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Re: Living in Limbo [Re: Coach] #104351
05/10/11 11:27 PM
05/10/11 11:27 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,913
pookie69 Offline
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Originally Posted By: Coach
Originally Posted By: D4MIL
what's wrong with barry manilow?


some people you just can't help

dancing smirk



Better than Linda Ronstadt or Liza Minnelli.

Or maybe not. crazy



"A desire presupposes the possibility of action to achieve it; action presupposes a goal which is worth achieving." - Ayn Rand
Re: Living in Limbo [Re: pookie69] #104357
05/10/11 11:43 PM
05/10/11 11:43 PM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 4,593
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Danf Offline
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Danf  Offline
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Originally Posted By: pookie69
Originally Posted By: Coach
Originally Posted By: D4MIL
what's wrong with barry manilow?


some people you just can't help

dancing smirk



Better than Linda Ronstadt or Liza Minnelli.

Or maybe not. crazy



Ooh Mandy!


Me45 - S13, D11
Disconnected 7/1/12

I'm a brand new sky to hang the stars upon tonight......
Re: Living in Limbo [Re: mulesqb] #104383
05/11/11 12:21 AM
05/11/11 12:21 AM
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flowmom Offline
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Originally Posted By: mulesqb
Unbelievable that she asks why you are looking...next time tell her you were looking for a place that her and OM could afford so she could get the heck out. JK
ROFL

So what have we learned here...musical abuse therapy works better than support, advice, and 2x4s? Shuddering.
IDU, it's awesome to see you gaining momentum!


we: me44 + my husband Pookie :9: + S9 + D6
Re: Living in Limbo [Re: flowmom] #104468
05/11/11 01:46 PM
05/11/11 01:46 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,104
I
idontunderstand Offline OP
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idontunderstand  Offline OP
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I
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,104
Musical abuse is right. crazy

Last night, her sister tried an intervention. It seems her mom wasn't too happy about the phone record I gave her. She had been caught in several other lies, too.

Don't really know too much about what happened. W is really pi$$ed. Go figure. Still never admitted anything. I knew she wouldn't. At least her family put some pressure on her, finally. Too little, too late probably.

Doesn't change what I need to continue doing. I won't mention anything to her and give it some time to sink in. We'll see.

And please, no Barry Manilow!


M 15 yrs
D 9-13



Re: Living in Limbo [Re: pookie69] #104475
05/11/11 02:05 PM
05/11/11 02:05 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 989
Soleil Offline
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Soleil  Offline
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Originally Posted By: pookie69
[quote=Coach][quote=D4MIL]what's wrong with barry manilow?



Her name was Lola...she was a showgirl. I freakin love that song!

Re: Living in Limbo [Re: Soleil] #104479
05/11/11 02:15 PM
05/11/11 02:15 PM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,959
D
D4MIL Offline
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D4MIL  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,959
Quote:
Her name was Lola...she was a showgirl. I freakin love that song!

at the copa .. copacabana! love that song too.

ok .. no barry manilow .. oooh .. how about neil sedaka? engelbert humperdink?

sorry, about the musical t/j. we shall resume .. with the sitch.

Re: Living in Limbo [Re: D4MIL] #104492
05/11/11 02:28 PM
05/11/11 02:28 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,446
Brotherly Love
gr8 day 2b alive Offline
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gr8 day 2b alive  Offline
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Posts: 1,446
Brotherly Love
Quote:
Better than Linda Ronstadt

no love for Blue Bayou?

Did i say that out loud? zoinks blushing

OMG,
let's hear some ABBA


Find a passion and pursue it.Fall in love.Dream Big.drink wine, eat good food and spend quality time with good friends.laugh everyday.tell stories. learn more. never give up. be grateful try new things be. happy. and above all, make every moment count.
Re: Living in Limbo [Re: gr8 day 2b alive] #104501
05/11/11 02:40 PM
05/11/11 02:40 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 356
B
bustorama Offline
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bustorama  Offline
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B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 356
Keep raising the bar!

dancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancing


Last edited by bustorama; 05/11/11 02:44 PM.

Me-40
W-36
D9, D5, D3
T-Since 12/2001
Married-9/2004
She Moved Out-5/28/2010
Re: Living in Limbo [Re: gr8 day 2b alive] #104502
05/11/11 02:41 PM
05/11/11 02:41 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 930
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Don Man Don Offline
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Don Man Don  Offline
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D
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someone post alittle Tom T Hall.
Ode To A Half A Pound Of Ground Round.



