Who's Online Now
3 registered members (holdingontoit, 2 invisible), 10 guests, and 36 spiders.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Nonprofit Donations
2018 Campaign Meter
ProgressGoal
$360.00 
$2000
Paypal Donation to MA
 Trending Topics(Posts)
1.WuD? - Moving on.19
2.Not divorce yet but Husband is now engaged16
3.I'm learning to talk12
4.Am I still a doormat?11
5.HELP NEEDED - 2 Month post finding out about WH emotional affair6
6.My Gratitude Journal3
7.Learning about life from life........1
8.Welcome Aboard, New Members!1
9.Working on migration problem0
10.Accounting of What Happened With GoDaddy0
*By replies in last 2 weeks.
In The Media(Posts)
These Are The Signs You're Dating A Narcissist3
Girlfriend's 'controlling' list of 22 rules for boyfriend goes viral: 'She sounds crazy'9
What Divorced Men Wish They Had Done Differently In Their Marriages7
Alienation of Affection / Criminal Conversation5
Would you pay your ex a 'break-up fee'? - BBC3
Delaware is now first US state to fully ban child marriage - CBS3
Nashville mayor resigns after affair, pleads guilty to theft2
7 Things Kids Need To Do For Themselves Before They Turn 13 - Healthyway1
When Is Porn Use a Problem? - Psychology Today2
14 Things To Never Post About Your Relationship On Social Media - FashionBeans1
more >>
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
i married a sex addict #439699
11/10/18 09:28 PM
11/10/18 09:28 PM
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 18
N
newtoy815 Offline OP
New Member
newtoy815  Offline OP
New Member
N
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 18
wow, I haven't said that out loud yet. i'm still processing the situation and I don't really know what to do with it.

let me start at the beginning. my husband and I have been together 21 years, married for 14. we have an 11 year old son. this is my second time on this site. I found you about 2 years ago when I was reeling from what I thought was an emotional affair. all I had were naked pictures of him and a video of him masturbating and saying her name on his phone's could storage.
he claimed nothing physical happened, swore on everything, We tried marriage counseling and didn't go for very long and I got the promises I wanted to hear. my husband got a job offer in another state so we moved to another state. now, in my defense we now live 20 minutes from my mother so I have some support but I did give up everything I had before, friends, family, etc.

we have lived in this new state for about a year and a half and honestly things were good for a while. he started to go back the workaholic ways with the 24 hour a day messages or checking of emails from "work" I asked what is going on. oh its nothing but I'm the boss and have a business to run. I continued to have doubts but had no proof unlike the last time. so , as you guessed he got better at covering his tracks.


the day before yesterday he came home early to tell me that he was asked to resign his job due to "an inappropriate relationship with a coworker". apparently, he was caught having sex with her at work. not sure of any more details but i really don't need them. he said he has a problem and that he cant handle it himself and needs help. i asked who it was with and he didnt want to tell me anything. stonewalling again. I guessed who it was and he admitted it but said its not about her, its not about me. its his sickness and he wants to get help for it.

I didn't really react, I remained calm and logged into the insurance database to find him a listing of counselors. I told him I hope he gets the help he needs. began going thro the finances to cancel what can be considered frivolous expenses and hope that what I make and savings can get us thru until he finds antoher job. i'm still making lists and checking things off. he is still here because we cannot afford a lengthy stay in a hotel and don't know anyone other than my mom and he's obviously not welcome there. he's been sleeping on the couch. I told him maybe he would be more comfortable in the guest room or the room above the garage that we are having finished. I don't want to make any decisions right now. I am working on finding a therapist to talk to because I very clearly have some issues to work thru. I have scheduled an appointment with my doctor for std screenings because of course he wouldn't be considerate enough to use a condom. I have the names of a couple of divorce attorneys in the area but I haven't called them because I don't know if I want to go down that avenue.

i'm working on my support system like I said I just moved here so I don't have any friends. my mom found out about it because they worked together. I've talked to her some but its hard. my best friend who lives a thousand miles away knows but she's a thousand miles away.

ive had 2 sleepless nights, a panic attack and some tears. its tense here but we're trying to keep things as close to normal as possible. my son does not know anything about it and i'd like to keep him protected and to have as minimal of an impact as possible on him. i know that may not be realistic. i'm just not sure what else to do. he went to counseling already. started yesterday and has another meeting next week. he claims he told the woman that he could not have any contact with her.

