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Not divorce yet but Husband is now engaged #440765
01/14/19 03:10 PM
01/14/19 03:10 PM
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It's been almost 2 years and I was pleasantly surprise that this site is still here.

Married 29 yrs
BD 1/2016
Husband officially moved in with the OW 10/2016.
Husband engaged 12/2018
Divorce is not yet finalized.

The OW has it posted all over social media but H does not. (neighbor has informed me)
He hasn't said anything about it to our adult children.
H is trying to reestablish relationship with the kids since he has learned he is to become a Grandfather.
OW is pushing the H for the kids on accepting her.
H finally excepted the fact that the OW would never be part of kids lives.
H does not visit for OW is not welcomed and he is not allowed to go anywhere without her...which H allows.
Only speaks to our daughter but only if he is away from the OW.

Our son does not speak to him but has sent a text or 2 over the holidays and gets a short responds other than that nothing.
I haven't talked to H in months since he had started some things that he had dragged me into.
He now avoids me at all cost since I confronted him on it.
We are in the mist of trying to sell the house and I will be buying a new home once it is sold.
So being things need to be address about matters he will have no other choice but to contact me and know this will cause issues with the OW.
H just moved his things out a few months ago to the OW's but still has a few things here and I was told he has to store his things
else where so has rented out a storage unit.


Now this is what I am confused about and ask your opinion on.
H has a PO Box where he has his mail sent past 2 years.
But he still states his physical address here not at the OW's address.
Also he still has mail sent here which I just place in a drawer ready for him if he ever wants to retrieve it.
I do not nor want to open his mail but most things are marked and can tell by the way they are printed on what they are.
He now has been getting bills sent here and these bills are new accounts and should not be sent here but to his PO Box along with his other bills.
Now the thing is I do not understand is why does he insists on doing this?
Any thoughts?

Re: Not divorce yet but Husband is now engaged [Re: 2close] #440766
01/14/19 03:36 PM
01/14/19 03:36 PM
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Originally Posted by 2close
Now this is what I am confused about and ask your opinion on.
H has a PO Box where he has his mail sent past 2 years.
But he still states his physical address here not at the OW's address.
Also he still has mail sent here which I just place in a drawer ready for him if he ever wants to retrieve it.
I do not nor want to open his mail but most things are marked and can tell by the way they are printed on what they are.
He now has been getting bills sent here and these bills are new accounts and should not be sent here but to his PO Box along with his other bills.
Now the thing is I do not understand is why does he insists on doing this?
Any thoughts?
Because a PO Box isn't a service address and banks have to comply with with Patriot Act reg's to defeat criminal activity. They need a physical address where the customer "lives" (although he ain't there).

There may be a way to satisfy this and get his bank mail to a PO Box, but he is probably lazy and it also seems like he is trying to hide stuff from his OW. (Surprise, surprise... cheaters not being honest....)

Last edited by Fergie; 01/14/19 03:44 PM.
Re: Not divorce yet but Husband is now engaged [Re: Fergie] #440767
01/14/19 08:36 PM
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2C,

Thanks for the update. Some of your situation is similar to mine. My then WS went to live with the OW. They didn't last a week, with the OW screaming into the phone for me to take the WS back and the WS crying to come home. LOL!!!

The separate PO Box was one of his attempts to separate his life. He did keep sending his bills to our home, including the credit cards where he fraudulently signed my name so he could have more $$$$ to spend on the A. Yep, it happened on multiple cards. He also made the statement at one point that as long as I paid his bills, he could be a WS, forever. That was a wake up call.

So my advice to you is to forward those items you don't need to deal with to his PO Box or better yet to the OW's address. In my case the OW gave him a list of do's and don'ts. One of them was not to receive mail at her home for 2 years. Imagine that? Put a man's pants and body parts in the OW's bed but no mail? How confusing is that? LOL!!!! She emailed pictures to prove about the body parts in her bed.....I saw them on our family computer.......YUCK!!! But no mail to her home. So one day, I hung a bag of WS' dirty laundry on her front door after he spent the weekend babysitting our son while I was on a short trip and left his dirty work clothes (gardener and tree removal specialist) at our house. I was no longer doing his laundry so I dropped them off at an address I was not suppose to know about but did......That's another story......

