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Re: Spending time with soon to be ex wife and kids good or bad in my situation?
[Re: Andru]
#289917
04/08/13 12:59 AM
04/08/13 12:59 AM
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 5,105
SFB
Member
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Member
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 5,105
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Andru:
How long ago were the divorce papers filed? And are they final, or still somewhere in the divorce process?
Which state are you in?
You work from home, but she is a caregiver? Who is she caring for? In your home or else where? Is she getting paid for this?
How long have you been married?
You helped her find a new place to move to? And then helped her move?
Do you have keys and access when ever you want to this new apartment/house?
You never gave her attention before, and now she wants more of it, now that you are getting divorced. Something wrong there, don't you think?
Understand, she has lined up a replacement for you, but, to make sure she feels better, she wants to "remain friends". If you approve of her actions, then, its better for here.
Are you getting screwed in the divorce papers, or are you doing better than expected?
Sorry you have to be here.
Time to put on your big boy pants. She likes wearing them. They will look better on you.
SFB
How long ago did she meet and start talking to this other man?
Finding an ethical way to deal with pain, fear, disappointment etc..is part of the experience of becoming a stronger person...one who is driven by compassion instead of compulsion...ie I have a legitimate reason to be stressed out right now...however, my response to it will determine how others percieve me, and myself. (quoting Star*Fish)
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Re: Spending time with soon to be ex wife and kids good or bad in my situation?
[Re: CajunRose]
#290113
04/08/13 07:45 PM
04/08/13 07:45 PM
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Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 73
ABetterLifeAwaits
Member
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Member
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 73
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Andru, Firt off, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I want to tell you that the advice (and questions) you are getting from the posters here are unbelievably spot-on!! I have visited A LOT of websites/ forums in the past 6 months (I was divorced over 11 months ago) and if I would have found this site first, I may have been able to repair my marriage (even AFTER the divorce).
I don't want to hijack your thread, I only want to give you a glimpse of what NOT to do. Like you, I did not want a divorce, even though I caught my ex in an affair. It hit me like a ton of bricks & COMPLETELY out of nowhere. My ex was bound & determined to get a D. Best I can tell, she was a bored stay-at-home Mom who was turning 40 and thought the grass was greener elsewhere. This is where our stories are similar. I pined over her relentlessly. It only drove her further away. Even after the D was final, I acted like her best friend and kept doing things for and with her. I would hang out with her & my two girls whenever she wanted. BIG MISTAKE! Even though we were divorced, it was a form of cake eating. This is when the WS wants to detach & have another life, but also wants to act all buddy-buddy with the LBS.
Please DO NOT ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN! All it will do is make your pain greater & her recovery/ detachment from you easier. Like believer said, she fired you from being her husband. Let her experience the consequences of that decision. You are in incredible hands! Please listen to the advice from these posters!!
God bless & good luck!
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Re: Spending time with soon to be ex wife and kids good or bad in my situation?
[Re: ABetterLifeAwaits]
#342967
04/05/14 02:04 AM
04/05/14 02:04 AM
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 425
Oxfordvic
Member
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Member
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 425
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Andru, Firt off, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I want to tell you that the advice (and questions) you are getting from the posters here are unbelievably spot-on!! I have visited A LOT of websites/ forums in the past 6 months (I was divorced over 11 months ago) and if I would have found this site first, I may have been able to repair my marriage (even AFTER the divorce).
I don't want to hijack your thread, I only want to give you a glimpse of what NOT to do. Like you, I did not want a divorce, even though I caught my ex in an affair. It hit me like a ton of bricks & COMPLETELY out of nowhere. My ex was bound & determined to get a D. Best I can tell, she was a bored stay-at-home Mom who was turning 40 and thought the grass was greener elsewhere. This is where our stories are similar. I pined over her relentlessly. It only drove her further away. Even after the D was final, I acted like her best friend and kept doing things for and with her. I would hang out with her & my two girls whenever she wanted. BIG MISTAKE! Even though we were divorced, it was a form of cake eating. This is when the WS wants to detach & have another life, but also wants to act all buddy-buddy with the LBS.
Please DO NOT ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN! All it will do is make your pain greater & her recovery/ detachment from you easier. Like believer said, she fired you from being her husband. Let her experience the consequences of that decision. You are in incredible hands! Please listen to the advice from these posters!!
God bless & good luck!
Andru I am not divorced yet. My wife has been all over the place. She is living with the other man (OM). I dont want to fill your thread with my story, but she wants to move home when he leaves back to his country, She says the same things to me as your EX and Abeeterlife's. She tellsme she loves me like a brother and has more in common with me than her OM, but she is In-love with him.. Life is mundane he offers her this fantasy life that I discuss in my thread. Anyway the people here are really trying to get me to detach. Every time I listen she comes back either by texting or calling. Every time I initiate, she ignores me. They are a patient group of people. Since you are already divorced and living separate I would really listen to their advice. You will save yourself a lot of heartache. Good Luck to you
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