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Re: "Counter Intuitive" aka Things YOU need to DO that aren't obvious... [Re: Squeaky Tree] #29147
11/27/10 11:19 PM
11/27/10 11:19 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 3,611
wiser_now Offline
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wiser_now  Offline
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Posts: 3,611
Originally Posted By: staytogether
Do you all have good vit D levels? Get them checked!


Blood tests next week for me. I am taking Vit D though!

Sorry for the t/j, Rob!


A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short. --Andre Maurois

Re: "Counter Intuitive" aka Things YOU need to DO that aren't obvious... [Re: Squeaky Tree] #29149
11/27/10 11:20 PM
11/27/10 11:20 PM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 4,657
L
LadyGrey Offline
Professional Attorney
LadyGrey  Offline
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L
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 4,657
Here is my completely off topic pharmaceutical history.

I've taken pretty much every anti-depressant/anxiety drug all the way back to the tricyclicals. I was resigned to being on AD's and not enjoying SF for the rest of my life.

Then one day I was REALLY down and had a LOT to do and took one of my daughter's ADD meds.

Magic. I wasn't depressed. I have ADD. A perfectionist with untreated ADD can only see what they haven't done, not what they have, which is depressing, plus those days of looking for a file and not remembering why because the closet the files were in obviously needs to be cleaned out right that very second, and where are the boxes, better go the Office Depot, wait, while I'm doing that I better get a printer cartridge, OK the printer is really not in a very convenient place so I should move it in that cabinet which is full of files -- oh yea, I was looking for a file. Three hours have now passed and it is time to go pick up the kids. I was an adult with the attention span of a two year old.

THAT is depressing. Strangely enough, my brother who is on the ER faculty at a medical school had the exact same experience with his son's ADD meds shortly after me. His reaction was anger that all those years he'd been fighting ADD with AD's -- the adrenaline generated by the ER has the same effect as ADD medication. The adrenaline generated by being a trial lawyer worked the same, one of the reasons I think I got so depressed after quitting to take care of the kids when I KNEW I didn't really like being a trial lawyer that much. And A's do generate adrenaline.

It's worth talking to your doctor about if any of this resonates.

My on-topic comment on the WAW: I read an article in our local paper recently about the WAW, although she wasn't called that. One of the points this article made that resonated with me is that some women reach the point where M has no utility -- kids are grown, they are financially independent, there is no value added by the H, and they always wanted to study art in New York, or whatever -- for me it is learn how to speak Spanish fluently by living in a Spanish speaking country for six months. I've always wanted to do that -- not something he would ever want to do (languages are not his thing to put it mildly -- kind of a family joke). According to the article, the WAW who has been tabling her needs and hopes in favor of the family unit is finally in a position to reach some of her goals about the same time as the LBH is winding down his career and wants to relax.

It would be interesting to hear how the issue of a WAW remaining married as inconsistent with her life's goals could be addressed. Seems like a problem without a solution to me. It may be a generational issue, but I sort of doubt it as it appears to me that women still do the vast majority of the child rearing.

Mods, if you think that would be better addressed in a different thread, please feel free to move it. I'm unclear on the scope of this thread.


Bidden or not bidden God is present.
Re: "Counter Intuitive" aka Things YOU need to DO that aren't obvious... [Re: LadyGrey] #29150
11/27/10 11:24 PM
11/27/10 11:24 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 3,611
wiser_now Offline
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wiser_now  Offline
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sb, no need to move unless Rob asks. As you know, threads are like conversations and can meander all over the place.

By the way, when I was reading about Welbutrin, it said it can be used for ADHD, which I also have. So, you inadvertently found something that helps more than one issue!



A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short. --Andre Maurois

Re: "Counter Intuitive" aka Things YOU need to DO that aren't obvious... [Re: LadyGrey] #29164
11/28/10 12:08 AM
11/28/10 12:08 AM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 80
California
jollynot Offline
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jollynot  Offline
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Posts: 80
California
Hey sb,
I'd love to talk more about this with you somewhere.
I know you know all about my situation, but in the back of my mind I should probably be the WAW, not the one left behind. I'd like to talk more about that.

Should we start a thread somewhere?
: )

Re: "Counter Intuitive" aka Things YOU need to DO that aren't obvious... [Re: jollynot] #29168
11/28/10 12:14 AM
11/28/10 12:14 AM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 4,657
L
LadyGrey Offline
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LadyGrey  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 4,657
I'm happy to start a thread jolly -- you think here or Lost that Lovin Feeling?