So decide what you will allow into your home vs not. It may make life awkward and uncomfortable for him but he doesn't seem to care that his choices is hurting your family, right? wink

I am so opinionated on this subject. LOL!!! RE: BTDT and then some. wink

jmo,
Orchid


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Re: Not divorce yet but Husband is now engaged [Re: 2close] #440768
01/15/19 12:03 AM
01/15/19 12:03 AM
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Forward the mail to the P.O box or OW's residence. If he's living with her, use it to your full advantage in the divorce.

You can make stickers that say:

Creepy H
C/O OW
with her full address

Re: Not divorce yet but Husband is now engaged [Re: Blair] #440769
01/15/19 12:43 AM
01/15/19 12:43 AM
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Blair has a sense of humor which helps. smile

I dubbed the OW I dealt with as PBR (aka: psycho babble rabbit). She earned every letter of that name and them some.

A 3 fake preggos
B. False RO filing (after she had sex with WS)
C. Lots of phone messages and emails which she recorded, printed and tried to submit as evident at the RO hearing - which the judge did a number and filed the RO against her as well.

That's just for starters, her name doesn't cover what she does with dirty laundry and threats to fire me from my job.

So find a name where it helps you keep things in perspective.

jmo,
Orchid


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Re: Not divorce yet but Husband is now engaged [Re: Blair] #440770
01/15/19 12:53 PM
01/15/19 12:53 PM
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Divorce is all settled just waiting on the judge to finalize... The court was aware of the Affair and the OW but does not matter in this state (all about finances) As for forwarding mail he knows it's being sent here so if he should be responsible for getting it not I. I'm done babysitting.

Re: Not divorce yet but Husband is now engaged [Re: Fergie] #440771
01/15/19 12:58 PM
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It's just not banks it is also other things that can be sent to the P.O box. He has all his other bills and things sent there. As for hiding things from her that wouldn't surprise me. As I replied above I will not babysit him. If he wants his mail he needs to come and get it.

Re: Not divorce yet but Husband is now engaged [Re: Orchid2] #440772
01/15/19 01:13 PM
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lol about the name you came up with. I say the OW not to mean "other woman" but for "Old Woman" She is almost 10 years older than H and she looks as old as his Mother as well as act, dresses and even looks similar to his Mother.
He's basically dating him Mother (or should I say engaged to his Mother)
As for her making threats, or causing any trouble for me she doesn't she's just as a coward as he is.
I also won't play into that role of the 3 triangle games.
Yes can I cause a lot of trouble for her as well as him that's a yes!
But I refuse to waste my time or energy to do so. I will not lower myself to doing so.
Besides I don't need to they cause it all themselves.

Re: Not divorce yet but Husband is now engaged [Re: Orchid2] #440773
01/15/19 01:16 PM
01/15/19 01:16 PM
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Oh and he has had the PO Box over 2 years so why now?

Re: Not divorce yet but Husband is now engaged [Re: 2close] #440774
01/15/19 02:02 PM
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Originally Posted by 2close
Oh and he has had the PO Box over 2 years so why now?


Because he can. Because he's having 2nd thoughts. Because he is conflicted. The reasons / excuses can change. WS' tend to be fickle.

I would forward all the mail you don't want at your home to his PO Box. I ddid that and the OW freaked out. So I let them think I was psychic. LOL!!!!

Btw PBR also tried to plan a wedding. She was more like an animal who tried to replace me by even planning a wedding on the same month as our anniversary.

It made the WS batty. He felt like he was under attack. So between him stressed (of his own making) and with a crazy paranoid OW who enjoyed freaking him out, he even got to the brink of tears a few times.

Still, the WS in him became hardened and his soul was slipping away. frown

My advice is to forward what mail you don't need to keep. He needs to own his consequences.

jmo,
Orchid


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Re: Not divorce yet but Husband is now engaged [Re: 2close] #440775
01/15/19 02:14 PM
01/15/19 02:14 PM
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I would mark each piece of mail with RETURN TO SENDER and place them back in the mailbox for the postal worker to pick up. He will then start getting called by all the people and be forced to address it.

Why he does it? Cos he's a weak POS.

Re: Not divorce yet but Husband is now engaged [Re: 2close] #440776
01/15/19 02:49 PM
01/15/19 02:49 PM
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The question is how much you want to tick him off before the divorce is finalized.

