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Re: Dating without expectations [Re: believer] #241496
06/20/12 01:41 AM
06/20/12 01:41 AM
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DFW, TX
TACticGAL Offline OP
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Believer - someone should tell Mr. Michael that "fast" isn't always a good thing. wink



Let me not be so vain to think I'm the sole author of my victories and and a victim of my defeats. -- ze frank
Re: Dating without expectations [Re: TACticGAL] #241497
06/20/12 01:55 AM
06/20/12 01:55 AM
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Eeek! Whoa, TAC!!!!!!!


"I feel sad that I focused so much on his potential and so little on mine."
Re: Dating without expectations [Re: believer] #241505
06/20/12 03:02 AM
06/20/12 03:02 AM
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TACticGAL Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: believer
Eeek! Whoa, TAC!!!!!!!


What?!? angelhorns Just sayin'. wink


Let me not be so vain to think I'm the sole author of my victories and and a victim of my defeats. -- ze frank
Re: Dating without expectations [Re: TACticGAL] #241715
06/20/12 11:01 PM
06/20/12 11:01 PM
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Well, my FWB is off to a not so glorious start.

Nick sent me this message last night after he left -

"Jun 19, 2012 11:23pm The truth is, if you would disappear one day, a piece of me will be empty for rest of my life, like a "dead man walking":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CeKeN6B11bY

sooo, please do keep the stereo close for as long as possible, you know, 'cause sounds don't travel through empty spaces

:)"


"I feel sad that I focused so much on his potential and so little on mine."
Re: Dating without expectations [Re: believer] #241718
06/20/12 11:27 PM
06/20/12 11:27 PM
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TACticGAL Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: believer
Well, my FWB is off to a not so glorious start.

Nick sent me this message last night after he left -

"Jun 19, 2012 11:23pm The truth is, if you would disappear one day, a piece of me will be empty for rest of my life, like a "dead man walking":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CeKeN6B11bY

sooo, please do keep the stereo close for as long as possible, you know, 'cause sounds don't travel through empty spaces

:)"


Wow. No chance he's just into the music? eek


Let me not be so vain to think I'm the sole author of my victories and and a victim of my defeats. -- ze frank
Re: Dating without expectations [Re: Amazin] #241719
06/20/12 11:36 PM
06/20/12 11:36 PM
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The Desert
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Originally Posted By: Amazin
Originally Posted By: believer
But gay or not, Amazin, that would be my FWB guy. He's very appealing, somehow.


Oh... OK... we're talking fatasy guy. Gotcha... wink

I'd post a video of my "Dream" FWB girl... but for some reason that girl is always nekked in my dreams and it would probably be a violation of the TOS to post the video. ROFL

On another note... TAC, I got a friend in the DFW area that sounds just like your dream guy. Tall, in excellent physical shape, real good looking (And I'm not even gay) financially stable, about 45 years old, divorced with 3 grown sons and available.

Click to reveal..
Unfortunately he just got another job and he's moving close to Desert Rose. Kind of an anti-sex-climatic ending huh.... ROFL


*ears perk up*


~*~Desert Rose~*~

Love it a verb, not a noun. It is an action we take, not a feeling that changes over time.
Re: Dating without expectations [Re: TACticGAL] #241720
06/20/12 11:48 PM
06/20/12 11:48 PM
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Originally Posted By: TACticGAL
Originally Posted By: believer
Well, my FWB is off to a not so glorious start.

Nick sent me this message last night after he left -

"Jun 19, 2012 11:23pm The truth is, if you would disappear one day, a piece of me will be empty for rest of my life, like a "dead man walking":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CeKeN6B11bY

sooo, please do keep the stereo close for as long as possible, you know, 'cause sounds don't travel through empty spaces

:)"


Wow. No chance he's just into the music? eek


Ha TAC! We are both into music.

No, I had mentioned to him that I hoped the FWB thing wouldn't ruin our friendship, and to let me know if he wanted to date someone, and not just disappear.