Re: Living in Limbo [Re: Don Man Don] #104627
05/11/11 06:13 PM
05/11/11 06:13 PM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,220
Coach Offline
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Coach  Offline
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for Steve





You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end which you can never afford to lose with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Re: Living in Limbo [Re: idontunderstand] #104668
05/11/11 07:15 PM
05/11/11 07:15 PM
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rob x Offline
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Originally Posted By: idontunderstand
Musical abuse is right. crazy

Last night, her sister tried an intervention. It seems her mom wasn't too happy about the phone record I gave her. She had been caught in several other lies, too.

Don't really know too much about what happened. W is really pi$$ed. Go figure. Still never admitted anything. I knew she wouldn't. At least her family put some pressure on her, finally. Too little, too late probably.

Doesn't change what I need to continue doing. I won't mention anything to her and give it some time to sink in. We'll see.

And please, no Barry Manilow!


A lot of people who are caught will continue to deny what they have done or what they are involved with, haven't you ever seen a scene in a funny movie or show where someone is caught with their pants down right in the middle of the act and they yell out "it wasn't me!!!"

It's definitely funny but it's funny because it's based somewhat in truth. We don't want to admit to lying, cheating, having an affair, etc.

Who would?

Your wife will continue to lie, deny and keep her secrets, look at your reaction thus far to her just being "friends" the POSS. If she actually admitted what you know to be the truth, what would your reaction be to finding out the truth from her own lips? Probably even worse than how you've reacted thus far. What do you teach your children? Always tell the truth, don't lie, don't be deceptive, honesty is the best policy, etc. etc. etc. We're trained since we've been young to be honest and that being dishonest is bad. If we're dishonest, we're bad and we will be condemned forever for our bad behaviors and lying. If we're dishonest when hurting someone we love, ie. I didn't have an affair, we're just friends, I haven't done anything with this person, I don't know how my underwear ended up in his truck, those condoms aren't mine, I'm not interested in sex, I have low sex drive, etc.etc.etc.

How badly would we condemn someone who says to us:
"I've had an affair...",
"It's not that I have low sex drive, I have very high sex drive, I'm just not attracted to you in that way anymore which is why we don't have sex anymore."

etc. etc. etc.

Food for thought wink

Re: Living in Limbo [Re: idontunderstand] #104697
05/11/11 08:03 PM
05/11/11 08:03 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 20,500
catperson Offline
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catperson  Offline
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Originally Posted By: idontunderstand
Last night, her sister tried an intervention. It seems her mom wasn't too happy about the phone record I gave her. She had been caught in several other lies, too.

Don't really know too much about what happened. W is really pi$$ed. Go figure. Still never admitted anything. I knew she wouldn't. At least her family put some pressure on her, finally. Too little, too late probably.
Great testament for early exposure, huh?

Re: Living in Limbo [Re: catperson] #104751
05/11/11 10:18 PM
05/11/11 10:18 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,309
Colorado
LovingAnyway Offline
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Posts: 2,309
Colorado
Bringing reality, IDU. Way to go. She has admitted, IDU. She said that she stopped the affair the first of the year.

She just didn't say the word affair.

Never say never...fog does lift, eventually. Least her family loves her enough to bring reality, too.

No instantaneous changes...food for later thought...when her brain begins working again.

Stop looking at the too little, too late, etc. Just keep your eyes on reality and bringing it. Great practice for keeping yourself honest, practicing your new choice to not avoid possible conflict...let W have her anger. Don't counsel her, respond or stick around to listen.

Let her be with her anger, 'k?

Kudos to your WW's family. Without you, they wouldn't have the reality...thank you to you, too.

LA


The Paradoxical Commandments

Married 28 years/Together 30
Recovered 10 years
MALovingAnyway@gmail.com
Re: Living in Limbo [Re: bustorama] #104846
05/12/11 07:46 AM
05/12/11 07:46 AM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,821
flowmom Offline
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flowmom  Offline
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Posts: 6,821
Originally Posted By: bustorama
Keep raising the bar!

dancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancingdancing

laugh1
Busto, you get the musical-abuse-WITH-thread-tie-in prize thumbsup


we: me44 + my husband Pookie :9: + S9 + D6
Re: Living in Limbo [Re: LovingAnyway] #104915
05/12/11 03:05 PM
05/12/11 03:05 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,104
I
idontunderstand Offline OP
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idontunderstand  Offline OP
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,104
Quote:
How badly would we condemn someone who says to us:
"I've had an affair...",
"It's not that I have low sex drive, I have very high sex drive, I'm just not attracted to you in that way anymore which is why we don't have sex anymore."

etc. etc. etc.

