Medc, you'd be wrong.
I have suffered from depression a good deal of my life. It is not, and should not, be an excuse for p*ss-poor behaviour.
He is blatantly refusing to do *anything* to try and keep this family in the black. They're going to end up losing their home, vehicles, and who knows what else because he won't step up. And when OH tries in every way she knows to talk about her feelings, he treats her abusively.
Alcoholism is also a disease. It is a biological shift in cellular chemistry. Are we to stay with alcoholics who are running the family into the poorhouse, and/or being abusive?
He refuses to seek help for his depression. He refuses to work with OH to improve their marriage and family.
When does **OH** get to be depressed and say "screw it" in re: to her finances and family obligations? Answer: she doesn't, because she doesn't have time or that luxury. Why does *he* have the luxury to wallow in it?