Thanks to you who responded.

It had been an absolutely crappy month. My boy John is still dead every day I wake up. I tried so hard to get him to move to Colorado with us, but did I try hard enough?

He saw demons (likely looking like Mel) in the back seat of his truck that told him to go to the worst part of Houston. He called his dad (my brother) and his brother to come fetch him because he couldn't work out where he was.

He was so very, very ill and I don't understand how we all missed it. I've been suicidal and I understand the thinking clearly and I missed it.

How did I miss it? I GET it.

I thought Sam and I had a deal -- he would call me and I would call him. We had agreed that we suffered from the most extreme depression that plagues my family -- we spent hours talking about it.

Why didn't he call me before he blew his beautiful head off?

Why didn't he call SOMEONE before he blew his beautiful head off? There was no shortage of people to call -- this family is nothing if not THERE. We had 26 family members at the memorial service and I knew we were in trouble when John Collier, the Methodist minister who led the service, couldn't get through the family prayer before the service in the parlor without crying.

The cavalier response to suicidal thought at MarriageBuilders is grotesque and inhuman and demonstrates their absolute commitment to hewing to the party line in the face of acute human pain. Capital E--Evil.

THIS IS MY BLOG -- I get to say whatever I want.

Bidden or not bidden God is present.