OH has said repeatedly that he refuses to see a counselor - either individually or as a couple - and that he refuses adamantly to take any more anti-d's after *one* didn't work. She has also said repeatedly that when she tries to share with him the financial situation, he shuts her down - many times abusively. She has also said that he refuses to take work offered him because it's "beneath him", yet he also refuses to take the load off of her at home.

What more is she supposed to do?

I completely "get it" that depression can be debilitating. That is actually the point I was making. You stated that you feel everyone here is ignoring the very real disease of depression. I was making the point that at least one of us is not ignoring it.

You keep asking what would our advice be if he had cancer or MS or something where he couldn't work, and why this is different. Most people with debilitating cancer or MS actually seek treatment. And are eligible for SSI.

I'm trying to figure out what you're saying she should do, without giving him a free pass.

I'd also like to know on what basis you state that alcoholism and depression are entirely different? Both are physical diseases, the only difference I can see is that alcoholics have the ability to avoid the substance that causes them problems.