Maybe but I know his mom and she was not some uptight mom. She raised 4 boys—3 of them in 6 years. They were rough and tumble and she was rough and tumble back. But yes they do respect her and maybe dh just thinks ds is disrespectful all around to me. But for years I have not been able to establish my own relationship with ds if dh is around because Dh is always correcting, correcting, corecting. I often want to say ‘leave him alone!’ To dh about ds.

Last night we were eating tacos and ds asked if he could have some Diet Coke. I told him yes if he would pick up some more before he came home later. Dh didnt like it. But then again, I am constantly irritated because dss eats the last of things often....and he is like 75-100 pounds over weight so I have to really bite my tongue.

Things have been better though. Ds started his second semester yesterday and he is pretty nervous about it.....so I do what I can to encourage him...make sure he is fed and listen to him talk....you know —be a mom.

Well I do think it is good he repaid your parents.

If you have decided to stay I would move forward with some work to feel love for each other again.

I found this while watching a You Tube video my cousin sent about pets reuniting with their owners. Out here on the Big Island pets are often lost or abandoned due to the flooding, volcano and even earthquake events. She sends links about this all the time.

I'm not a FB person but when watching what she sent me, I found this and wanted to share.......

Learning about life can come from so many places and things. Some of which is humorous and still a learning event.


Dog Snitching........

Enjoy!

Hello George and Ianmc222,


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Interesting comparison with ML and your mom. I sense you feel relief. It is ok to feel relief. Not everyone gets to keep a good name in their life if they haven't kept their name good. Make sense?

This means it is ok to acknowledge reality vs go into denial. There's a saying: “A name is better than good oil, and the day of death than the day of one’s being born.”

Now you get to focus on what is important in your life going forward. It is sad that your mom choose to leave the memories of her mistreating of others as her last way she is remembered. It is her choice.

In my case, my father did the same. His life ended with him not leaving good memories. His choice. Our reality.

What plans do you have or do you need a bit of recoup time before thinking about tomorrow?

Hugz,
Orchid

Ned,
Perfectly recapped. I dub you to write all my posts.

Same for WSt as well, lots of wasted time on him. He is still alive and his ability to make his improvements are on him and him alone. That's ok. I still grieve for him asl well since his loss of goodness hurts my heart. He had such potential but his inability to maintain integrity contributed to all that has happened.

So to add to your great post, loss of integrity and goodness results in sadness. Anger and revenge are temporary relief measures that are often not healthy. Can be useful at times but not always.

I now focus on viewing things in a much more balanced view. For myself, my boundaries include valid integrity and goodness. They are measured to be sure since integrity in the wrong place or person can be misguided with grave consequences. Goodness is relative so basing both on a source that has an unchangeable stance (in my case proper understanding of Biblical principals, not to be confused with biblical opinions) requires I stay educated and informed of accurate knowledge.

The one thing that does do is keep me humble, for I know there is more I can learn even at this older age. To be pious that results in hypocritical attitude and actions is not acceptable to me. No one on this earth at this time is perfect. We would like to be but none of us are. So constant reminders to stay on track, balanced and focused as needed is important.

This doesn't mean all will be well. For now, all is tolerable. Looking forward to a time when all can be well is in the future for now. Coping skills become more valuable in these situations.

I have learned to know when to appreciate good advice, opinions and counsel. Also learned when to recognize bad advise, opinions and counsel. Working hard on honing those skills and helping others develop similar skills. It's about understanding principals vs laws but also knowing what laws need to be utilized as needed.

There is not one size fits all for every situation and we shouldn't get lazy about doing so. If we work with our personal boundaries, know and apply good principals, be law abiding to where it doesn't conflict with our trained consciences, then we can deal with almost every situation that pops up. Even the ones bent on hurting us the most.

For some, prayer is a vital part of that protection to keep us sane. Just make sure you are praying to one who can answer those prayers. It's like asking a parent, teacher, boss, judge or other person of authority for advice. If it is good advice and we disregard it, it's our fault. If is bad advice and we follow it, it is a combination of faults but still partially our fault and we must own up to it. The best scenario is to get good advice, understand and implement it. Owning our part of our decision.

Hope this makes sense. Posting helps me get it out there so I can solidify it for myself.

Mahalo,
Orchid

Hope your holiday was wonderful. Happy New Year.

Cat, that sounds awesome. I know this is a hectic time of the year to bring up vacation, I only spoke up now because Friday my coworker told me about the additional vacation days because we started around the same time. The Galveston one looks gorgeous! I saw there is one in Orlando, that reminded me to tell you we’re going with family MLK weekend in January if you’d like to join us. And you know November we usually meet up with Acey and RHW, you’re always welcome to join us, I’ll just get a bigger suite. Do you like to do water stuff? The Galveston one looks great for that. Maybe like September it’s still warm? Or if you want to save the timeshare I ‘d love to see your house, all the stuff you recommend to OBL, it sounds like there would be plenty to do.

About the kids, I’ve been validating them as we go, and I told OD if it was me I’d chill at her uncle’s house for a few days. It sounds like things finally settled down and they made their peace.

This brother is coming with his gf and my niece to rent a room in my house for a year. To save up money for a down payment for their own home. I think this will be a win-win, we get to see my niece a lot more, I’ll get a little side income, and they get a cheaper rent, and sitter so they can go out.

I looked into that but there are non around here. He opened up at small group at church, which really helped. I joined a support lead by my therapist on fb, which is also very useful. He is thinking of starting one for the WS too but none so far. Thank you all for being here and helping.

What happens to elves when they behave naughty?
Santa gives them the sack.

What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap.

What is a snowmans favorite breakfast?
Ice Crispies.

Why didn't the skeleton go to the Christmas party?
He had no-body to go with.

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A Mince Spy!

What says 'Oh Oh Oh'?
Santa walking backwards!

What do you call a greedy elf?
Elfish.

What do zombies eat with their Christmas dinner?
Grave-y.

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws!

What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Can you smell carrot?

Whats the best Christmas Present?
A broken drum - you can't beat it.

Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners?
Rude-alph!