What would be the labels? I feel your actions AND those of your husband are dysfunctional. Is there a label in that honest assessment?
A blog might be a better idea. It appears as though you are only looking to post gripes about your husband. THAT I can understand. I was under the impression that this site is here to offer help towards recovery...marital or personal.
If you would prefer that I just parrot your concerns back to you...and say, yes, I understand, he is a cad...please make that clear. From this vantage point, you both have a lot of work to do before you have earned the right to break up the home of your children. If you no longer want my advice or observations, please say so. I am taking time out of my day in order to help you see things that you may not want to...or are unable to see.
Don't go shaking the [Bleep!] tree and expect an angel to fall out.
Liars lie and cheaters cheat...know it and don't be surprised. Protect yourself.