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 Trending Topics(Posts)
1.Roll Call8
2.no more rainbow members?3
3.Lil' Blog3
4.Return of the Goddess3
5.COVID-19 and the Increased Likelihood of Affairs1
6.I was thinking...1
7.The Joke Thread1
8.***SCREEN NAMES...WHY did you choose YOURS?***1
9.Two Wolves1
10.WS/WAS: What snaps them out of it?1
*By replies in last 2 weeks.
In The Media(Posts)
COVID-19 and the Increased Likelihood of Affairs1
Does anyone remember this story?3
Validation to find-win-win slutions2
Things men want3
These Are The Signs You're Dating A Narcissist3
Girlfriend's 'controlling' list of 22 rules for boyfriend goes viral: 'She sounds crazy'9
What Divorced Men Wish They Had Done Differently In Their Marriages7
Alienation of Affection / Criminal Conversation9
Would you pay your ex a 'break-up fee'? - BBC3
Delaware is now first US state to fully ban child marriage - CBS3
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Active Threads | Active Posts | Unanswered Today | Since Yesterday | This Week
Marriage News
06/18/21 12:45 AM
"The current pandemic may be putting couples at increased risk for experiencing infidelity. While we do not yet have definitive statistics on the rates of infidelity in this era, studies show that individuals across the United States are experiencing significantly high levels of stress in response to the pandemic, which is common during an infectious disease outbreak like this one "

Article here
0 9 Read More
Other Topics
06/17/21 08:38 PM
Lil...

A conductor on the Bee side...

LOL

SFB
1,190 2,202,018 Read More
Announcements
06/17/21 06:07 PM
Originally Posted by QueeniesAdventures
Hi there,

How's life? What's happening?

Queenie


Welcome back, Queenie! Delighted you’ve discovered MA is up and running without scary messages.
46 668 Read More
Tech Support & Suggestion Box
06/17/21 05:57 PM
Well, that answers your question, Lil it doesn’t explain why your phone can’t pick up color.

ANYBODY got an explanation? Or better yet, a FIX?
8 110 Read More
Infidelity and Abandonment
06/16/21 01:51 AM
Originally Posted by AtTheEnd?
This subject came up in another thread and felt it deserved it's own. What brings the WS/WAS out of their "fog"? How long does it take? What is the next step for the WS? How do they feel? Where is the BS at this point? How often does this snapping out of it happen (possibly never)? Once they our out of it, do they want to return, or do they just move onto another relationship?

Feel free to add more and expand on this subject.

-AtTheEnd?


Time for a revisit I guess smile
159 74,715 Read More
Blogging Central
06/15/21 10:57 PM
Turns out we have entirely different visions for it. Ah well POJA and all that.

Cured my biggest issue is that it is very dirty and has a far too active mouse population. I'd do the live and let.live thing, but they poop anywhere they darn well want.

Still since we cant really get away overseas and the caravan has become less convenient-we added another dog into the family- this is a good option.
1,113 1,704,822 Read More
<<<MAgnify>>> Your Marriage
06/15/21 10:09 AM
Bumpies
61 55,783 Read More
Welcome Newcomers!
06/15/21 09:10 AM
Bump for a lurking visitor smile
6 34,838 Read More
Blogging Central
06/12/21 05:41 PM
Originally Posted by Mimi
LOVE....says it all


You're right, it does.

Originally Posted by Mimi
Life is so amazing


Yes it is.

How are you, Mimi?

Ace
29 386 Read More
Blogging Central
06/08/21 02:14 PM
Great update!
487 547,169 Read More
Other Topics
06/07/21 06:06 PM
Hi Guys,

Hope all is well. Why did I choose this name, because G-d lead me to it. When life happened, it was G-d who created a new me and it just seemed to fit perfectly as queenie was on the adventures of life. I grew up here, I became a woman of G-d and I walked in faith, till to this day.

Hugs,
Queenie
218 281,247 Read More
Troubled Marriage
06/05/21 12:49 AM
Bump
12 681 Read More
Blogging Central
06/03/21 03:32 PM
That is a good point, Blair, to enjoy the journey.

I probably enjoy that more than whatever my hair looks like. I’m pretty conservative by nature so it’s interesting to track my journey post divorce by the stages of hair changes.
2,734 4,329,427 Read More
Welcome Newcomers!
06/03/21 01:24 PM
So great to see new members.
1,544 2,465,290 Read More
Preparing for Success in Marriage
06/03/21 03:58 AM
Interesting article. Thank you for sharing it.
2 80 Read More
Infidelity and Abandonment
05/31/21 08:25 AM
Time for another bump
15 4,931 Read More
Program, Forum & Book Reviews
05/29/21 06:00 AM
POJA isn't really a negotiating tool and can't resolve conflicts. It's intended to be a a way to avoid taking actions that lead to resentment and is meant to prevent one sided compromise. You get what you want and I get what I don't want, even if I get to be selfish at a later date.

