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Re: Great new marriage forum
[Re: Otherwise]
#260123
10/08/12 12:27 AM
10/08/12 12:27 AM
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 4,662
LadyGrey
Professional Attorney
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Professional Attorney
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 4,662
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I have no idea whether any of you are being sarcastic
but there does seem to be a huge amount of "history"
and cliques and fights on this forum.
Which I don't really know my way around, as a newcomer.
But it does make it harder to comprehend the advice here. Otherwise, mea culpa -- I was being sarcastic. I'm a sarcastic person which plays better in real life. I won "Most Cynical" in my high school class, something I am absurdly proud of probably because that is the only time in my life I've been recognized by my peers. I'm working on it. I apologize (read: I am horrified) that my behavior has contributed to uncertainty regarding the advice. This is the first time it has smacked me upside of the head that tension between folks here actually undermines the mission -- that people might wonder if they are pawns in a larger game. Your thread inspired me to begin work on an article on approaches that encourage communication between spouses. It is in the Construction Zone. It would be lovely if you could add your thoughts -- what you have read, what you've tried and how that has played out. I don't wish to cause you pain, but you had a long marriage with your first wife. Perhaps you have some thoughts on how communication worked in that marriage. I have found that some things that should be a given just aren't. Dr. Harley (MarriageBuilders) says that conversation between spouses should always be pleasant. As in always. Well, duh. My very favorite thing I ever heard a marriage counselor (MC). say was described by someone (no idea who) on this forum. This MC began every session by having the spouses turn to one another and say out loud "you are not the enemy." Well, duh. I can't tell you how many times I have accessed the "you are not the enemy" concept when I've gotten frustrated with whatever. Currently, I'm converting our in ground sprinkler system to a drip system. When my husband checks in on how it is going .... (not so great today as I broke off a riser at the threads) -- I remember he is not the enemy. In fairness to me, for much of our marriage he was hyper-critical. We have been married for 26 years and together for 37. It's taken a good bit of work to shift my perspective on this "well, duh" point, but it has been extremely rewarding. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Sorry about the thread jack.
Last edited by LadyGrey; 10/08/12 01:15 AM.
Bidden or not bidden God is present.
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Re: Great new marriage forum
[Re: Otherwise]
#260201
10/08/12 01:42 PM
10/08/12 01:42 PM
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,581
Ace
Advocate
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Advocate
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,581
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I have been very conscious here of factions and agendas which made me wonder, exactly as you say, if I was a pawn, and some people's comments were part of a point-scoring picture
I don't know if you remember but there was a big outburst of reaction on my thread when I said that F&I might be mistaken about something. Like I had accidentally stepped on a landmine or said "well thats just your opinion" to the Pope. Hi OW, I just posted to your thread about another point but thought I'd lend a little insight here, too. Regarding what was perceived to be an "outburst" when you questioned the long post FI gave you when you first arrived, I took it to mean that folks were concerned that you may have looked past a huge gift without possibly considering that there might be some truth to what was being offered. There was no point-scoring involved, IMVHO, only concern that you receive the best help possible....and FI had offered (and continues to offer) you her help for free with no strings attached. Others are, too. As we all know, time and thoughts are very valuable, especially on a free discussion forum. They can be life-changing for some, which is one of the many reasons members want all, especially new members to receive the fullest of what is shared. Some of us are very limited in our ability to access MA but we care just as much as those who are here more often. Hope that helps, Ace
We're overcoming decades of marital dysfunction including abuse, passive aggression, gas-lighting & infidelity (both of us). Our Weird and Ongoing Story
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Re: Great new marriage forum
[Re: Ace]
#269056
12/14/12 02:54 AM
12/14/12 02:54 AM
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 4,705
ForeverHers
Member
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Member
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 4,705
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I have been very conscious here of factions and agendas which made me wonder, exactly as you say, if I was a pawn, and some people's comments were part of a point-scoring picture
I don't know if you remember but there was a big outburst of reaction on my thread when I said that F&I might be mistaken about something. Like I had accidentally stepped on a landmine or said "well thats just your opinion" to the Pope. Hi OW, I just posted to your thread about another point but thought I'd lend a little insight here, too. Regarding what was perceived to be an "outburst" when you questioned the long post FI gave you when you first arrived, I took it to mean that folks were concerned that you may have looked past a huge gift without possibly considering that there might be some truth to what was being offered. There was no point-scoring involved, IMVHO, only concern that you receive the best help possible....and FI had offered (and continues to offer) you her help for free with no strings attached. Others are, too. As we all know, time and thoughts are very valuable, especially on a free discussion forum. They can be life-changing for some, which is one of the many reasons members want all, especially new members to receive the fullest of what is shared. Some of us are very limited in our ability to access MA but we care just as much as those who are here more often. Hope that helps, Ace Ace, count me as one of those who has been here "less often" since the Summer.....and for the very reasons Otherwise brought up. So now there is another "marriage forum"? With predominantly the same people posting here and on other already existing forums? Each to his/her own, as the saying goes. I hope you and yours have a wonderful Christmas as we celebrate the reason for the season! God bless. FH
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