It hurts because you loved him. Because he was real. He was a precious and valued individual. Because you didn't want him to leave and because he didn't know of his real value in this life. And that part is heart=breaking. He left a huge hole in your heart. You would have done anything to keep him safe and feeling loved.

The pain of losing a loved one lessens slightly over time. Not much, but a wee bit. I can't tell you he's in a better place. But I don't think John would want you to feel hurt and pain.

In regards to your family, you do what YOU want to do and what YOU feel you must do. Your H does not need you to take care of him. He can behave like an adult and take care of himself. And if you feel you need to be with your family, you should go. My mom and dad always supported the other when it came to extended family. Always. My dad cheerfully did all the house duties and his full-time job while my Mom drove 6 hours one way to spend time taking care of her parents. Both of my parents said it was worth every minute that they could spend with them. If your family is like that, spend every minute you can. And don't look back. Because this is also about you, and what you need. Hugs, sweetie.