266
01/22/14 06:04 PM
01/22/14 06:04 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,411
right here waiting Offline
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President
right here waiting  Offline
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President
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,411
More cyber hugs and (real) prayers, 'cause that's all I've got. frown

Re: So much for rehab [Re: right here waiting] #332298
01/22/14 07:40 PM
01/22/14 07:40 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 5,085
SFB Offline
Member
SFB  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 5,085
B:

Sorry to hear about the newest development...

SFB


Finding an ethical way to deal with pain, fear, disappointment etc..is part of the experience of becoming a stronger person...one who is driven by compassion instead of compulsion...ie I have a legitimate reason to be stressed out right now...however, my response to it will determine how others percieve me, and myself. (quoting Star*Fish)
Re: So much for rehab [Re: SFB] #332347
01/22/14 11:27 PM
01/22/14 11:27 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,883
Gateway to the West
N
Not2fun Offline
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Not2fun  Offline
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N
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,883
Gateway to the West
{{{{{{{{{B}}}}}}}}}

Oh honey, I am so sorry.....all of my thoughts and prayers and love to you, my friend.

Not


" If you couldn't change your partner when you were together, you sure aren't going to now that you aren't together..." Words of the teacher of the court mandated parenting class...and the ONE thing that stuck out to me!!!
Re: So much for rehab [Re: Not2fun] #332355
01/23/14 12:07 AM
01/23/14 12:07 AM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 20,616
B
believer Offline OP
Member
believer  Offline OP
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 20,616
Thanks for all the thoughts are prayers. They started doing dialysis today to help while her kidneys and liver have a chance to recover. She's still out of it, and it's unclear if it's because of prolonged lack of oxygen or from the overdose.

Her OD was heroin, meth, and alcohol.

SW - She is one of my step-daughters, and I've known her since she was a baby. She stayed with us every summer, and twice for a year at a time.


"I feel sad that I focused so much on his potential and so little on mine."
Re: So much for rehab [Re: believer] #332376
01/23/14 02:24 AM
01/23/14 02:24 AM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 9,381
TX
CajunRose Offline
Member
CajunRose  Offline
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 9,381
TX
I'm so sorry, believer. It's such an awful situation to be in. I wish there were more we can do for you.

hug


Current spouse: Night. D10, D9, S7

About me

You can't direct the wind, but you can adjust your sails.

http://www.divorcedmomfinances.com
Re: So much for rehab [Re: CajunRose] #332392
01/23/14 04:57 AM
01/23/14 04:57 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 335
Oz
defyinggravity Offline
Member
defyinggravity  Offline
Member
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 335
Oz
My prayers are with you believer. And with your family. Thinking of you and sending you lots of hugs.


It's not the destination, but the journey that matters most
WOZ
Re: So much for rehab [Re: defyinggravity] #332396
01/23/14 05:57 AM
01/23/14 05:57 AM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 20,616
B
believer Offline OP
Member
believer  Offline OP
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 20,616
Thanks, CR and DF.

I've been examining all the ways I failed her, for the last 2 days. Her birth mother was a hardcore drug addict who lived on welfare her whole life. She had 6 kids by 5 different men, and birthed one every 2 years so she could stay on welfare.

My husband and I had a lot of arguments about the status of the kids. He preferred to rug sweep and pretend nothing was going on. I did go to court to get the youngest taken away from her when he was three. He's living with his father and thriving.

But it caused a whole lot of problems in our family. My husband was furious that I went behind his back. His oldest two thought I betrayed their mother.

However, I knew things were not right. The mom always had a houseful of drug users living with her and her children. It turned out that both girls, and the three year old were molested.

The girl who is now fighting for her life was only 7 at the time, and she used to beg me to let her live with us. She never breathed a word that she was being molested, but I should have known.

I talked to my husband about it, and he told her mother we would take her, but the mother didn't want to lose her welfare payments. I just kind of let it go.

Fast forward a few years and my husband was depressed and had his 3 and a half year long affair. He didn't have much contact with his kids during that time, and the girl's mom moved with her daughter 150 miles north of us. I still saw her at birthdays and on holidays, but really wasn't there for her, and neither was my husband or her mother.

Then my husband committed suicide and last year, her mother died of an overdose. We all failed her.


"I feel sad that I focused so much on his potential and so little on mine."
Re: So much for rehab [Re: believer] #332405
01/23/14 06:29 AM
01/23/14 06:29 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 335
Oz
defyinggravity Offline
Member
defyinggravity  Offline
Member
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 335
Oz
You did not fail her. You cared about her and loved her and took care of her when you could. Her parents failed her by their own selfish means. Were you ever selfish? Did you hurt her? No. Please do not feel guilty. You did the best you could as an outsider. She is an adult who made poor choices for herself. It is so sad that these choices may leave her permanently scarred or take her life but she made these choices not you. More prayers and hugs coming your way.


