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A Smiling update #207395
02/14/12 02:53 PM
02/14/12 02:53 PM
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SmilingWife Offline OP
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Hi everyone! So good to see so many familiar names. I've missed those of you who bailed from the other site.

Things in my life are great. I divorced my WH after 26 years of marriage. It was brutal. Most of all that story that I put on MB was lost in the purge of 09, but I'm actually glad that I don't have to look at it anymore.

WXH is still seeing OW, but ds12 has put his foot down and refuses to be around her. He hasn't seen her since July and only twice before that since last April. I've had him in counseling (which he HATES).

About 2 months ago his dad tried to have her over for dinner and ds said, 'no!' An argument insued and ds said, 'look dad, there are two possible scenarios. One is that you quit see OW, and I'll be happy and want to be around you. And you can find another girlfriend and I'll be ok with being around her. Scenario two is that you keep seeing OW and I will be VERY unhappy and HATE coming to see you and when I turn 18 I'll pretty much never see you again.'

Wow! I couldn't believe he came up with that and had the nerve to tell his dad. His dad was silent for about 15 minutes and finally said, 'I'll think about it.' Well, I don't think he has quit seeing her but he NEVER mentions her to ds. And in fact for a while he didn't even talk to her on the phone or text her while ds was there.

So I don't know how long THAT will go on, but ds seems firm in his resolve that he won't be around her.

Oh and remember how XH fought so hard to make me put ds in public school? (he is homeschooled). Well, even after these rough two years (divorce, moving, remarriage) ds topped out on his standardized state testing and got invited to take a special above grade level test. XH looked at the tests scores and got weepy! He said, 'thank you for teaching him. I should have never fought you on that...I should have not been listening to those people who thought homeschooling was stupid.' More than once he has said, 'thank you for teaching him.'

So who knows about WXH. We get along fairly well now. The passage of time has really helped. That along with----A new husband for me!

We met in August of 2010. Mutual friends introduced us at their home at small dinner/bbq. I took my ds (who didn't know we had gone there for me to meet a man) The kids were in the pool. Dh (to be) and I spent about 2 hours in the house talking. The next night after work he drove 2 hours to have dinner with me in my city. We just really clicked.

He has been divorced about a year longer than me and has two boys. (11 and 15). Both of us had gone through a bad rebound 'relationship' and were a little bruised but feeling like we were back on track for knowing what kind of life we wanted. My friends had known him for about 10 years. I had known his brother for about ten years (and never even heard dh's name mentioned!) As I began asking around we had many friends in common and I heard nothing but good about him.

So. We got married. smile In November. 11 weeks after we met. Oddly, only ONE of our friends expressed disapproval at how fast it went. All of our family and the rest of our BIG circle of friends felt it was great. (of course there were some on line people who thot it was RIDICULOUS wink )

You know, I always KNEW I had a bad marriage....but I had NO IDEA how GREAT a good marriage could be. Wow! We are so happy. We have all the usual stuff--kids, family, exes, money issues-- but we are so happy! We never fight, and we want to be together all of the time.

Right now we are in transition because he got new job in a city 2 hours away. He has an apt there for during the week while we get this house sold and/or a bigger place rented or bought over there. Ds and I go to the apt and spend a couple of nights a week and dh comes back here on weekends.

I will stop there. It has been a wild almost 3 years since someone first suggested I put a keylogger on my WXH's computer. Best $100 I ever spent.

Re: A Smiling update [Re: SmilingWife] #207397
02/14/12 03:02 PM
02/14/12 03:02 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
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soolee Offline
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SW - Welcome to MA. I missed you, and I'm so glad that your life is on track, dear. I remember your story well, and I love to hear how things turned out for the better for you.

Last edited by soolee; 02/14/12 03:04 PM.

Me: 53
Him: 53
Together: 34 years
Married: 27 years

"Aspire to Inspire before you Expire" Author Unknown

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Re: A Smiling update [Re: soolee] #207398
02/14/12 03:07 PM
02/14/12 03:07 PM
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SmilingWife Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: soolee
SW - Welcome to MA. I missed you, and I'm so glad that your life is on track, dear. I remember your story well, and I love to hear how things turned out for the better for you.


Thank you Soolee, I missed you too! You always gave me such kind advice.

Re: A Smiling update [Re: SmilingWife] #207401
02/14/12 03:15 PM
02/14/12 03:15 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,063
SW Chicago 'burbs
Mark1952 Offline
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Mark1952  Offline
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SW Chicago 'burbs

Hi Smiley...


mark1952.ma@gmail.com

I Was Thinking...

The secret to having a good marriage is to understand that marriage must be total, it must be permanent, and it must be equal.-- Frank Pittman
Re: A Smiling update [Re: SmilingWife] #207402
02/14/12 03:18 PM
02/14/12 03:18 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 17,282
The Castle Aaaggghh...
herfuturesbright Offline
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The Castle Aaaggghh...
What a great love story. I am SO glad you are so happy.


