I know 2012 is really out there. On one hand, I've lived with it this long. On the other hand, is it really fair not only to me, but to the kids and even him? I'm certainly not playing the wife part these days. I basically am mom to 2 kids (one is in college, 2 are still home)and a presence that exists where he is concerned. I am not mean or rude. I don't ignore him. I don't insult him. I just choose to have minimal engagement and interaction with him. Yes, I totally agree, it is NOT healthy.
He keeps asking me why I stopped talking to him. I can't make him see the answer but geez, louise, I am scratching my head wondering which part of "why" he missed? I have tried to tell him and he interrupts me and changes the subject to how awful life is for him, or he says that once again, I am not listening to him. Once he even said "you're not listening. If your gums are flapping that means you're not listening". If I tell him (as I did this afternoon) that I don't talk much anymore because a: I have my own issues to work on and don't want his input and b: he has made it clear I am a poor listener every time I start to talk, he tells me that I am destroying the marriage, that I can't possibly think this is going to help matters any. His words today: "you think I don't know what you're doing? You think you're pulling the wool over my eyes? You think this is helping matters any?" Once again, all about him.
The sad part is that the "all about him" part doesn't even bother me anymore. I have just come to expect it.
So talking about anything near and dear to my heart is out. He doesn't understand why...I certainly can't make him understand. I have tried writing things down and delivering by note, by email, etc. He gets angry and wants me to talk to him face to face. "Having things in writing just makes it that much easier for you to throw it back in my face someday".
So, lather, rinse repeat.
The whole job sitch has me stewing in resentment and that's not healthy.
So yes, 2012 is the target date, but that doesn't mean I can't work towards something earlier. I just wish I could wave a magic wand and have it done and have no one hurt in the process.
That and $4.50 will buy me a fancy latte at Starbucks.
p.s. Hi Catperson. I have missed you, too!
Last edited by OurHouse; 08/31/10 06:25 PM. Reason: that your/you're thing again