Originally Posted by Medc
Since he is a stay at home dad, it is very unlikely (unless he is a drunk) that the children would be moving out of the house. OH could also be on the hook for spousal support.
I seem to recall that OH says that he does actually very LITTLE SAHD activities; she has often complained that she has to work full-time and often two jobs, AND come home and take care of the kids and get them to their appointed rounds.

These things need to be worked out ahead of time.
She says she has already lined up a place for her and the kids to move to.

Cat, I don't know the guy to judge his motivations. I do know he is depressed and do know how that disease is frequently minimized.
Not from me, as I am in solidarity with him when it comes to depression. As I said, if I wasn't so stubborn (or fearful of upsetting my DH), I would have been coming home every day and going to straight to sleep. Even now, however, I'm starting to succumb to that.

BTW, I was thinking a much shorter time frame for her "boundary." I think 30 days would be more than enough.
Works for me.

Any takers on the sick woman? How would we respond to her??? How is this different? Is depression a lesser disease? I know that before I was trained, I would not have given it the weight it deserves.
It depends on what the sick woman does. Does she expect to be waited on hand and foot or does she try to minimize her impact on people as a general rule? Does she work with the doctors to find ways to minimize the disease's effect on her life and on her role as mother and wife?

My best friend (whose husband was forcibly retired recently due to Agent Orange mental issues) has now been diagnosed with some obscure neurological disorder wherein she is tired and in pain, or has headaches, or low stamina...just a host of issues. On the one hand, I'm very supportive of her and want to help her. On the other hand, she treats her husband like a slave. He cannot leave the house for more than an hour or two because she doesn't want to have to watch the kids. She 'never knows' when she will need to lay down. He does ALL the housework, ALL the cooking, ALL the childrearing except for an occasional mother/daughter fun-type thing she participates in. All the shopping. All the getting kids where they need to go. In the last 2 years, I've seen her for maybe 10 hours total. The rest of the time she is lying in bed resting or napping. He continues to support her unconditionally, but he has literally given up his life. And she has let him. I ask her what she's doing to try to fight the disease, or at least reach some sort of level where she can at least participate in the family, and she just says she's working out a good arrangement of meds.

Now, I love her and totally support her. But after two years of watching her not even feel guilty for what has happened to her family, I'm starting to feel a little...used. For me, for her family, and especially for her husband. He tells me that she's supposed to be exercising, and getting out of bed, and other things to keep the disease from getting worse. But she chooses not to.

Maybe that's why I have such an issue with OH's husband. He COULD address his own issues. Lord knows the two of them have discussed them enough. And his standard response to her is to sling any comment back on her and ream her out because 'he has it worse.'

I know what depression does. Firsthand. I even know what depression and alcohol does firsthand together. But it has never impaired my mind so much that I am not aware of the people around me.

Maybe he IS unaware of the people around him. All the more reason for her to take a stand and effect a change whether he's willing or not.

OH, sorry for TJing, so to speak.