Couples tend to seek compromise by trading something one wants in exchange for the other getting something in return. The problem is that it seldom actually works that way in real life. What actually happens is that one ends up being hurt while the other "wins." Even if the reverse takes place later, the score might be even but both have been hurt or have sacrificed something and resentment is the typical result.

When both are working from the same dynamic, not wanting to win at the other's expense and so damaging the relationship, then POJA can be applied to find a win-win answer to the question at hand. If either would rather win than avoid hurting the other, then POJA has zero chance of success.

What it can do is really little more than reminding both to avoid Independent Behavior. IB isn't doing things by yourself or on your own and it isn't simply failing to check in with each other before doing everything. It is rather doing things as if it doesn't affect your spouse or more often, as if your spouse doesn't matter. If POJA is too restrictive it's likely the relationship is already in trouble. If one is controlling or must win at the expense of the other, there are probably other things that are broken.

It helps to remember the context in which POJA was developed, that is, affair proofing the marriage. In that context it is supposed to prevent either spouse from doing things in secret that make an affair more likely (secretive double life sort of things.) It isn't designed to negotiate what car to buy but if you buy a car on your own and your spouse hates the car, you probably need to look at why you thought that was a good idea in the first place.

Compromise isn't a bad thing if both get something, which is the heart of seeking win-win. If both spouses are only seeking self gratification, it's because the relationship is already damaged (or never really built up.)

Again, context matters in Harley's model. His premise is that when we feel connected and satisfied with the state of the marriage, we negotiate in good faith and want our spouse to be happy. If we are dissatisfied but still connected, we are unwilling to give in because we only want our own satisfaction. The worst case is no longer feeling connected because then the second you feel connected, you want more to be satisfied. Harley's terms are Intimacy(connected and satisfied), Conflict (connected by dissatisfied) and withdrawal (Disconnected) POJA really only works in Intimacy when you feel connected and want to make your spouse happy. It's a way to stay that way instead of a path to getting there.
12 3,292 Read More
Infidelity and Abandonment
05/28/21 04:58 AM
Bump
39 46,285 Read More
<<<MAgnify>>> Your Marriage
05/27/21 02:19 AM
I gained a bunch of weight, sort of from Covid, mostly by being in a bad mood for several months. I have lost some of that, really need to lose more but I am not being very well behaved with type of food or quantity. I intermittant fast fairly regularly - 3 to 4 times a week, but since I usually just each rubbish during my window, its a bit self defeating
128 83,348 Read More
Program, Forum & Book Reviews
05/27/21 01:27 AM
Thank you, Lil. This is a fascinating book.
4 99 Read More
Tech Support & Suggestion Box
05/26/21 11:50 PM
I know if you click on your user name on the mobile, it'll bring up whose online, and a bunch if stuff, but not the new members info
4 122 Read More
Family, Children and Friends
05/26/21 09:49 PM
laugh1
3 118 Read More
Program, Forum & Book Reviews
05/25/21 02:54 PM
We have so much to offer people who are now walking the infidelity path. So many of us who recovered here, did it with the support of those who went before us. We owe it to them to keep the support chain going.

Good to see some folks who’ve not been around in a while...like YOU, Lil. thumbsup
22 21,356 Read More
Other Topics
05/25/21 08:37 AM
No literally that.

Smear a line of whipped cream on a plate for something for the biscuits to stick to.Take your store bought packet of chocolate chip biscuits (you guys would call them cookies) Dip into orange juice and spread whipped cream on it. Repeat, start sticking the biscuits together in a log fashion. One you run out of biscuits, cover the whole log in whipped cream and let sit in the fridge for a few hours until the biscuits soften up, then eat. Its a summer dessert. I have heard of the 'grown up' version where you dip the biscuits in sherry, but never bothered myself. And there are all the variations, sprinkle with coffee, of grated chocolate, or.... Im lazy and I like it like this just fie

Kiwi style recipe here
605 1,046,079 Read More
Construction Zone
05/25/21 05:18 AM
Originally Posted by holdingontoit
If you get the 'my pillow' please let us know your experience with it.


I know this quote is 5 years old but we have experienced "my pillow" for a few years now and they work well for me and my family.

Originally Posted by star*fish
No it didn't--I might revisit that.


Star, it would be great if you revisited completing and publishing this.
26 7,039 Read More
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