Go NC with your Ex. Her drama and lies aren't worth all the time and grief you are giving her. Instead, use that time to hit the gym or exercise outdoors. No contact unless it is necessary child-related discussion that is required, and never take calls. Email communication is best because it has a date/time stamp.
Do something that makes you feel better and recharges you too.
Interesting read. For those who have been and those who are dealing with an A plus other addictions, read this article. See how much of this experience you have experienced.
The outcome may vary but the path is a well worn one.
I certainly can relate and it scares me. For those who think we can just turn off our fears, those folks have no clue. It isn't that easy and in reality it shouldn't be, For a WS to be so callous to earn the 'incompatible' \adjective associated with a WS' name, it is truly a sad label to carry.
The BS can make sure they don't carry that title even if it means a divorce is inevitable. That will allow the BS and family to rebuild their lives without the reputation of being incompatible. It does take 2 to tango but only one to be incompatible and end a marriage.
This knowledge may help some BS and family learn not to carry the guilt of the WS / A. Because falling prey to the guilt of the A and WS is destructive and prevents healing so one can move forward.
What we should own is our own actions and how we train our children.