The Marital Fidelity Health Check is one of the classic articles from Save Your Marriage Central’s founder Penny Tupy that Marriage Advocates is very proud to feature.
In this article, Penny provides a valuable tool to evaluate the health of your marriage and strength of your marital fidelity.
Marital Fidelity Health Check
The Marital Fidelity Health Check is a once-a-month check on the health of your marriage. The best cure is always prevention. Although no one can completely prevent the possibility of infidelity, a good marriage is a strong protective measure. Combine a good marriage with being aware of and avoiding risks and dangers to the marriage, and you have the most powerful tools working in your favor.
How to Evaluate Your Marital Fidelity
Answer yes or no to the questions below. A yes answer must include both spouses’ actions and choices – if your response is that one of you does this but not the other, then the answer is no.
- Are you spending at least 2 nights a week and one weekend day together as a couple doing something that’s fun for both of you?
- Are you able to bring up, discuss, and mutually resolve small issues in your lives within a couple of days?
- Are you able to bring up, discuss, and mutually resolve larger issues in your lives within one or two weeks – or can you agree to table them without resentment until a later date?
- Do you share all information about other people in your lives – friends, coworkers, and others. This includes conversations, affectionate gestures, email, and emotional reactions.
- Do you share all information about your whereabouts and your activities when you are not together?
- Do you share all financial information freely?
- Do you have a spoken or unspoken agreement – and do you abide by this agreement – to avoid doing things that annoy or offend each other?
- Are you both aware of and have you discussed the risks other people can pose to your marriage?
- Do you have an agreement that attraction to another person will be discussed openly?
- Do you have an agreement to avoid intimate conversations with other people of your sexual preference – particularly conversations about dissatisfaction with your marriage, or theirs?
- Do you have an agreement not to engage in “dating” activities with others of your sexual preference – coffee or lunch together, stopping at the bar after work, or just hanging out at the office or elsewhere?
How to Interpret Your Marital Fidelity Evaluation
“Yes” answers to questions 1, 4, 8, 9, 10, and 11 are crucial. “No” answers to any of these questions puts you at a significant risk of infidelity in your marriage.
“Yes” answers to 2, 3, 5, 6, and 7 demonstrate a good level of cooperation and partnering. If you answered no to any of these but not the ones listed above, you can begin to add these practices to your marriage. A “no” answer to any of these in combination to the ones listed above increases your risk for infidelity in your marriage.