I have a lot of thoughts on what an H can do so that his W never gets to the WA part!


Bidden or not bidden God is present.
Re: "Counter Intuitive" aka Things YOU need to DO that aren't obvious... [Re: LadyGrey] #29183
11/28/10 12:43 AM
11/28/10 12:43 AM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 80
California
jollynot Offline
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jollynot  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 80
California
Anywhere works for me. : ) Just let me know.
I'm writing a big paper for grad school tonight, so I won't be able to write anything thoughtful until tomorrow. HOpe you are doing well.

Re: "Counter Intuitive" aka Things YOU need to DO that aren't obvious... [Re: jollynot] #29189
11/28/10 12:50 AM
11/28/10 12:50 AM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,883
Gateway to the West
N
Not2fun Offline
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Not2fun  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2010
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Gateway to the West
I think SOS would be a great place.....

Seeks, if you start, I'll throw in my $2.67 worth.... wink

Not2fun


" If you couldn't change your partner when you were together, you sure aren't going to now that you aren't together..." Words of the teacher of the court mandated parenting class...and the ONE thing that stuck out to me!!!
Re: "Counter Intuitive" aka Things YOU need to DO that aren't obvious... [Re: Not2fun] #29279
11/28/10 05:46 AM
11/28/10 05:46 AM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 930
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Don Man Don Offline
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Don Man Don  Offline
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Counter-Intuitive thinking?

Can u help?

My wife recently got implants. Nice ones. really.

At the same time though, she bought me a dog. A German short hair pointer mixed with Alaskan husky. Dog needs to be run 5 times a day. So far that I needed to device some bikejoring contraption on the old Cannondale to keep up with this athlete. Worst he never got fixed. Named him Gucci Bionic. My legs are sore.

What is she trying to tell me?

Re: "Counter Intuitive" aka Things YOU need to DO that aren't obvious... [Re: Don Man Don] #29290
11/28/10 07:03 AM
11/28/10 07:03 AM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,821
flowmom Offline
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flowmom  Offline
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GOOCH! cool


we: me44 + my husband Pookie :9: + S9 + D6
Re: "Counter Intuitive" aka Things YOU need to DO that aren't obvious... [Re: flowmom] #29354
11/28/10 04:42 PM
11/28/10 04:42 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,744
SEATTLE, WA
kimmie lee Offline
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kimmie lee  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,744
SEATTLE, WA
Originally Posted By: flowmom
GOOCH! cool


The "GOOCH" RULES!!
dancing


THE FOG comes
on little cat feet.

It sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then moves on....C. Sandburg


GOSH!!
GOLLY!!
Re: "Counter Intuitive" aka Things YOU need to DO that aren't obvious... [Re: kimmie lee] #29365
11/28/10 05:08 PM
11/28/10 05:08 PM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,959
D
D4MIL Offline
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D4MIL  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,959
hold on .. is the gooch here? it's noon and i'm still working on my morning coffee. razz

Re: "Counter Intuitive" aka Things YOU need to DO that aren't obvious... [Re: Don Man Don] #29515
11/28/10 10:46 PM
11/28/10 10:46 PM
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Posts: 59
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SurvivalnAK Offline
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SurvivalnAK  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2010
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Originally Posted By: Don Man Don
Counter-Intuitive thinking?

Can u help?

My wife recently got implants. Nice ones. really.

At the same time though, she bought me a dog. A German short hair pointer mixed with Alaskan husky. Dog needs to be run 5 times a day. So far that I needed to device some bikejoring contraption on the old Cannondale to keep up with this athlete. Worst he never got fixed. Named him Gucci Bionic. My legs are sore.

What is she trying to tell me?


ROFL

Re: "Counter Intuitive" aka Things YOU need to DO that aren't obvious... [Re: Don Man Don] #29517
11/28/10 10:50 PM
11/28/10 10:50 PM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 4,593
WI
Danf Offline
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Danf  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 4,593
WI
Originally Posted By: Don Man Don
Counter-Intuitive thinking?

Can u help?

My wife recently got implants. Nice ones. really.

At the same time though, she bought me a dog. A German short hair pointer mixed with Alaskan husky. Dog needs to be run 5 times a day. So far that I needed to device some bikejoring contraption on the old Cannondale to keep up with this athlete. Worst he never got fixed. Named him Gucci Bionic. My legs are sore.

