Originally Posted by NewEveryDay
My sister is the only one out of 6 of us who flat out tells my stepdad that we all want him to treat our Mom better and that we all hate him for how he treats her. And that the rest of us say nothing ONLY because we're know when we make him mad he'll take out his anger on her again.

I absolutely hate how my SIL treats my brother. She shows zero respect for him. And I've told him that. He acknowledges it.

But I've come to realize he's not a victim. HE CHOSE HER. He is the only one who can change his situation. The "his-side-of-the-street" that needs cleaning up is he needs to investigate why he continues to tolerate such abuse where more healthy people would not. Your mom isn't a victim, she's integral to the problem.

Originally Posted by NewEveryDay
Have you ever had any interest or willingness in practicing the principles folks talk about here, like boundaries and validation?

Those tools are only useful for people healthy enough to implement them. Otherwise it's like scraping the barnacles off a sinking boat. In my brother's hands those tools would be useless. And besides, if he ever did try it, my SIL is way too dysfunctional to just go along with it. It would lead inevitably to divorce because one healthy spouse does not stay with an unhealthy spouse. And LG and her husband have shown they agree (although for separate reasons) that they value not being divorced above all else.