I am not sure this post belongs in this forum. But I don't know where else to put it. The purpose of it is to solicit advice on how to break apart a marriage without blowing the individuals in the family (spouses and kids), out of the water.

For the purposes of this thread, please assume that the writer has already made the decision to end the marriage as it currently exists today. Whether that will take the form of short or longer-term separation, or eventual divorce...I don't know. But it won't involve a husband and wife living together in the same house.

So as many of you know, husband is not working and has no income. Wife could probably make ends meet on current jobs (FT and PT), and is willing to move to a less expensive living situation (without husband).

I am not sure if it's best to: a) dump his stuff at the curb and change the locks. b) try to work out an equitable but non-legally binding (i.e., no lawyers to pay!) arrangement for the interim c)wait it out 'til 2012 when I will have finished grad school and kid #2 will have finished high school and kid #3 will only be in 6th grade so I can really pick up and move anywhere or d) some other permutation or combination I haven't discovered.

I know all about emotional honesty, what I seem to "owe" him in terms of that. Plan A, Plan B, Plan D, Plan Doormat, yadda yadda, yadda.

I have tried the emotional honesty route. Either I'm terrible at listening and communicating, or the target audience is refusing to listen.

I need a plan. It doesn't have to be executed today or tomorrow. And it doesn't have to be set in stone. But it does have to have minimal collateral damage.

I sort of feel like I have no business on a marriage advocacy forum with this type of plan in my future.