Re: A Smiling update [Re: herfuturesbright] #207405
02/14/12 03:28 PM
02/14/12 03:28 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
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Telly Offline
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Welcome, SW!!!

What a beautiful story. So happy for you, and so happy you are here.

(Also, am incredibly impressed with your son!!!)


Married 13 years
D10
D5
Re: A Smiling update [Re: Mark1952] #207410
02/14/12 03:56 PM
02/14/12 03:56 PM
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SmilingWife Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Mark1952

Hi Smiley...


Hi Mark! waves

Re: A Smiling update [Re: herfuturesbright] #207411
02/14/12 04:03 PM
02/14/12 04:03 PM
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SmilingWife Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: herfuturesbright
What a great love story. I am SO glad you are so happy.



Thank you! It is a good love story. I've thought a lot about how fast it went...and just last night dh was telling me how he has such 'Peace of Mind' about me. We make each other feel safe.

Re: A Smiling update [Re: Telly] #207414
02/14/12 04:05 PM
02/14/12 04:05 PM
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SmilingWife Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Telly
Welcome, SW!!!

What a beautiful story. So happy for you, and so happy you are here.

(Also, am incredibly impressed with your son!!!)


Yes, Telly ds12 is quite amazing. He has had a rough time in many ways but I believe my honesty with him about the reasons for the divorce have helped him a LOT. dh didn't do that (thinking he was protecting his sons) and we can really see the difference in how his boys have dealt with the divorce vs. my son.

Honesty is the best policy...;)

Re: A Smiling update [Re: SmilingWife] #207418
02/14/12 04:18 PM
02/14/12 04:18 PM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 332
TN
Kirby Offline
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Hi, SW! It's good to see you over here! waves


Kirby
Divorced after 25 years of marriage
Buncha' kids, 2 of them are still minors
Re: A Smiling update [Re: Kirby] #207423
02/14/12 04:27 PM
02/14/12 04:27 PM
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SmilingWife Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Kirby
Hi, SW! It's good to see you over here! waves


You too friend! Thanks for the heads up about this site. I can't believe how many from the 'other' site are here! Wow.

Re: A Smiling update [Re: SmilingWife] #207432
02/14/12 04:50 PM
02/14/12 04:50 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
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catperson Offline
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Welcome! I'm so glad to hear how things turned out. We've missed you!

Re: A Smiling update [Re: catperson] #207435
02/14/12 05:03 PM
02/14/12 05:03 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 9,007
The Farm
Jayne241 Offline
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Welcome SW! I am so glad you found your way over here. I have often wondered how you are doing. I am so glad to hear that you've found peace and happiness with someone who is loving and respectful.

And huge huge kudos to DS12!!! That is one smart, mature cookie you got there. claps

I think you'll like it over here, where we don't have a one-size-fits-all. If I recall correctly, I participated in trying to force you into a mold over at the other place regarding what to do with your son. For that I apologize. Good for you for sticking to your guns and what you knew was the right thing. There are times when a person may be too immersed in their situation to see clearly, and strangers may be able to see things they don't; but we should also remember that on an internet forum it is impossible to know all the details of a person's situation and all the nuances of their interpersonal relationships. Ultimately it is that individual's life, and decision.

Looks like you decided well. smile


42.
Re: A Smiling update [Re: Jayne241] #207454
02/14/12 07:18 PM
02/14/12 07:18 PM
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SmilingWife Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Jayne241
Welcome SW! I am so glad you found your way over here. I have often wondered how you are doing. I am so glad to hear that you've found peace and happiness with someone who is loving and respectful.

And huge huge kudos to DS12!!! That is one smart, mature cookie you got there. :claps:

I think you'll like it over here, where we don't have a one-size-fits-all. If I recall correctly, I participated in trying to force you into a mold over at the other place regarding what to do with your son. For that I apologize. Good for you for sticking to your guns and what you knew was the right thing. There are times when a person may be too immersed in their situation to see clearly, and strangers may be able to see things they don't; but we should also remember that on an internet forum it is impossible to know all the details of a person's situation and all the nuances of their interpersonal relationships. Ultimately it is that individual's life, and decision.

Looks like you decided well. smile


Hey Jayne, I went and found that thread and just read through it. Ugh. That was painful. You weren't bad though....Cat was much harder on me, but today, 2 years later, I don't see the opposing advice on that thread as radically different. I think the advice to not put too much on ds was spot on....but on the other hand, morally I want to continue to teach ds that his father's relationship with the OW will never be 'right'. It is not a subject we dwell on now, but he has really come around to knowing his own mind about it. He lets me know if he doesn't like something I say about his dad...just Sunday night he told me that I was trying to make his dad look bad...and that he doesn't like it when I do that. He keeps me on my toes.

If I could hit re-wind the things I would do differently would be to

1)REMAIN CALM with ds. I totally lost it several times between that thread (Jan 10 and the summer of 2010). I was a mess.

2)Not date that man I dated for those several months.

