He comes over to me...he's very angry and upset. Says "I just saw this. My name and...nothing. Is this what you think of me? This goes back to our children's school, in this small town where we live. So everyone knows our business (this is a big thing with him..he's convinced everyone knows his dirty laundry and hates him).
Have you ever read that Between Parent and Child, by Hiam Ginott? It talks about helping our kids get past their hurts, by acknowledging their feelings. Do you notice how folks don't hardly ever get defensive with LA, even when she touches on stuff that they would snap at other folks if they mentioned?
Like you said, you know what he was trying to tell you, he's just projecting his feelings onto you and the other scapegoats (the townsfolk). That he feels like nothing, and feels embarrassed that he thinks everyone is thinking this. You've been living with this long enough, you know how to detach from this, "I know, it feels awful when folks just judge you on the parts that they see. Let's think of a name for your contracting company. How about House and Sons? And we'll put in the numbers." Just write in the same one again if you want. How important is it? I mean, OH, if this is what you're choosing to live with today, you know how to defuse it. Or like you did, putting the conversation on the back burner for a bit.
And then get some time doing something that's fun for you. Invite your H to join. You know he wants to be your hero, OH.
I remember I had some spells where I was just overwhelmed, didn't see a path out, and was just cranky every day. I would pick fights because I wanted a connection, but felt like I was going to be turned down, didn't see a clear path. You know how to clear the path today. What are some safe topics of conversation you could get going, so he does have that connection. Fun stuff you two like to do together.I would imagine it's rough right now, because the only way he is used to connecting with you is with the SF, and that's gone for now.