Food for thought


She won't admit anything, even with what proof I have. It seems she won't admit it to herself.


Quote:
Stop looking at the too little, too late, etc. Just keep your eyes on reality and bringing it. Great practice for keeping yourself honest, practicing your new choice to not avoid possible conflict...let W have her anger. Don't counsel her, respond or stick around to listen.


Thanks, LA.

She wanted to talk last night. I said, "Okay, how much child support do you want? Your sister said that was the only thing left to discuss." She said, "Is that what you think I'm worried about, money?" She spewed on for a while and I said there was nothing left to talk about. Let me know how much, I'll run it by my L and we'll go from there.

Then she started in on custody. She wouldn't dream of taking the kids from me. Joint custody, she wanted custodial parent, she wanted them during school because it would be easier for them not to go back and forth between two houses during the school week and I could have them "two or three days a week." I stood up and told her that wasn't acceptable, period. I went to bed.

She wants to keep them in the same school, she wants the house, but swears she won't ask for anything "close" to 40% for child support.

Somehow, I don't believe her.



M 15 yrs
D 9-13



Re: Living in Limbo [Re: idontunderstand] #104917
05/12/11 03:15 PM
05/12/11 03:15 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 20,500
catperson Offline
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catperson  Offline
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Me neither.

Re: Living in Limbo [Re: idontunderstand] #104918
05/12/11 03:18 PM
05/12/11 03:18 PM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,220
Coach Offline
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Coach  Offline
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Quote:
She wanted to talk last night. I said, "Okay, how much child support do you want? Your sister said that was the only thing left to discuss." She said, "Is that what you think I'm worried about, money?" She spewed on for a while and I said there was nothing left to talk about. Let me know how much, I'll run it by my L and we'll go from there.

Then she started in on custody. She wouldn't dream of taking the kids from me. Joint custody, she wanted custodial parent, she wanted them during school because it would be easier for them not to go back and forth between two houses during the school week and I could have them "two or three days a week." I stood up and told her that wasn't acceptable, period. I went to bed.

She wants to keep them in the same school, she wants the house, but swears she won't ask for anything "close" to 40% for child support.

Somehow, I don't believe her.


Stop asking her what she wants. LEAD! Decide, take action and call the meeting to order. She can't believe she can treat you like she does and you defer to her! Tell her what is acceptable. Stop the nice guy routine it's nauseating.

Decide what you want and go for it.


You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end which you can never afford to lose with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Re: Living in Limbo [Re: Coach] #104921
05/12/11 03:24 PM
05/12/11 03:24 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,446
Brotherly Love
gr8 day 2b alive Offline
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gr8 day 2b alive  Offline
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Brotherly Love
IDU,

Coach is right. Determine what's best for you and the kids and act from that. IF your W gets angery that's her issue.

I remember my stbx saying the same thing about the kids and school,
STBX: I'll take the kids M-F and you can have them on the weekends.
(Oh really? gee thanks)
I told her that not acceptable. That I wanted no less than 50%.
I have them 4 nights and she has them three.

As for child support $, don't offer or ask her what she wants.

Do you want to give her money?
of course not, then don't offer.


Find a passion and pursue it.Fall in love.Dream Big.drink wine, eat good food and spend quality time with good friends.laugh everyday.tell stories. learn more. never give up. be grateful try new things be. happy. and above all, make every moment count.
Re: Living in Limbo [Re: gr8 day 2b alive] #104924
05/12/11 03:31 PM
05/12/11 03:31 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,104
I
idontunderstand Offline OP
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idontunderstand  Offline OP
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I
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Quote:
Stop asking her what she wants. LEAD! Decide, take action and call the meeting to order. She can't believe she can treat you like she does and you defer to her! Tell her what is acceptable. Stop the nice guy routine it's nauseating.

Decide what you want and go for it.


