I have a message for your H and leave it up to you to deliver or not.
This is Orchid who is a BS and who has lived with a spouse that was a WS and continues to maintain the attitude of one, in a smaller way but one none-the-less. I take this time to write to you in an effort to help you understand what a treasure you have with your family.
To overcome major issues on a personal and family level is difficult. To do that multiple times going on for years and with different folks is even more difficult. As a couple, it makes it easier when one spouse is there to help and support another spouse.
Even as a Xws but still a WS at heart (in some respects), my Xws was there for me when my mom died and a few other serious occasions (when I had to help out with several uncles and aunties died over the past few years). I am grateful for that. It was difficult for me but it seemed easier than my other relatives.
It seems LG is the go to person for her family and others. She does have good qualities and skills in that regard, wouldn't you agree? That said, I want to tell you that right now, our family is minus a husband and father. We are a broken family.
See, if my Xws was 1/2 the person that LG is our marriage may have been saved. Sadly that isn't so. We are learning to deal with it and it doesn't relieve us of the responsibility of caring for family members that allow us to help care for them.
Due to my father's affair, I wasn't able to be there enough for my mom and it is a very sore spot in my life that I carry inside of me even now.
I'm writing to you so you can see the same side of events that you may have endured all those years long ago. Yet, you have a better spouse and future now than some of us.
I'm not jealous but I would like to encourage you to see the good you have in your life and not to ignore them. Don't make regret now.
I wish my spouse had the kind of care and energy towards his family that LG has shown for your family.
Now LG needs you to help her support her family through this very very difficult time. The gentle touch and supportive words mean a lot during this time. Don't be afraid to show your feelings. You may be pleasantly surprised how a little care can go a long ways.
LG knows me and if you want to find my story, it is all over this board or I can share it with you via a PM to LG.
I know I can't make you do anything that I want. It has to come from your heart.
If you can please send our hugs and thoughts for LG and her family to LG, it would be greatly appreciated.
Sending prayers of care and support from the middle of the Big Blue.