Re: i married a sex addict [Re: newtoy815] #439700
11/10/18 09:34 PM
11/10/18 09:34 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 10,272
HI
O
Orchid2 Offline
Ambassador
Orchid2  Offline
Ambassador
O
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 10,272
HI
NT815,

Welcome to MA, again. smile .

Sorry you have to be here. It is a hard story that you have provided and we will work to help provide you support in addition to what you have already established.

You have outlined some good steps (counseling and STD testing plus budgeting for the worse). It is sad that your WS has chosen to risk all but the fact that he can admit his problem (addiction) there is a chance he can recover.

For now, you should finish working on yourself and preparing your family for downsizing with adjusted financial changes. Are you working and can your home be moved out of control of your H so that he can't be sued? Meet with a good lawyer, ASAP.

Your H may need to go to a type of rehab clinic if his addiction is deemed serious. Did he have any other addictive habits?

Take care,
Orchid


Orchid
Re: i married a sex addict [Re: newtoy815] #439701
11/10/18 10:33 PM
11/10/18 10:33 PM
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 18
N
newtoy815 Offline OP
New Member
newtoy815  Offline OP
New Member
N
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 18
Hi Orchid, thank you for your kind welcome. i appreciate the feedback and advice. its great to have family and friends to talk to but honestly, its more important to have advice from people that can relate and have been in your situation.

I still work for the same company i did before the big move. fortunately, I can work from anywhere with a phone and internet. my income alone maybe covers the bare essentials so it will be tight until he is making money again. we do have some savings as well so hopefully that is the least of our worries.
i plan on working on myself. if it took anything away last time it was to do that. i certainly cant take care of my son if i don't take care of me.
wow, i didn't think about the possibility of a lawsuit. I mean I guess I did but it was in the warning him to watch the boundaries and not cross any lines with any coworkers. because of course i did that but i didn't think it would really happen. i will certainly contact a lawyer so that i can at least know what next steps need to be taken so that i can protect myself and my son. thank you for that.
i saw info on the rehab clinics and the 12 step meetings. he really only had his initial meeting and the therapist thinks that they can put together a plan that will help. in full disclosure, he did have one other recreational habit that "he could stop anytime if he wanted to" but never wanted to. i hope for his sake that he admits it to his therapist and can move on from it.
i have said that i haven't made any decisions about the future of our relationship. i told him that i hope he gets help and that everyone will get thru this but i don't know if "we" survive this. i wanted to be clear about that especially since i didn't kick him out right away as he expected i would. i have been very calm and try to be understanding but i have also told him that while he is fixing him that i will be working on myself. i have researched sex addiction to try to understand. he keeps telling me its not about me and i know his actions were not about me but it is now. i have tried to explain that he made it about me when his actions caused him to lose his job. that he moved us to a pretty remote area for this job and now he will have to find a new job where there aren't many options. his responses are always the same that he is sorry but he didn't make a conscious choice to do this.

Re: i married a sex addict [Re: newtoy815] #439702
11/10/18 10:43 PM
11/10/18 10:43 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 10,272
HI
O
Orchid2 Offline
Ambassador
Orchid2  Offline
Ambassador
O
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 10,272
HI
Well it's a start but as you can see, he is still in some sort of denial and wants others or even a non-existent entity to take the blame. Until that is sorted out, progress or recovery can't be in play. Y? Because it tends to lead to false recovery. That never works and can be costly at so many levels.

Still let him work this through with the help of others and you be there observing, for now. Y? Because a WS tends to use and abuse the BS and family if allowed to.

Like mine told me during his raging A, 'as long as you take care of stuff (house, finances, child care, etc.), I (WS) could do this forever.' How bold was that? Well it was at the time, the truth. For me to keep up with our obligations, did to some point include enabling the A unless he wasn't allowed to live with our family. That is what happened for a while but in my case because he choose not to continue with therapy he never fully recovered and now we are separated after many years of false recovery.

If you can avoid that kind of experience it would be best. Glad that you can cover your expenses. Just make sure he doesn't use that as his crutch.

Keep posting, others will chime in. wink

Take care,
Orchid


Orchid
Re: i married a sex addict [Re: newtoy815] #439703
11/10/18 11:33 PM
11/10/18 11:33 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 20,040
catperson Offline
Member
catperson  Offline
Member
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 20,040
What makes you think he's a sex addict?

Re: i married a sex addict [Re: catperson] #439705
11/11/18 12:21 AM
11/11/18 12:21 AM
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 18
N
newtoy815 Offline OP
New Member
newtoy815  Offline OP
New Member
N
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 18
He claims to be one and he told me his therapist is confirming it. He has just started therapy and i am not going with him so i cant verify anything.
Hes lied about everything else for 21 years so he may be lying about this so i don't kick him out on the street.

