I had a HUGE one with my DH yesterday. Complicated, but the bottom line was that a 3-way tiff between me, him, and this woman we're going into business with ended up with him calling ME and saying 'what did you say to HER? WHY did you call her a liar? etc.'
Now, this woman operates everything in her life by putting people down; calling them liars; telling them they have no value; i.e., putting HERSELF above them. In her mind, she IS above everyone. But 'liar' is one of her favorite words. And she told him I was screaming at her at the 'top of my lungs.' Aside from him of course, I have yelled at exactly one person in my entire life; he knows that.
Anyway, the first thing he does is ask ME what I did to HER? Not defend his wife, but blame his wife and take someone else's side. He even told me I should call her and apologize! I was fuming ALL DAY LONG. I'm always the scapegoat, just like your DH turns everything around on you. Once a ladder fell we were moving, and he pulled his back, and he spent 30 minutes cussing me out for 'never' being there for him, making stupid choices, etc. So basically, I am ALWAYS the one who gets blamed, who gets everything turned on them, who is not respected nor treated with compassion. Sound familiar?
You'd be proud of me, though. We had to meet up later and he saw I was mad and said 'What are you so pissy about?' and I actually told him the truth, rather than avoid it like you and I always do. I told him he insulted me and I didn't like it, and I surely didn't appreciate being told to apologize to the woman. He denied saying it! But then he apologized. One of maybe 5 apologies in 30 years.
So I'm learning to stand up for myself, like we hope you will get to, even in the face of certain hassle.
It DOES feel good, OH!