By summer, early August, I was feeling better but still full of some residual rage at XH. I remember driving to the city to take care of signing some final papers on an insurance issue with the house we had owned together. Ds was sitting in the front seat with me. I began to pray so hard for God to take away the anger and help me not murder someone (mainly XH or OW). I prayed for Him to help me be a good mother, to regain my spirituality, to help me be a good friend to others and stop focusing on my own pain. I prayed hard for about 15 minutes straight. All through the prayer there was no mention of me finding a mate--it actually didn't even occur to me--until the very end, almost as an afterthought I said, 'oh and if it takes me finding a husband to help me get over this, then please, send him to me.'

I said, 'Amen.' And an amazing peace washed over me. I went in the bank, signed the papers and went home. I walked in the door and had an email from my friend....she said, '(her)Dh talked to our friend, and he wants to meet you.'

I looked up toward heaven and said, 'wow. That was fast.'

smile

So, no worries Jayne. I mostly always took the opposing advice and sifted through it, using what I could. Those days....as intense as they were...aren't like lately where it has become cult like!

Last edited by SmilingWife; 03/25/18 07:26 PM. Reason: Edited to add.....I hope it is clear that was a silent prayer!
Re: A Smiling update [Re: SmilingWife] #207473
02/14/12 08:00 PM
02/14/12 08:00 PM
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holdingontoit Offline
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Hi. Welcome. Always glad to hear stories with a happy ending.

Happy Valentine's Day!


Solutions? There are none. There are decisions.
Re: A Smiling update [Re: holdingontoit] #207479
02/14/12 08:13 PM
02/14/12 08:13 PM
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SmilingWife Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: holdingontoit
Hi. Welcome. Always glad to hear stories with a happy ending.

Happy Valentine's Day!


Hi Hold, good to see you....sorry to see you still basking in your Eeyorishness. LOL...did I spell that right?

Re: A Smiling update [Re: SmilingWife] #207663
02/15/12 03:58 AM
02/15/12 03:58 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
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NewEveryDay Offline
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SW, thanks for sharing your story here, we have a Success Stories section I encourage you to post on, too. I remember reading as it unfolded on the other board, your new life, how awesome!


"I have everything I need." and "I am exactly where I am supposed to be." ~Louise Hays
Re: A Smiling update [Re: NewEveryDay] #207670
02/15/12 04:27 AM
02/15/12 04:27 AM
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SmilingWife Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: NewEveryDay
SW, thanks for sharing your story here, we have a Success Stories section I encourage you to post on, too. I remember reading as it unfolded on the other board, your new life, how awesome!


Ok, thanks I will.

It has turned out well.

Re: A Smiling update [Re: catperson] #208105
02/16/12 06:22 PM
02/16/12 06:22 PM
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SmilingWife Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: catperson
Welcome! I'm so glad to hear how things turned out. We've missed you!


Cat I missed you too! I went looking for your posts on MB a while back trying to figure out what happened to you. Who knew!!!


Re: A Smiling update [Re: SmilingWife] #208108
02/16/12 06:24 PM
02/16/12 06:24 PM
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SmilingWife Offline OP
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I am missing husband. I certainly see the wisdom of NOT spending nights apart.

Gotta get this house ready to put on the market so he and I can live together again every night!


Re: A Smiling update [Re: SmilingWife] #208148
02/16/12 07:18 PM
02/16/12 07:18 PM
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catperson Offline
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Originally Posted By: SmilingWife
Originally Posted By: catperson
Welcome! I'm so glad to hear how things turned out. We've missed you!


Cat I missed you too! I went looking for your posts on MB a while back trying to figure out what happened to you. Who knew!!!

Yeah, the crazy thing about their banning process is there's no way to ever get in contact with anyone there again. You just disappear. It's actually become something of an issue here about how to get a 'clue' over to some of the people there before the Mods delete all references to this place. It's like the Iron Curtain.

Re: A Smiling update [Re: catperson] #208168
02/16/12 07:54 PM
02/16/12 07:54 PM
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SmilingWife Offline OP
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I noticed that Cat. Also, I am on a homeschool board that sometimes bans....but it will SAY banned under the member's name. And you can easily go to the last post of the banned person and get a really good idea of what went wrong...it is almost ALWAYS something really over the top.

What did you do over there to get banned?

Re: A Smiling update [Re: SmilingWife] #208171
02/16/12 07:57 PM
02/16/12 07:57 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,431
Ness
Lil Offline

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Ness
TJ

Another homeschooler! That makes 3 of us grin

waves

/TJ


AKA Lildoggie

Just found out about your spouses affair?
Infidelity Guide For The Betrayed Spouse


Re: A Smiling update [Re: Lil] #208174
02/16/12 08:02 PM
02/16/12 08:02 PM
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SmilingWife Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: lildoggie
TJ

Another homeschooler! That makes 3 of us grin

waves

/TJ


waves It has been a wild ride homeschooling through all this divorce and remarriage stuf.

Re: A Smiling update [Re: SmilingWife] #208176
02/16/12 08:05 PM
02/16/12 08:05 PM
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Telly Offline
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I think LG homeschool (ed) too, didn't she?

That would make 4. grin


Married 13 years
D10
D5
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