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#56989 - 01/23/11 05:03 PM 77% of divorced men don't regret affairs (men's health)

Registered: 12/22/10
Posts: 2607
I ran across this article in the Post. The survey was done by Men's Health. 77% of men who had affairs and divorced do NOT have regret or remorse for being unfaithful and 81% of divorced men who cheated prefer sex with the new partner. 275 men participated in this survey.

The article/survey also states that if the unfaithful returns to the betrayed spouse and issues are addressed the unfaithful spouse does begin to feel regret and realize that problems could be solved another way.

But for those men (surveyed) that do not return to the marriage it seems 77% have no regrets about the affair/divorce.

47% of surveyed men blamed their wives for THEIR cheating stating they didn't feel their wives found them attractive.

41% of surveyed men were bored

38% wanted an escape

17% found the OW 'too hot' to resist

The survey also noted, as we all know, cheating is not the problem but a symptom of a much larger problem.

It's only Men's Health, I get it, but interesting anyhow. Unless I am missing it the survey does not state how long these men have been divorced for or what the status of their "affair R" is.


#56999 - 01/23/11 05:36 PM Re: 77% of divorced men don't regret affairs (men's health) [Re: CityGirl]

Registered: 12/22/10
Posts: 2607
I have to say in my experience I find this article to be kind of true. I didn't want to add my thoughts to the main post.

My H (in year 3 of his affair and living with OW) has never showed an ounce of regret or remorse for his affair, his behavior during his affair or our (impending) divorce. He has justified it up and down. If he wasn't so hurtful and abusive about it all I would almost have to be impressed with his very creative methods of justification.

He has said he is sorry I ended up hurt but he never expressed to me that he knows it's HIS choice to have an affair and divorce me with no discussion, hurt me emotionally and endangered my physical health.

He also blames me saying I should have known something was wrong and I should have better listened to his "loud cries for help". I did one day ask him if how I was supposed to know something was wrong. In the months leading up to the affair (and always prior) we did everything together, had fun, communicated, had sex, planned a huge vacation half a year out, he sent flowers like he always did (he did this weekly since I met him 13 yrs ago), he planned a lavish b-day party for me and blah blah blah. We had no money troubles, no family troubles and no typical triggers other than the Big 3 (me getting sick, his mom getting sick, my dad dying within a 3 months span the year prior).

He had no answer other than I should have just known. He has no answers about anything but to blame, bash and justify. Just to be clear we don't communicate anymore but prior to me cutting him out of my life this was the usual routine. He has stated I am missing from his life but he won't get rid of OW or do any work. So I do think he falls in the 77%.

My H's affair is not new. He is very vested. 36 months later he still has no regret or remorse.

I'd also like to know if the men surveyed had any major consequences to face (exposure, no family support, job loss, custody loss, financial loss). I'm not sure it matters though about consequences for the WAS.

Edited by CityGirl (01/23/11 05:51 PM)

#57000 - 01/23/11 05:36 PM Re: 77% of divorced men don't regret affairs (men's health) [Re: CityGirl]

Registered: 09/15/10
Posts: 17282
Loc: The Castle Aaaggghh...
Very interesting.......

#57286 - 01/24/11 01:04 AM Re: 77% of divorced men don't regret affairs (men's health) [Re: CityGirl]

Registered: 11/19/10
Posts: 6821
Thanks for posting this CG. Rings true doesn't it?
we: me44 + my husband Pookie :9: + S9 + D6

#57710 - 01/24/11 05:43 PM Re: 77% of divorced men don't regret affairs (men's health) [Re: flowmom]

Registered: 12/22/10
Posts: 2607
It does ring true, Flo.

My H's aunt (who was married to an amazing man) cheated on her husband. The "man" she cheated with was also married, had a small child AND his W was pregnant with twins.

Both my H's aunt and her affair partner left their spouses and married. They both lost EVERYTHING including custody and 20 years later they have no regrets. Their marriage is okay with the usual ups and downs but she overlooks too much because she loves him so much. They did have two children together, one being special needs.

The entire family hates my H's aunts current husband (he is a disgusting person, sorry but he is) and still talks about the first husband like he is some sort of God twenty years later.

They (my H's family) accepted the affair and the new husband as part of the family but the rule is no sympathy or talking about it when problems come up. Nobody treats the new husband good. Then again my H's aunt does not have "golden child" status as my H does within the family structure so she has to accept the poor treatment of her H.

Most people I know IRL who had affairs and married the affair partners have no regrets.


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