I would be tempted to have your lawyer formally inform his lawyer that mail is being received at your address, that you will as a courtesy to stbx hold any mail received for 30 days so that stbx can pick it up at YOUR (not his) convenience (maybe you get a plastic container and leave the mail outside your door),, that you will dispose of any mail not claimed within 30 days, and that stbx should update his residence address to whatever is currently correct.

Once the divorce is finalized, I would definitely start doing the return to sender. Or do it now and laugh when stbx complains.


Solutions? There are none. There are decisions.
Re: Not divorce yet but Husband is now engaged [Re: 2close] #440777
01/16/19 01:52 AM
01/16/19 01:52 AM
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Does he have a key to your house? Im hoping he cannot come and go any time he pleases.

I would second the suggestion to mark the mail "Return to Sender" also unless you are legally required to babysit his mail. Having worked at the U.S. Postal Service, I would suggest you write both:

Not at this Adress
Return to Sender

Re: Not divorce yet but Husband is now engaged [Re: holdingontoit] #440784
01/16/19 02:33 PM
01/16/19 02:33 PM
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Oh I like that idea about my lawyer sending his lawyer a letter. His lawyer charges him and charges him big for every little thing like emails sent, letters, phone calls, ect. He charges for just everything. S2bx's lawyer is so known to line his pockets.... mine does not. His lawyer even prolonged the divorce proceedings to get as much as he can out of it. I use to inform him that he has mail here and he would come over to retrieve it but he no longer contacts me after I called him out on something a few months ago which I am sure the OW is thrilled about. He will eventually have to contact me with the listing contract to sell the house ends and we are to file our taxes jointly as well. Once this all starts I'm sure the OW isn't going to be to happy and I'm sure will become threaten and I'm sure the leash is going to only get shorter. So the up coming months are going to be a little interesting. But thanks for that idea...so love it!

Re: Not divorce yet but Husband is now engaged [Re: Orchid2] #440785
01/16/19 02:35 PM
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He will be paying the consequences some of the mail being set here are bills and they are requesting payment.

Re: Not divorce yet but Husband is now engaged [Re: Blair] #440786
01/16/19 02:49 PM
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Yes he has a key still allowed being he is 1/2 owner but he does not come in when I am not here. In the past when he did come over it was only when I was home and I told him he had to call first. Then he knocks until I answer. Also I'm sure he knows that some mail is coming here, all he has to do is contact me and ask and he can retrieve it. Also all he has to do is ask our daughter and she can even get it to him. He may not do this for the OW isn't welcomed and he is not allowed to go anywhere without the OW along. So there is a few ways.

Re: Not divorce yet but Husband is now engaged [Re: 2close] #440792
01/16/19 08:37 PM
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The OW doesn't like being restricted but that's her problem not yours. You are certainly entitled to determine who is welcomed to your home, when and how is not.

OW's of this sort have marking instincts and don't like to be told no. Let her squirm in that muddle.

Just take care of your business as needed. The WS will have to deal with the fact that he choose to be with a squirming muddler. LOL!!!!


Orchid
Re: Not divorce yet but Husband is now engaged [Re: 2close] #440793
01/16/19 10:44 PM
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Please have your attorney request exclusive use of the marital home immediately.

Re: Not divorce yet but Husband is now engaged [Re: Blair] #440795
01/17/19 12:00 AM
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If you have safety concerns (i.e. OW with questionable background or threats to the safety of your family, home and yourself), you can request that your attorney use that as part of the request for exclusive use of your home and put in protective orders as needed.

This may sound like nothing but it can quickly escalate into a serious matter if the OW is possessive and insane. I dealt with one of those kinds of OWs. Not all are like that but your H seems to have hooked onto a real winner.

If you are located in the Bay Are of CA, hm......I know crazy OW who went after younger middle age men and she was/is crazy. eek She prided herself on preying on younger men. She would send her body parts via email. Her email provider shut down her multiple emails she setup as a result. Seems somebody kept reporting her offensive emails. wink


Orchid
Re: Not divorce yet but Husband is now engaged [Re: Orchid2] #440816
01/17/19 05:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Orchid2
hm......I know crazy OW who went after younger middle age men and she was/is crazy. eek She prided herself on preying on younger men. She would send her body parts via email. Her email provider shut down her multiple emails she setup as a result. Seems somebody kept reporting her offensive emails. wink




sounds like my husband's OW lol makes you wonder what they are thinking, most likley not at all. But how low, if they have to resort to that to get the attention of the men. Makes me almost feel sorry for them.

