Originally Posted by Fergie
Interesting. I don't presume to give different weights to peoples trauma. Their pain is personal. Pain is pain.


Orchid: Well we may need to disagree Fergie. The word pain maybe used to describe suffering but there are definitely various degrees of pain. Pain is not always personal. For example, when pain of an A is inflicted on the BS, often the family (children, etc.) is affected. Even pets. Plus others like relatives, neighbors, work-mates, school, friends, acquaintances, etc.

Originally Posted by Fergie
I don't see the difference between the pain of sexual abuse, infidelity, or even the death of a child.


Orchid: I believe that's an opinion statement. Ask a parent who has lost a child to compare it to a BS, they may have different opinions. Ask a parent who has lost a child and was a BS (some of us know of a BS who was both), you may get another response.

Originally Posted by Fergie
I also remember many discussions on this board chiding a betrayed spouse for not getting over the pain of infidelity sooner. I guess I'm interested in finding out what pain is acceptable to dwell on and what pain is not.


Orchid: Good question. Getting over it is usually not fast nor permanent. I do have my opinion as to what pain may be experienced and know there is pain on both sides (Ws / BS). What I disagree with is when I hear a WS demand the BS 'just get over it'. I find that demand offensive. I also find it offensive when I was told by my then WS, 'well I'm here.' As if his physical presence fixed all.

Would be interested in hearing other posts.

Originally Posted by Fergie
So adulterers can be viewed in the same vein as sexual assault perpetrators? I can agree with that.


Orchid: In some states adultery is a crime. In all states, proven sexual assault is . crime. So they are not in the same vein, legally. So maybe we disagree with at this point.

Either way, adultery is harmful to the marriage and family. Sexual assault is harmful to the victim both inside and outside of a marriage and family arrangement. Sexual assault is a broader and more encompassing charge and covers both adults and children.

Added: LG, going to move my post to another thread in TD. This subject matter is diverting away from your thread.

Orchid



Last edited by Orchid2; 09/28/18 02:03 AM. Reason: Added comments to copy and move this post to a new thread

Orchid