Coach and Gr8 -

Yep, f'ed up again. I didn't see it that way at the time. I figured it was kind of like negotiating. When you spell it out for me, it's plain to see. I did tell her what was unacceptable but I missed a good opportunity to tell her it doesn't matter anymore what she wants. Won't happen again.

Thanks.


M 15 yrs
D 9-13



Re: Living in Limbo [Re: idontunderstand] #104949
05/12/11 04:11 PM
05/12/11 04:11 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 930
D
Don Man Don Offline
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Don Man Don  Offline
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Posts: 930
Walked right into that one, IDU. She knows exactly how to push your buttons.
If an "Ode To A Half A Pound Of Ground Round" didn't slap you off the Joey Boat to Plookaville maybe this will:

"I've been walkin' these streets so long
Singin' the same old song
I know every crack in these dirty sidewalks of Broadway
Where hustle's the name of the game
And nice guys get washed away like the snow and the rain
There's been a load of compromisin'
On the road to my horizon
But I'm gonna be where the lights are shinin' on me"


Re: Living in Limbo [Re: Don Man Don] #104953
05/12/11 04:15 PM
05/12/11 04:15 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,104
I
idontunderstand Offline OP
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idontunderstand  Offline OP
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I
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,104
Like a rhinestone cowboy...


Quote:
Walked right into that one, IDU. She knows exactly how to push your buttons.


I know. It's not that I'm not trying. I'm not scared of her. When to say what and what to say when and how to say it and why...get out of my own way.


M 15 yrs
D 9-13



Re: Living in Limbo [Re: idontunderstand] #104956
05/12/11 04:15 PM
05/12/11 04:15 PM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 4,593
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Danf Offline
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Danf  Offline
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Originally Posted By: idontunderstand

She wants to keep them in the same school, she wants the house, but swears she won't ask for anything "close" to 40% for child support.

Somehow, I don't believe her.



Yeah, my X "Didn't care about the money" and "wasn't going to ask for maintenance after the house was sold."

Now she is "just doing what her attorney tells her" and is asking for a ridiculous amount of maintenance that I don't think the judge will EVER award.

She also wanted the kids full-time because it would be better for them. DONT YOU BELIEVE THAT FOR A SECOND. My kids have adjusted well to living in 2 homes. They've started riding the bus to and from school and it really isn't that big of a deal, except for dragging a few personal items back and forth. I have my kids 1 night every other week less than 50% and I only agreed to that to get it done. I'm guessing that the judge would have awarded 50% if I would have fought it. Don't settle for anything less than what YOU want IDU. The courts are generally working off of 50% placement as a starting point these days.

I've made all the same mistakes you are making IDU, just not for as long of a period. Now I am making new mistakes. So be it. All you can do is live your life to the best of your ability and keep learning along the way.

If you're going to make an omlette, you have to break a few eggs.

Hang tough IDU!



Me45 - S13, D11
Disconnected 7/1/12

I'm a brand new sky to hang the stars upon tonight......
Re: Living in Limbo [Re: Danf] #104968
05/12/11 04:23 PM
05/12/11 04:23 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 930
D
Don Man Don Offline
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Don Man Don  Offline
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D
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 930
is the house in both your names?

Re: Living in Limbo [Re: Danf] #104978
05/12/11 04:32 PM
05/12/11 04:32 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,446
Brotherly Love
gr8 day 2b alive Offline
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gr8 day 2b alive  Offline
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Brotherly Love
Quote:
She also wanted the kids full-time because it would be better for them. DONT YOU BELIEVE THAT FOR A SECOND


True true true.
Ever time my kids come back home they both say we missed you daddy.
My d6 even started creating posters and leaving them around the house, on the steps, on the dinner table and even tapes them to the front door, all they say is "I Miss You Daddy". Now I need a tissue.

What can can a dad say?......I miss you too.

IDU,
I know, you know what's better for your kids than your W does.

Stay on course.



Find a passion and pursue it.Fall in love.Dream Big.drink wine, eat good food and spend quality time with good friends.laugh everyday.tell stories. learn more. never give up. be grateful try new things be. happy. and above all, make every moment count.
Re: Living in Limbo [Re: Don Man Don] #104991
05/12/11 04:50 PM
05/12/11 04:50 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,104
I
idontunderstand Offline OP
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idontunderstand  Offline OP
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I
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,104
Originally Posted By: Don Man Don
is the house in both your names?


It is.


M 15 yrs
D 9-13



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