I would think those times are unlike today in that adultery was condoned.
Glad you found it inspiring, too. Interesting perspective in attitudes towards adultery today verses then.
To me, one of the saddest scenarios was that Hamilton was more interested in protecting his political legacy than his wife and family. 6 years after-the fact, when he was accused of speculation with government funds, he exposed his cheating on his wife, Eliza. Talk about an exposure letter---this was a 37 page first person published document with intimate details of the year-long affair. He showed little or no regard to how it might impact his wife. Amazingly, it did not end his political career. But it didn't help it, either.
Eliza is my hero. She somehow forgave him, she endured his avoidable death---Hamilton was so far in debt that she lost their home temporarily--- she raised their remaining 7 children alone, and she worked tirelessly to preserve Hamilton's legacy. Along the way she helped raised funds for the Washington Monument, she started the Hamilton Free School in Washington Heights and she was one of the founders of the first private orphanages in New York City, which is still operating today.
Since you mentioned not knowing much about the history of Hamilton's impact on our nation's foundation....that's because his enemies---including most of the other Founding Fathers, hated him so much that they used all the power they had to denigrate his legacy.
And they were quite successful; hence most only know of Hamilton as the "guy on the $10 bill" and the "dude who died in a duel" from the Got Milk Commercial in the 1990s. Our history curriculum barely mentions him. If Eliza and her son, John Church Hamilton, had not been able to preserve his thousands of pages of writings, that large chunk of history might have been lost forever.
But that is the point. I have no intention of ever working on my own side of the dynamic. Nor she hers. That is why we are so perfectly matched. We would both rather stay in a less fulfilling relationship than work on ourselves, request that our spouse deal with them dysfunction, and leave if our spouse can't or won't. We both believe a more fulfilling relationship is unlikely to manifest, which makes the price of transitioning to be available for "better offers" too high to bear.
I’ve always felt like what stopped you from working on you was fear that if you got well it would destroy your relationship. I’m not sure how you could think that when you saw me do what I did. I got SO much stronger and healthier and I just brought Daryl along for the ride. He didn’t get AS healthy as I did, but at the beginning of my journey it was part of my goal and my identity that I was 100% committed to saving the relationship (unless it was completely impossible). I made my therapist aware of how strongly I felt about that and I held to it.
It didn’t stop me from becoming whole. And it improved our relationship. It could do it for you too.
I have lost weight since we started quarantining, and I snack every morning and every afternoon. And often before bed, which is a real no-no.
This is difficult. No doubt about that. But it is possible. I look forward to the day when you achieve success. Stay safe.
Hey Hold....someone mentioned being an "overachiever" but I think you've given it new meaning. You and my DD40-something are the only ones I know who have lost weight while quarantining. She does fitness bets on the web....works for motivating her and she's winning money and getting really healthy, too.
Our Curves has reopened with strict protocols..... work-outs only, no weigh-in/measurements allowed. But I jumped on the scale and have only gained 6 since March 3 so I'm feeling pretty good and getting back on track.
Thanks for all the healthy tips on this discussion. I can't believe it's the top trending thread....of course when we have so few of us brave enough to bypass the faux warning, it doesn't take much for a thread to trend.
Yay for progress! The process is very intense and everything is scrutinized. Just hang in there as you get through the interviews and home visits. Reward yourself for every big day so you aren't feeling too much emotional burn out. Hugs!
This lion is prancing through the jungle bein' all proud of his mastery of the animal kingdom. One day he decides to make sure all the other animals knows he's king of the jungle. He was so confident that he bypassed the smaller animals and went straight to the bear.
Grabs the bear by the neck and screams "Hey Bear! Who's the king of the jungle??!"
"Why, of course, you are," the bear replied. The lion gave a mighty roar of approval.
Next he asked the tiger, grabbing it by its jaw... "Hey Tiger! Who's king of the jungle??!"
The tiger quickly responded, "Everyone knows that YOU are, oh mighty lion."
Yeah that's right!
Next on the list was the elephant. Grabs it by its trunk and screams "Hey elephant! Who's king of the jungle??!"
The elephant immediately grabs the lion with his trunk, whirls him around in the air five or six times and slams him into a tree. Then he pounds him onto the ground several times, dunks him under water in a nearby lake and finally dumps him out on the shore.
The lion — beaten, bruised and battered — struggles to his feet.
"Look elephant, just because you don't know the answer is no reason to get upset."
Congratulations again Acey on being recovered, the gift that keeps on giving!
The posters at MB recommended me to Al-Anon family groups soon after I got there. I didn’t save my first marriage but I found an amazing fellowship that saw me through all the trials since then. In addition to being part of the community here I’ve stayed at MB too, and called the MB radio show and got advice shortly before calling it quits the second time.