"I feel sad that I focused so much on his potential and so little on mine."
Re: Dating without expectations [Re: believer] #241802
06/21/12 04:20 AM
06/21/12 04:20 AM
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Originally Posted By: believer
Ha TAC! We are both into music.

No, I had mentioned to him that I hoped the FWB thing wouldn't ruin our friendship, and to let me know if he wanted to date someone, and not just disappear.


Eeek. Methinks he doesn't grasp the concept.


Let me not be so vain to think I'm the sole author of my victories and and a victim of my defeats. -- ze frank
Re: Dating without expectations [Re: TACticGAL] #241900
06/21/12 05:01 PM
06/21/12 05:01 PM
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TACticGAL Offline OP
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Well, this weekend is with Munchkin. I think I'm going to reserve seating for Saturday's showing of Brave at the Movie Grill.

Next weekend Scot has invited me to his birthday party, and I suspect that there'll be more conversation about where this is (and is not) going. smile


Let me not be so vain to think I'm the sole author of my victories and and a victim of my defeats. -- ze frank
Re: Dating without expectations [Re: TACticGAL] #242403
06/22/12 07:56 PM
06/22/12 07:56 PM
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AtTheEnd? Offline
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I couldn't imagine a guy would turn down an agreement such as this one if he had the slightest attraction to the woman, but I also couldn't imagine one of the two parties developing strong feelings for the other. This could turn out messy.

Re: Dating without expectations [Re: AtTheEnd?] #242409
06/22/12 08:15 PM
06/22/12 08:15 PM
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TACticGAL Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: AtTheEnd?
I couldn't imagine a guy would turn down an agreement such as this one if he had the slightest attraction to the woman, but I also couldn't imagine one of the two parties developing strong feelings for the other. This could turn out messy.

*Life* is messy. smile


Let me not be so vain to think I'm the sole author of my victories and and a victim of my defeats. -- ze frank
Re: Dating without expectations [Re: Desert Rose] #242412
06/22/12 08:23 PM
06/22/12 08:23 PM
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Originally Posted By: Desert Rose
Originally Posted By: Amazin
Originally Posted By: believer
But gay or not, Amazin, that would be my FWB guy. He's very appealing, somehow.


Oh... OK... we're talking fatasy guy. Gotcha... wink

I'd post a video of my "Dream" FWB girl... but for some reason that girl is always nekked in my dreams and it would probably be a violation of the TOS to post the video. ROFL

On another note... TAC, I got a friend in the DFW area that sounds just like your dream guy. Tall, in excellent physical shape, real good looking (And I'm not even gay) financially stable, about 45 years old, divorced with 3 grown sons and available.

Click to reveal..
Unfortunately he just got another job and he's moving close to Desert Rose. Kind of an anti-sex-climatic ending huh.... ROFL


*ears perk up*


Ha ha! I thought that might make your ears perk up...

But....my buddy isn't going to be that close. Flagstaff, AZ. He's actually driving out there now. He just posted on FB that he's in Amarillo. I told him to stop and get a free 72oz steak.

http://www.bigtexan.com/


Moral courage is the most valuable and usually the most absent characteristic in men.
Re: Dating without expectations [Re: Amazin] #242413
06/22/12 08:36 PM
06/22/12 08:36 PM
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TAC,

Very true about life being messy, but there is a difference between walking into something unknowingly and doing something that you know is already potentially harmful.

Re: Dating without expectations [Re: Amazin] #242416
06/22/12 08:55 PM
06/22/12 08:55 PM
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TACticGAL Offline OP
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I was giving this some more thought today, and in addition to expectations, I think assumptions are a huge relationship killer. The interplay between expectations and assumptions can of course be argued, they may be one in the same.

And I've been guilty of this a LOT over the years in my relationships.