What is she trying to tell me?


Improve your stamina!


Me45 - S13, D11
Disconnected 7/1/12

I'm a brand new sky to hang the stars upon tonight......
Re: "Counter Intuitive" aka Things YOU need to DO that aren't obvious... [Re: Danf] #29526
11/28/10 11:27 PM
11/28/10 11:27 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 17,282
The Castle Aaaggghh...
herfuturesbright Offline
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herfuturesbright  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 17,282
The Castle Aaaggghh...
Oh, gooch is a person. I thought it was some magic word or something. smile

Re: "Counter Intuitive" aka Things YOU need to DO that aren't obvious... [Re: herfuturesbright] #29529
11/28/10 11:43 PM
11/28/10 11:43 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,744
SEATTLE, WA
kimmie lee Offline
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kimmie lee  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,744
SEATTLE, WA
Originally Posted By: heremainsfaithful
Oh, gooch is a person. I thought it was some magic word or something. smile


It is a kinda magic.

God, I loved Queen......not that I think the Gooch is a queen or anything.....not that there would be anything wrong with that.....


THE FOG comes
on little cat feet.

It sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then moves on....C. Sandburg


GOSH!!
GOLLY!!
Re: "Counter Intuitive" aka Things YOU need to DO that aren't obvious... [Re: kimmie lee] #29536
11/29/10 12:01 AM
11/29/10 12:01 AM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,913
pookie69 Offline
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pookie69  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,913
Originally Posted By: kimmie lee
Originally Posted By: heremainsfaithful
Oh, gooch is a person. I thought it was some magic word or something. smile


It is a kinda magic.

God, I loved Queen......not that I think the Gooch is a queen or anything.....not that there would be anything wrong with that.....


Now we need Steve The Riddle and we'll be in good hands. grin



"A desire presupposes the possibility of action to achieve it; action presupposes a goal which is worth achieving." - Ayn Rand
Re: "Counter Intuitive" aka Things YOU need to DO that aren't obvious... [Re: pookie69] #29705
11/29/10 01:47 PM
11/29/10 01:47 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 71
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Gucci Loafer Offline
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Gucci Loafer  Offline
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Not to worry. The Gooch has been following along since PDT was banned from Dbusters....

Just observing and learning.....

Re: "Counter Intuitive" aka Things YOU need to DO that aren't obvious... [Re: Gucci Loafer] #29780
11/29/10 04:31 PM
11/29/10 04:31 PM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,959
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D4MIL Offline
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D4MIL  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2010
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it's about time, GL. smile

Re: "Counter Intuitive" aka Things YOU need to DO that aren't obvious... [Re: Gucci Loafer] #29789
11/29/10 04:58 PM
11/29/10 04:58 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,913
pookie69 Offline
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pookie69  Offline
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Posts: 6,913
Originally Posted By: Gucci Loafer
Not to worry. The Gooch has been following along since PDT was banned from Dbusters....

Just observing and learning.....


Perfect timing. grin

My sitch turned right back to where it was the first time you told me to move out, it's like a new beginning. This time I am taking your advice seriously.

Welcome. thumbsup



"A desire presupposes the possibility of action to achieve it; action presupposes a goal which is worth achieving." - Ayn Rand
Re: "Counter Intuitive" aka Things YOU need to DO that aren't obvious... [Re: herfuturesbright] #29931
11/29/10 10:10 PM
11/29/10 10:10 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,652
rob x Offline OP
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rob x  Offline OP
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Posts: 1,652
Originally Posted By: heremainsfaithful
Oh, gooch is a person. I thought it was some magic word or something. smile


Actually he is a person and a magic word all at the same time ;-)

Re: "Counter Intuitive" aka Things YOU need to DO that aren't obvious... [Re: Gucci Loafer] #29934
11/29/10 10:16 PM
11/29/10 10:16 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,652
rob x Offline OP
Member
rob x  Offline OP
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,652
Originally Posted By: Gucci Loafer
Not to worry. The Gooch has been following along since PDT was banned from Dbusters....

Just observing and learning.....


Well I for one am glad to see you here,
it's nice to see quite a few of the others from the db forums as well - honestly I was a little sad to leave the db forums because of that. This new site takes some getting used to, still keep looking for the newcomers forum link every now & then ;-)


Re: "Counter Intuitive" aka Things YOU need to DO that aren't obvious... [Re: rob x] #30036
11/30/10 02:47 AM
11/30/10 02:47 AM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,181
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ShockedOne Offline
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ShockedOne  Offline
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Gooch, good to see you here.