Re: Not divorce yet but Husband is now engaged [Re: Hope4us] #440818
01/17/19 07:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Hope4us
....sounds like my husband's OW lol makes you wonder what they are thinking, most likley not at all. But how low, if they have to resort to that to get the attention of the men. Makes me almost feel sorry for them.



There's no logic, it's a flawed personality that is out to bring failure and doom on others. If the OP is the aggressor, the WS is the one who has been conned.

Don't feel sorry for that OW. They will sniff out and use any feelings of sympathy or support they can get to fuel their greed and selfish entitlement attitude.


Orchid
Re: Not divorce yet but Husband is now engaged [Re: 2close] #440923
01/26/19 08:14 PM
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Divorce now finalized.... don't think now X knows as of yet.
So anyway we were hit by a huge storm last week so I had every intention of using the snow thrower that I had purchase to clear out the driveway since last winter we had tons of snow that I was forced to shovel which the X use to plow out. my X decided to come over to plow the top driveway out where I park my car. I don't understand why he felt the need to do this all of a sudden since he has not been concerned with it since moving in with the OW. I think maybe he was looking for an excuse and with his actions of what he did while plowing out the driveway may wanted to talk or get me to come out? I heard a noise so looked out the kitchen window to see what the noise was to see the X plowing the driveway out. I was really surprise that he actually came over to in the first place. Also being I have a bird line to the OW's home I also witnessed her keeping a watch on him as he did this but of course. The expression the X had was a look of a little boy who was doing something wrong and seemed so beaten down...lost in a way. As he proceed to do this I went back to watching TV. anyway after awhile has passed he was towards the back of the house a long side my car and by the window. I went up stairs to look out the bedroom window that sit right above the driveway. I was looking down to see how far he got and to see how close he was to my car to see he may have got to close and hit it. As I was looking down at him KF he was just sitting there in front of the window then he started riving up the Quad. there was no reason or cause of doing this, he just sat there riving it up and to it full compacity. As I stood there looking down at him from the upstairs window he continued riving up the quad then saw him stand up leaning towards the house trying to look into window. I started laughing to myself and was like WTF? I again think he was either trying to get me to come out possibly to [Bleep!] at him for this (in the passed I would have just done that) or just trying to get me to come out so to talk to him. He finally gave up on this attempt when I did not comply and just left back over to the OW's house.
I just don't get it other than he's messed up in the head?... do you?

Re: Not divorce yet but Husband is now engaged [Re: 2close] #440924
01/26/19 08:25 PM
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Hi 2C,

Thanks for your update. It is weird that he acts this way and makes you feel like he is expecting you (aka: goading you) into coming out to him. He thinks he can manipulate you in a way that he gets the attention he seeks (for whatever reason) without being accountable for it (so the OW can't blame him). Typical manipulator tactic, very WS of him.

You were smart to just take note of it but not take the bait. His time of regret may just be starting. wink

jmo,
Orchid


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Re: Not divorce yet but Husband is now engaged [Re: 2close] #440926
01/27/19 12:31 AM
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Orchid is right. Excellent job of not responding to his nonsense.

Re: Not divorce yet but Husband is now engaged [Re: Orchid2] #440931
01/27/19 01:20 PM
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Mom called a little later and told her on what he did and told her I was going to text him to thank him for plowing out the driveway.
Mom said wait until he was back in the house when you know the OW would of course see the text. I told her no for it would be mostly be interrupted that I was either instigating or being a sarcastic B***h and that I refuse to give OW fuel to fill the X to turn it around on me.
I need to start communicating with him again for things coming up that will need to be address and discussed.
So I decided to text him the following day while he was at work knowing that the OW would not be around.
I waited until a little later after noon.

I texted plain and simple... Hey "X's name" just wanted to say thanks for plowing out the driveway.
He texted me right back which I was really surprise that he did... with a.... No Problem.

I did not text him anything further just left it as that.

Like I said I need to start up communications with him and I figure this will be a good start to do so.

Also X has a lot of communication with our daughter and still hasn't mentioned the engagement nor neither the OW who had a few opportunities to do so.
Daughter has not said anything as well and I think the X thinks we are none the wiser.










Last edited by 2close; 01/27/19 01:26 PM. Reason: needed to add
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