I've got to be honest, I would love to see you separate, before you totally lose everything you have for your H. I think it would show your kids that marriages aren't just to be tossed away, that sometimes we need to stand up and take action to protect what we have. You remember last time, sleeping on the couch or something, your H did respond to your boundary-setting and start working with you for a time. From way out here, I think this process would be safer emotionally for you *and your minor kids* outside the house. What do you think? Once you two are working a plan, you two could meet for date night and family time, like that newsletter When to Call It Quits, until you have seen the consistency that it takes to move back in.
LA shares how she google "Pro-marriage Christian counselor," and found the person who walked her and her H through the process. What do you think about something like this?
I know I'm all over the board, suggesting letting the marriage die into a sibling-like relationship in one post, and hard charging about saving the marriage the next. I thought about what a marriage advocate is, and I think it is giving it your all. What do you think?