OH, you have lots of options, even if none of them are really appealing. But that's the awareness, acceptance, action. You're at the first part, being aware of the situation, even when it's painful to come out of denial. Are you at a point of acceptance yet, where you accept the limits of what you are able to do? That's when the action gets more clear.
We've talked about some ways to learn to thrive despite your surroundings, but at the time, you weren't interested in that. There are other options, too, as you said, separating with or without POJA. How are you feeling now? Do you want to pick a path, try it for two weeks, and reassess?
Do you have that book, The Dilemma of an Alcoholic Marriage? I think you will find it really validating to read through it, and you'll get a lot of ideas how to deflect the battles, and reconnect a great deal, to like a brother-sister relationship. Where he would pick other folks outside the family as scapegoats, instead of you, because you'd be on the list of folks that "come through" for him again, like in the early days. Would you be interested in something like that?