OH, one thing to consider. When you decide if YOU want to be married to this man (which you have been on the fence about), I believe that you will start acting towards that end. Your actions ot date have followed your feelings.
This is 100% true. When she decides that she is DONE, things will start changing. But, she is still feeling responsibility for taking care of this man who is incapable by all appearances of taking care of himself. That's not love, and it's not a marriage. It's having a horny teenager on the payroll.
Her original question on this thread wasn't whether or not to stay with him, it was asking what the best way to get out was, without damage to the kids or to him.