LW I have no idea what personal recovery means but I really appreciate your and everyone else’s thoughts.
I think the issue fairly stated is whether I, having endured cancer twice, at age 59, am willing to stay in a marriage with a husband who abuses me and has promised to continue for the sake of my family?
And I don’t know the answer.
There has always been a part of you that reminds me of myself. I endured many years of abusive treatment from my first husband. Our son wasn’t born until we had been married for 16 1/2 years.....so obviously I didn’t stay for the child. But then when he was born I did stay for him. It was all very confusing. Honestly I am still confused by it. But I think it came down to I did not want to fail at marriage. I did not want to admit I made a bad choice.
Eventually, I discovered a line in the sand. It was the affair he had with his 24 year old workmate. Then weeks later to put a final nail in the coffin I discovered he had also had an affair with my 19 year old cousin. I knew I had to get free of him...because if I stayed he would see it as open season on me.
I remember one time.....years ago....before our son was born....I asked him, ‘how long do you think I will keep taking this?’. I don’t remember specifically what ‘this’ was....but he was horrible to me a lot of the time. He gritted his teeth and said angrily, ‘I don’t know! You tell me!’.
He was not all bad. Few people are. But he refused to root out and correct his abusive tendency. Do you know what it took for him to do that? Me divorcing him. Almost three years to the day after I kicked him out of the house (by legal decree of course because he would have never left voluntarily) he contacted me and I saw a man who had realized what he had done and what he had lost.
And I just think there are some people like that. That really will not change until it is too late.