Re: i married a sex addict [Re: newtoy815] #439706
11/11/18 01:08 AM
11/11/18 01:08 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 3,960
B
Blair Offline
Member
Blair  Offline
Member
B
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 3,960
Welcome to Marriage Advocates. I'm sorry you have a reason to be here because of your H. It sounds like you have had to deal with lies, misuse of finances, cover-ups, rug-sweeping, and gas-lighting.

It is interesting that CatPerson has asked you how you know your husband is a sex addict. Many times a man caught in affair will claim he is a sex addict, but it is just one facet of the behavior of the affair that he is engaging in. He will choose risky behavior (including having sex at work) because the affair is so entrenched.

Unless he fits most if not all of the other items on the list of a sex addict, I think it's just a way to excuse his risky behavior. You need a little more research on sex addicts and how they react. For example, was he getting sex from you 5-10 times a day? Or an average of twice per week? Did he become violent during sex the past few years? You don't need to answer these questions here on the forum; they are simply for you to gather information.

You also need more information about his affair (or affairs), how much money has been funding them, and whether he was actually fired instead of him resigning. If he was fired, he (and you) may be sued for sexual harassment. Because he has opened the possibility of financial ruin, you need full disclosure from your H immediately.

Re: i married a sex addict [Re: newtoy815] #439713
11/11/18 03:20 PM
11/11/18 03:20 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 20,040
catperson Offline
Member
catperson  Offline
Member
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 20,040
Exactly. Men want sex. Period. They always want sex, generally. They have a physical - not just mental - drive to have sex. It leads them to do a lot of things. It leads a lot of them to cheat, just so they can have MORE sex. But that doesn't make them a sex addict. Just a selfish guy who's willing to disrespect his wife by getting more on the side. I know a ton of them, I know a guy who, the day after his marriage, pulled a coworker out behind their work building and screwed her. He wasn't a sex addict, just a selfish jerk.

And the fact that your husband has jumped on the 'I couldn't help it!' defense right off the bat tells me you just have a garden-variety selfish husband. And even among really great guys, some just were brought up to believe men get to have more than one woman. I know many of them, too.

I also am suspect that a professional therapist would agree with your husband when he has only just started, without knowing enough about him. That's not professional. Unless your husband gave him MANY MORE examples of him having sex. Because that's the definition of a sex addict - someone who has such a strong desire to have sex that he ditches work to go have it, does it in compromising places where he'll get caught, loses jobs because he's putting sex ahead of work, and so on. In a sex addict, he truly can't help himself and he'll put himself at risk, over and over, to get it, with anyone who will do it. And will expect sex from his wife every single day of the year, often multiple times a day. Is that happening?

Re: i married a sex addict [Re: newtoy815] #439722
11/11/18 09:58 PM
11/11/18 09:58 PM
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 18
N
newtoy815 Offline OP
New Member
newtoy815  Offline OP
New Member
N
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 18
thank you, I will do more research on sex addiction so that I can understand it better. it is entirely possible he came up with the sex addiction as an excuse. he could have googled all of the signs and is now just saying i have xyz. i don't know. i don't know this man that i spent my entire adult life with.
no he did not expect sex every day. there were times that i would try to initiate and he wouldn't be interested. hell, there were times that we would be in the process of having sex and would lose his erection. i know, they say its not about me but its really hard to believe that.
when we met he had a stash of porn he tried hiding. I've walked in on him watching porn before, I've walked in on him masturbating before. I've suspected affairs before or at least "inappropriate" behavior. doesnt matter that he called, texted, emailed or video chats with other women. he denies denies denies. he was literally caught with a video of his dick in his hand masturbating saying another girls name and i was waiting for him to say that wasn't him. i think he's a compulsive liar. he claims he cant help it.
could he have been having sex with multiple women every day - I DONT KNOW! he did behave in a risky way by having sex at his work place with a coworker. of course he didn't think he would get caught but he did. he lost his job. we may lose our house. she could sue him and we could lose everything.
like i said, he's not giving me any details. he claims his therapist is calling it HSD. he also has some sort of detachment disorder. i don't know. i don't believe most of what he says. please don't think i'm that gullible. i'm just trying to sift thru what he's saying.