With Scot, we have to discuss and agree on lots of little details which I would probably have relied on assumptions if this were a "typical" romantic relationship:

* how often to contact between "dates" - daily, weekly, or just to set up the next get-together
* what kinds of contact is appreciated between "dates" - phone calls, IM, text, FB, email
* what the exact parameters for the exclusivity or non-exclusivity are
* how often we want to see each other
* what kind of notice we need from each other for a get-together

There's a certain sense for me of needing to protect the friendship from misunderstandings that in retrospect has been lacking in romantic liaisons.

For instance: Once a guy has asked me out for a second date, I generally assume that we will be communicating in some fashion a couple of times a week. I'm not big on phone calls, but I like IM/txt and email and don't think twice about reaching out. That's apparently smothered some of my potentials. I assume once we've dated a few times (3 or more) that there's an interest and that we'll be getting together pretty much every weekend when we're not otherwise obligated. I tend to "clear the deck" so that I'm available when I expect that we'll be getting together. I tend to assume that he's available for me equally. Once we've been intimate, I generally would assume that we'd be at least sexually exclusive.

I've tried to approach dating differently this time around, especially since I don't feel a rush to get remarried or anything like that. When I started out on the dating thing I thought that perhaps the end goal would be some form of LTR, but not necessarily heading for "moving in" or marriage. I've been clear with my dates that I have no such expectations. There have been times I've wondered if I'm acting "too casual". But I've been really working to avoid being clingy or feeling attached to someone before there's actually an attachment. So far it hasn't worked, and I honestly don't know if it's me, or I've just been finding flaky guys.

Just more rambling on a sleepy Friday afternoon. grin


Let me not be so vain to think I'm the sole author of my victories and and a victim of my defeats. -- ze frank
Re: Dating without expectations [Re: AtTheEnd?] #242417
06/22/12 08:55 PM
06/22/12 08:55 PM
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DFW, TX
TACticGAL Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: AtTheEnd?
TAC,

Very true about life being messy, but there is a difference between walking into something unknowingly and doing something that you know is already potentially harmful.


I'm curious. What do you find so inherently harmful about my situation?


Let me not be so vain to think I'm the sole author of my victories and and a victim of my defeats. -- ze frank
Re: Dating without expectations [Re: TACticGAL] #242425
06/22/12 10:47 PM
06/22/12 10:47 PM
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Originally Posted By: TACticGAL


With Scot, we have to discuss and agree on lots of little details which I would probably have relied on assumptions if this were a "typical" romantic relationship:

* how often to contact between "dates" - daily, weekly, or just to set up the next get-together
* what kinds of contact is appreciated between "dates" - phone calls, IM, text, FB, email
* what the exact parameters for the exclusivity or non-exclusivity are
* how often we want to see each other
* what kind of notice we need from each other for a get-together



Good point, TAC.


"I feel sad that I focused so much on his potential and so little on mine."
Re: Dating without expectations [Re: believer] #242611
06/24/12 04:48 PM
06/24/12 04:48 PM
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West Texas
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This is a good thread that I have been following...
Catperson asked me to watch some of the Tough Love episodes, so for chits and grims I watched some...
The Tough Love series allows you to look at some of the ways men and women think and view dating in general...
Steve Ward is the host and he always gets into touchy topics like deal breakers, sex, who buys on a dinner date, and new age texting and how much texting is too much, and how much info can be learned about you from your facebook page, and many other topics...
So, let's explore some of these topics because it helps all of us to see how men and women think...
What are your dealbreakers:
Some of mine are...uses drugs, smokes, excessive alcohol, has had affairs, someone who is not height and weight prop...
I cannot deal with someone who still lives with Mom unless there is good reason...
I also do not like women that do not understand or care about the value of money...i.e. a woman that only wants to date you because you can buy her expensive things...I prefer a woman that is more practical and logical...
These are a few of mine, but lets hear what yours are...
Thanks...

Re: Dating without expectations [Re: twom7] #242693
06/25/12 04:13 AM
06/25/12 04:13 AM
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TACticGAL Offline OP
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twom7 - I thought we had the dealbreakers discussion on the other thread.

In keeping with the idea of this thread, let me stream some consciousness on the subject.