Re: "Counter Intuitive" aka Things YOU need to DO that aren't obvious... [Re: kimmie lee] #30315
11/30/10 08:00 PM
11/30/10 08:00 PM
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Posts: 1,064
Looking4 Offline
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Looking4  Offline
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Posts: 1,064
T/J

Originally Posted By: kimmie lee
Plus, so many on this forum are so willing to take an adulterer back into their bed. Why??
People make their own choices based upon their experiences and the information and options they have before them. The variables that I've heard from people who opted to stay in their relationship are numerous.

Originally Posted By: kimmie lee
They have shown you what they are capable of, and believe me, infidelity is one of those pesky CORE VALUES. Those are WHO SOMEONE IS, and WHAT THEY ARE CAPABLE OF DOING.

These core values are line just begging to be crossed again.
Please point me toward the research that has identified what the human CORE VALUES are because I haven't seen the definitive, scientifically agreed upon list. I get a variety of results from a wide breadth of sources when I google "core values".

I shop-lifted when I was a child. I haven't shoplifted since.

I did some drugs in my teens and 20s. I haven't done them now in years.

I used to ski without a helmet until 6 years ago. I've worn one every time I've skied since.

I didn't get caught by my husband when I cheated. I might have been able to go through my entire life without him knowing. But I knew I wanted to change and live an honest, respectful, and healthier life. And I am doing so now.

People experience. People learn. People change. People are not 100%, perfectly consistent.

I am not who I was when I was 15, 27, or 42. I doubt most people are. It is because of what I experienced and learned when I was 15, 27, and 42 that has helped mold me into who I am and what I think today.

This statement that you made, kimmie lee, "Those are WHO SOMEONE IS..." -- proclaiming to know who someone is today (present tense) because of one thing that they did in the past (past tense) was assumptive, judgmental, and degrading, and it could be harmful for those who are trying to become changed-for-the-better individuals.

And as far as this "...and WHAT THEY ARE CAPABLE OF DOING." Everyone is capable of having an affair. Everyone. I repeat...

Everyone.

It's whether or not they choose to do so.

I struggle a lot with labels and judgments cast upon me. I'm getting better about letting them fall from me, but I can still be affected. And I know how especially affected I was by them when I was vulnerable, depressed, and fragile after admitting my wrongs on a forum. People called me names and spewed untruths that I talked myself into believing because of how unstable I was. Supporters who were trying to help me and my H (through my actions toward him) would write, "Don't pay any attention to what s/he wrote. S/he doesn't know you." But that's hard to do when you believe that you're glaringly wearing the scarlet letter and you feel that everyone will only see your sins, your shame, your guilt, and your disgust for the rest of your life.

I hope we can work to help people know they do not have to stay how and where they are but that they can change. Just as you and others are advocating that husbands and wives need to change their ways and thought processes to lure back a walk-away or a wayward spouse, I want to advocate letting adulterers know they can make changes too.

WWs and WHs can be former WWs and WHs. They do not have to be and are not defined by their infidelity alone but by what they do because of it. People who cheat and sin -- not only in their marriage but in all relationships -- can work through the pain they've caused others and become honest, unselfish, respectful, loving, caring, productive, and happier individuals. They can change.

I hope people on MA (and everywhere) will be open to that possibility.

end T/J


Married 19 years
Two children - DS12 & DD10
Re: "Counter Intuitive" aka Things YOU need to DO that aren't obvious... [Re: Looking4] #30317
11/30/10 08:05 PM
11/30/10 08:05 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,883
Gateway to the West
N
Not2fun Offline
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Not2fun  Offline
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Posts: 1,883
Gateway to the West
{{{{L4}}}}

Beautifully stated..... hug

Not2fun


" If you couldn't change your partner when you were together, you sure aren't going to now that you aren't together..." Words of the teacher of the court mandated parenting class...and the ONE thing that stuck out to me!!!
Re: "Counter Intuitive" aka Things YOU need to DO that aren't obvious... [Re: Not2fun] #30319
11/30/10 08:07 PM
11/30/10 08:07 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 411
Greek Offline
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Greek  Offline
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Posts: 411
Bravo, Looking4..bravo.
Greek


Man made problems have man made solutions.
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