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Re: Great new marriage forum [Re: peppermint] #358263
07/31/14 01:50 AM
07/31/14 01:50 AM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 5,222
L
LivingWell Offline
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LivingWell  Offline
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L
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Could be meeting where it doesn't cost money or require volunteers to monitor and maintain. Just keeping out the spammers can be quite a task.

Re: Great new marriage forum [Re: peppermint] #358268
07/31/14 02:13 AM
07/31/14 02:13 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,477
right here waiting Offline
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Originally Posted By: peppermint
Originally Posted By: herfuturesbright
Actually, I think there just wasn't a need for them to hang out and ruminate. People moved on. No more need for reliving the past.


Uh oh........I might need to follow this advice myself.......


Peppermint , please say you're joking and that you won't even even think of leaving! Your posts are so helpful. I'm sure I'm not in the minority, thinking that.

ETA: LW, you're right about the spammers. They're like cockroaches. angry

Last edited by right here waiting; 07/31/14 02:15 AM.
Re: Great new marriage forum [Re: right here waiting] #358333
07/31/14 01:29 PM
07/31/14 01:29 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 5,105
SFB Offline
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Originally Posted By: right here waiting
Originally Posted By: peppermint
Originally Posted By: herfuturesbright
Actually, I think there just wasn't a need for them to hang out and ruminate. People moved on. No more need for reliving the past.


Uh oh........I might need to follow this advice myself.......


Peppermint , please say you're joking and that you won't even even think of leaving! Your posts are so helpful. I'm sure I'm not in the minority, thinking that.

ETA: LW, you're right about the spammers. They're like cockroaches. angry



Yes, Pep. You can continue to hang out...

wink

SFB


Finding an ethical way to deal with pain, fear, disappointment etc..is part of the experience of becoming a stronger person...one who is driven by compassion instead of compulsion...ie I have a legitimate reason to be stressed out right now...however, my response to it will determine how others percieve me, and myself. (quoting Star*Fish)
Re: Great new marriage forum [Re: SFB] #358447
08/01/14 01:29 AM
08/01/14 01:29 AM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 17,282
The Castle Aaaggghh...
herfuturesbright Offline
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herfuturesbright  Offline
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The Castle Aaaggghh...
Exactly, pep. You are the kind of person who needs to leave. You are am asset.

Re: Great new marriage forum [Re: herfuturesbright] #358448
08/01/14 01:49 AM
08/01/14 01:49 AM
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,681
Carolina Blue Heaven
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peppermint Offline
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Carolina Blue Heaven
Originally Posted By: herfuturesbright
Exactly, pep. You are the kind of person who needs to leave. You are am asset.


Well I really don't know what to say to that. Thanks?

Re: Great new marriage forum [Re: herfuturesbright] #358488
08/01/14 12:35 PM
08/01/14 12:35 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,287
PEEKSKILL NY
Rich57 Offline
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PEEKSKILL NY
Originally Posted By: herfuturesbright
Exactly, pep. You are the kind of person who needs to leave. You are am asset.

Did you leave a word out of this?
Or did I mis read it?

Re: Great new marriage forum [Re: Rich57] #358528
08/01/14 03:53 PM
08/01/14 03:53 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 17,282
The Castle Aaaggghh...
herfuturesbright Offline
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herfuturesbright  Offline
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Posts: 17,282
The Castle Aaaggghh...
Oops...are NOT THE KIND OF PERSON who should leave. Pep is a wise and valuable BS with good things to contribute.

Re: Great new marriage forum [Re: herfuturesbright] #358540
08/01/14 05:04 PM
08/01/14 05:04 PM
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,681
Carolina Blue Heaven
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peppermint Offline
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Carolina Blue Heaven
Originally Posted By: herfuturesbright
Oops...are NOT THE KIND OF PERSON who should leave. Pep is a wise and valuable BS with good things to contribute.


hug thanks for that, herf.

Re: Great new marriage forum [Re: peppermint] #358542
08/01/14 05:17 PM
08/01/14 05:17 PM
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,681
Carolina Blue Heaven
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peppermint Offline
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Carolina Blue Heaven
HERF,
When I reread what you wrote, i was surprised when I saw the BS. I don't think of myself in that way, nor do I think of my beloved as a WS. I guess I think of us both as survivors, and that is a very good thing. I really like MA and many of the members feel like old or new friends, but maybe it is time to move on for me too. I do want to say that I never think of you in terms of the "W" word, just as a fellow survivor. I hope you will come to see yourself the same way so that the judgements and hurtful comments will have no effect on you. As I told my good friend Marie, I learned that good people sometimes do bad things but they are still good people. You are good people, and I would be proud to have you as a friend IRL.

Re: Great new marriage forum [Re: peppermint] #358553
08/01/14 05:51 PM
08/01/14 05:51 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,450
midwest
Miranda Offline
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Miranda  Offline
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midwest
Originally Posted By: peppermint
HERF,
When I reread what you wrote, i was surprised when I saw the BS. I don't think of myself in that way, nor do I think of my beloved as a WS. I guess I think of us both as survivors, and that is a very good thing. I really like MA and many of the members feel like old or new friends, but maybe it is time to move on for me too. I do want to say that I never think of you in terms of the "W" word, just as a fellow survivor. I hope you will come to see yourself the same way so that the judgements and hurtful comments will have no effect on you. As I told my good friend Marie, I learned that good people sometimes do bad things but they are still good people. You are good people, and I would be proud to have you as a friend IRL.


You've captured what I've been thinking exactly Pep. I frequently forget which "side" of the infidelity thing folks who are recovered/former/whatever and still post here fell on back in the day. I just don't think of it that way. I don't think about myself that way very often either (although I have recently because of a couple of posts.) We are all just folks who have been through some stuff and who have seen some schiz and have some points of view to offer. I have respect for everyone's position because I know everybody fought hard to get where they're at regardless of which side of the field they played on. I know it ain't easy from either side. So I give a lot of kudos to anyone who is willing to stick around and offer advice and a shoulder to cry on for folks still in the trenches.

And that means ANYONE, that's not hyperbole.


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: Great new marriage forum [Re: Miranda] #358560
08/01/14 06:39 PM
08/01/14 06:39 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 5,222
L
LivingWell Offline
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Posts: 5,222
Originally Posted By: Miranda
I frequently forget which "side" of the infidelity thing folks who are recovered/former/whatever and still post here fell on back in the day. I just don't think of it that way. I don't think about myself that way very often either (although I have recently because of a couple of posts.)

I was going to say the same thing, Miranda. Once someone gets past a certain point in the infidelity/marital crisis, there comes a point in personal recovery that I can't tell who used to be a W or a B unless they tell me. I have been stunned over the years at who has revealed that they used to be a W. I've also surprised others who thought that surely I was a W when I was actually a B (pun intended on that one LOL).


Quote:
We are all just folks who have been through some stuff and who have seen some schiz and have some points of view to offer.

For me, it's having points of view to offer while getting a need met for myself at the same time. That need has changed a few times since registering at MA but it all falls under the category of personal recovery.


Quote:
I know it ain't easy from either side.

I think it's very similar from both sides. In my view, except for some details during the time of infidelity, most of the issues are the same.

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