It's not the destination, but the journey that matters most
WOZ
Re: So much for rehab [Re: defyinggravity] #332408
01/23/14 06:37 AM
01/23/14 06:37 AM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 629
Deep South
BBski Offline
Member
BBski  Offline
Member
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 629
Deep South
Believer, Defyinggravity is right. You tried to help, but as an outsider, you can only help so much. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this.


Me 59; XH 60
Married 34 yrs, together 39 yrs
DD30 (married w/1 1/2 yr old GS) & DD25
DDay Nov. 7, 2012
He moved out Feb 15,2013
D final July 2014
Re: So much for rehab [Re: defyinggravity] #332409
01/23/14 06:40 AM
01/23/14 06:40 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,411
right here waiting Offline
Board of Directors
President
right here waiting  Offline
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President
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,411
Ah, b, I know you wish you could have saved her...all those years ago and now as well.

You say you "should have known" that she was being molested. How? You couldn't read her mind, nor could you have forcibly taken her to live with you. The whole thing is a nightmare, a terrible tragedy, but it certainly isn't your fault. Still, I can imagine how horrible you feel. Love and prayers for you, dear lady.
hug

Re: So much for rehab [Re: right here waiting] #332413
01/23/14 07:34 AM
01/23/14 07:34 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,350
Ace Offline
Advocate
Ace  Offline
Advocate
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,350
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{B}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Ditto what the others have said. Praying for you and your family to have peace and know you're loved. Miracles can happen.

Hugzzz,
Ace

Re: So much for rehab [Re: Ace] #332424
01/23/14 01:18 PM
01/23/14 01:18 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 8,743
NewEveryDay Offline
Advocate
NewEveryDay  Offline
Advocate
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 8,743
Believer, I can only imagine the pain you are in now. When something like this happens everyone looks in hindsight at what they could have done. Even when it's adults, and this was someone who was just 7 way back then. You were doing what you could to balance what all your kids needed. You did have her live with you for a year twice.

What would it take for you to be able to move forward? Maybe some time to grieve. Maybe some IC. Have you been to a Nar-Anon meeting? Or you can go to an open NA meeting and hear folks speak that have been in recovery for 30 years, that gives hope too. You already do a lot of service, including renting to a young lady now, and you are making a difference in her life. Maybe all that will bring comfort, too.


"I have everything I need." and "I am exactly where I am supposed to be." ~Louise Hays
Re: So much for rehab [Re: NewEveryDay] #332453
01/23/14 03:29 PM
01/23/14 03:29 PM
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 10,073
S
SmilingWife Offline
Global Moderator
SmilingWife  Offline
Global Moderator
S
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 10,073
Believer it breaks my heart that you would blame yourself in any way. There is only so much a step mother can do, especially without the cooperation of the bio parents.

It is just a horrible tragedy all the way around.

Re: So much for rehab [Re: SmilingWife] #332483
01/23/14 04:58 PM
01/23/14 04:58 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,747
T
Telly Offline
Member
Telly  Offline
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T
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,747
OH Believer, I am so sorry.

I didn't see this until just now and I feel truly heart-sick for you and your family, and those poor children.

frown

(((((Prayers and love for all of you)))))))


Married 13 years
D10
D5
Re: So much for rehab [Re: Telly] #332533
01/23/14 08:06 PM
01/23/14 08:06 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 5,085
SFB Offline
Member
SFB  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 5,085
B.

I would have gone to the same place you did...

"What could *I* have done differently? To have prevented *this*"

There are many times and places that we could go back to, and make a different choice. But we can't....

You did the best you could with all the issues that you had going on for you then...

((((B))))

SFB


Finding an ethical way to deal with pain, fear, disappointment etc..is part of the experience of becoming a stronger person...one who is driven by compassion instead of compulsion...ie I have a legitimate reason to be stressed out right now...however, my response to it will determine how others percieve me, and myself. (quoting Star*Fish)
Re: So much for rehab [Re: SFB] #332627
01/24/14 04:38 AM
01/24/14 04:38 AM
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 2,344
O
ohmy_marie Offline
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ohmy_marie  Offline
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O
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 2,344
(((b)))


may came home with a smooth round stone
as small as a world and as large as alone. -- e. e. cummings
Re: So much for rehab [Re: ohmy_marie] #332630
01/24/14 04:47 AM
01/24/14 04:47 AM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,883
Gateway to the West
N
Not2fun Offline
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Not2fun  Offline
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N
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,883
Gateway to the West
{{{{{{{{B}}}}}}}},

You KNOW my story...and what I have and my oldest (and the rest our family) has been through. You know the struggles I have been through with my oldest daughter's stuff....

You didn't fail. You probably fought harder than anyone else in her life.

I've sent you a PM...in case you wanna talk...

My heart truly does break for you....

Not


" If you couldn't change your partner when you were together, you sure aren't going to now that you aren't together..." Words of the teacher of the court mandated parenting class...and the ONE thing that stuck out to me!!!
Re: So much for rehab [Re: Not2fun] #332711
01/24/14 08:56 PM
01/24/14 08:56 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,678
SoCal
Chrysalis Offline
Global Moderator
Chrysalis  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,678
SoCal
Believer, how are things today?


Chrysalis
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