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Giving it 6 months
#441158
02/13/19 07:31 PM
02/13/19 07:31 PM
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,444 Ness
Lil
OP

Member
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OP

Member
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,444
Ness
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Before you all have conniptions, its not me, its a friend
I don't think I want advise, I just wanted somewhere to talk about it, where I know people will under stand
So, a dear friend told me last night that her fiance and her have 'had the talk', and they're going to give it 6 months. They have also told both set of parents. I kind of feel that they have essentially given up, to be honest. He has depression and anxiety, she is fairly detached already. A small complication is that when they went to the doctor to discuss the depression (and zero love life, anxiety, self harm thoughts etc) the doctor noticed a lump on his thyroid, so thats been sampled and sent away fro testing as well. He was tested for testosterone at the same time. That has come back fine, but still waiting on the thyroid. From the conversation I gather that the 6 month thing might be related to the possible outcomes of that.
I did talk to her about why women leave men, and bit about statistics of people who stay in a relationship and I will drop of HNHN to them but I dunno, it feels a bit pointless yanno
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Re: Giving it 6 months
[Re: Lil]
#441213
02/18/19 06:56 PM
02/18/19 06:56 PM
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Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 4,455
Blair
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Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 4,455
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Re: Giving it 6 months
[Re: star*fish]
#441249
02/21/19 11:31 PM
02/21/19 11:31 PM
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,444 Ness
Lil
OP

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OP

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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,444
Ness
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If they're having this many problems before they get married--what happens when they get past the "honeymoon"? Or don't get one at all? If she's bored now, she'll hate him in year. Houses can be sold. That might not be what either of them want to do--but a house is not worth long-term unhappiness. I think this guy deserves someone who appreciates the good qualities he can bring to the table and a partner who isn't bored by his niceness. I think she deserves someone who isn't depressed or unavailable. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with your friend. I'm just saying she isn't "into" him enough to marry him. If she's not absolutely bat-carp crazy about this guy right now--I seriously doubt it will get better. Why give it six months? Why not separate and see how that goes instead? See if they can find their way back to each other. They'll either realize how much they need each other--or be relieved they didn't pull the trigger. They aren't married yet--and THIS is the time to find out if they're happier apart. I hope she will NOT spend the next six months trying to make this work when her heart isn't in it. Wow, Star!! Its like seeing a celebrity  Yes I entirely agree, which is why I didn't ask for advice, just somewhere to discuss it. I know I have a tendency to wanting to fix all relationships, and it makes me sad when they implode, but I do know not every relationship should be saved. I havent actually seen her since the original discussion, but I will prolly see her this weekend. Our dogs have walking dates, and its been a while
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Re: Giving it 6 months
[Re: star*fish]
#441253
02/23/19 05:56 PM
02/23/19 05:56 PM
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,406
right here waiting
Board of Directors President
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Board of Directors President
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,406
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Just read through this thread, and had basically the same thoughts as Star. I’m guessing your friend doesn’t want to hurt her fiancée by calling it quits (which I suspect she will do by the 6-month deadline), but is buying time to figure out how to handle it. It’s a sorry situation, but how much better to end a relationship that’s not working BEFORE it turns into a more unpleasant (and expensive) legal issue. Divorce is even more traumatic than breaking an engagement, and if/when a child or two should be thrown into the mix, it’s a recipe for misery for all involved. Only thing I can suggest is that they get couple’s counseling and keep at it for the next six months. Personally, though, I think the relationship doesn’t have much of a chance.  All that said, it’s SO good to see you in these parts again, lil. We miss you.
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Re: Giving it 6 months
[Re: Lil]
#443374
06/26/19 05:30 AM
06/26/19 05:30 AM
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,333
Ace
Advocate
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Advocate
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,333
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Hi guys,
I thought I'd update this and then guess that will close it off.
They separated, and it was all very adult and amicable. They still live in the same house in a flatmate sort of scenario. The plan is to continue on with this until spring when they can finish the landscaping and then sell it. Neither is able to purchase the property on their own.
She has listed herself on tinder, and has had a couple of dates. He knows and again, was very amicable about it. She did say he seems fairly unconcerned about anything.
And, thats all folks Hi Lil,  Sounds like your friend is trying to make the best of a difficult situation. Glad you were able to be there for her. Hope all's well with you and Mr. Flick. Thanks for updating us on the latest details. Take care, Ace
We're overcoming decades of marital dysfunction including abuse, passive aggression, gas-lighting & infidelity (both of us). Our Weird and Ongoing Story
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