I was watching "Touched By An Angel" decades ago, when I first heard about "Pascal's Wager". Someone made a Youtube clip of that part of the episode.
This may figure into how you live, because you have worked so hard to live a good life, in spite of terrible adversity, and this latest adversity has brought back all the pain and struggle you've had to live and be a good person in spite of everything.
You are loved, admired, and appreciated.
Consider that we don't have to live with the consequences of our advice in your life. Act according to what you can live with!