My dealbreakers for a romantic relationship are different than for friendship. I think we develop our list of dealbreakers in reaction to the pains we suffer in our personal relationships. I mean some things like drug use or financial responsibility are certainly important, but I'm wondering why the requirements for relationships are different than those for friendship.

I also like to look at things from a positive perspective than a negative. So instead of talking about "dealbreakers" I like to talk about things that need to be present - requirements if you will.

So my list of requirements for a romantic relationship up until I started thinking about this included: religious liberal, social liberal, fiscally responsible, HAS A JOB, tall, honest, caring, good communicator, certain things in common.

Whereas my requirements for friendship are: honesty and respect. Everything that's really important to me for a solid friendship boils down to those two. Be honest with me, and treat me with respect. I do the same.

when I'm really honest about it, I realize that all my relationships, both friendships and romantic, that have fallen apart, did so when the other person was not honest with me and/or did not treat me with respect, and I let it continue.


Let me not be so vain to think I'm the sole author of my victories and and a victim of my defeats. -- ze frank
Re: Dating without expectations [Re: TACticGAL] #243104
06/27/12 03:59 AM
06/27/12 03:59 AM
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Originally Posted By: TACticGAL
So my list of requirements for a romantic relationship up until I started thinking about this included: religious liberal, social liberal, fiscally responsible, HAS A JOB, tall, honest, caring, good communicator, certain things in common.

Whereas my requirements for friendship are: honesty and respect. Everything that's really important to me for a solid friendship boils down to those two. Be honest with me, and treat me with respect. I do the same.


You will rearrange all of that when you are ready and not buying a car.



"A desire presupposes the possibility of action to achieve it; action presupposes a goal which is worth achieving." - Ayn Rand
Re: Dating without expectations [Re: pookie69] #243207
06/27/12 02:57 PM
06/27/12 02:57 PM
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Originally Posted By: pookie69
You will rearrange all of that when you are ready and not buying a car.


More than likely. But comparing the two is giving me a lot of insight.

I think I have had in the past such a long checklist for a guy, that I find someone who meets some of them and really think in my head that either no one can meet all of them, or that if someone could they wouldn't want *me*, so I start compromising on them, and end up compromising on ones that are really meaningful - like honesty and respect.


Let me not be so vain to think I'm the sole author of my victories and and a victim of my defeats. -- ze frank
Re: Dating without expectations [Re: TACticGAL] #244789
07/03/12 04:46 PM
07/03/12 04:46 PM
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TACticGAL Offline OP
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Well it turns out Scot isn't as available as he'd indicated.

However another fantastic friend has expressed an interest. I'll call him Hawk. We're going to hang out this weekend while Munchkin is with her Dad.

And I think I'm just going to take down my OKC profile. I changed my "interests" to indicate I wasn't looking for a LTR, and I have been deluged with propositions from guys 1/2 my age. I don't even want to KNOW what kind of male thought processes are involved in this. wink


Let me not be so vain to think I'm the sole author of my victories and and a victim of my defeats. -- ze frank
Re: Dating without expectations [Re: TACticGAL] #245212
07/05/12 05:00 PM
07/05/12 05:00 PM
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TACticGAL Offline OP
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Here's an interesting little article that kinda relates to the subject.

http://bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/...lust-study-says

Quote:
Now a new study has found that the same regions of the brain that control love also control sex -- indicating that sexual desire can actually morph into love. That's right. If a woman has sex with a man, he might not only buy the cow but love the cow, as well.


Now, this is a good thing if one is doing the whole "no commitment" thing as a diversionary tactic.

What does it mean if you're serious about the "no commitment" thing?


Let me not be so vain to think I'm the sole author of my victories and and a victim of my defeats. -- ze frank
Re: Dating without expectations [Re: TACticGAL] #247097
07/15/12 04:34 AM
07/15/12 04:34 AM
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Another song from Nick -




"I feel sad that I focused so much on his potential and so little on mine."
Re: Dating without expectations [Re: believer] #251552
08/11/12 04:06 AM
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