Re: i married a sex addict [Re: newtoy815] #439723
11/11/18 10:44 PM
11/11/18 10:44 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 10,272
HI
O
Orchid2 Offline
Ambassador
Orchid2  Offline
Ambassador
O
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 10,272
HI
Legally, go see if you can take over all the assets (home, bank accounts, etc.) and do a separation or even divorce to ensure you don't get your home taken from you. A lawyer can guide you through that matter.

That's legal, then you have to decide whether you want to be married to him or not. For that a good counselor and a good mature support group can help.

Post here for suggestions as to direction and options to consider as you define your personal and marital boundaries so you know how to move forward.


Orchid
Re: i married a sex addict [Re: newtoy815] #439724
11/11/18 10:48 PM
11/11/18 10:48 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 20,040
catperson Offline
Member
catperson  Offline
Member
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 20,040
All of which is why we say he is most likely not a sex addict. And men who use a lot of porn very often have trouble with erections with their wives.

Re: i married a sex addict [Re: newtoy815] #439725
11/12/18 01:51 AM
11/12/18 01:51 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 3,960
B
Blair Offline
Member
Blair  Offline
Member
B
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 3,960
Unless he is fully tested by a certified sex addiction specialist, I would not be agreeing with his so-called therapist. Since he hasn't signed a consent form for you to know what is going on during their session, you don't know. And you can trust what he's telling you either.

The week my then-H left, he was having sex with me 3-4 times day. I was physically exhausted because he required full body massages afterward too. He became violent during sex too, most likely in an attempt to act out porn he had been watching. But it wasn't enough. He then sought out multiple partners of both genders. His appetite for sex was insatiable.

My personal experience is why I mention your H is probably just using the "sex addict" explanation but he doesn't seem to want to truly change and get a real diagnosis. It seems like he wants to rug-sweep and get on with life like nothing happened all over again.

You do need to see a lawyer about protecting you from potential lawsuits. You need to know whether he was fired or if he resigned. How soon can you get in to see several experienced "bulldog" attorneys?

Re: i married a sex addict [Re: newtoy815] #439729
11/12/18 11:59 AM
11/12/18 11:59 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 8,562
NewEveryDay Offline
Advocate
NewEveryDay  Offline
Advocate
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 8,562
Newtoy, sex addiction or not, we treat infidelity pretty much the same. You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it. But there’s a lot you can do to try to kill an active affair, including exposing the affair to family that will support you in this process and to OWH, and sending OW a no contact letter that clearly says the affair was a mistake and he is rebuilding his marriage. Have you read the articles on infidelity here? Any ideas you found you want to put in action?

Exactly like an addiction, you want to find what situations made the affair possible, and eliminate those. Sometimes the WS clings to a workspace with the OW, so your marriage is a step beyond that already.


"I have everything I need." and "I am exactly where I am supposed to be." ~Louise Hays
Re: i married a sex addict [Re: Blair] #439731
11/12/18 01:53 PM
11/12/18 01:53 PM
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 9,685
S
SmilingWife Offline
Global Moderator
SmilingWife  Offline
Global Moderator
S
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 9,685
Originally Posted by Blair
Unless he is fully tested by a certified sex addiction specialist, I would not be agreeing with his so-called therapist. Since he hasn't signed a consent form for you to know what is going on during their session, you don't know. And you can trust what he's telling you either.

The week my then-H left, he was having sex with me 3-4 times day. I was physically exhausted because he required full body massages afterward too. He became violent during sex too, most likely in an attempt to act out porn he had been watching. But it wasn't enough. He then sought out multiple partners of both genders. His appetite for sex was insatiable.

My personal experience is why I mention your H is probably just using the "sex addict" explanation but he doesn't seem to want to truly change and get a real diagnosis. It seems like he wants to rug-sweep and get on with life like nothing happened all over again.

You do need to see a lawyer about protecting you from potential lawsuits. You need to know whether he was fired or if he resigned. How soon can you get in to see several experienced "bulldog" attorneys?


I am so sorry Blair. I don’t say that to you enough.

OP, are you leaning toward divorce since he appears to be a serial cheater?

Last edited by SmilingWife; 11/13/18 02:10 AM.
Re: i married a sex addict [Re: newtoy815] #439741
11/13/18 12:27 AM
11/13/18 12:27 AM
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 18
N
newtoy815 Offline OP
New Member
newtoy815  Offline OP
New Member
N
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 18
I have not met with an attorney yet. This all just happened and i have std testing and a therapist scheduled for tomorrow. Ive looked into some of the laws in our state if we do divorce and even an uncontested divorce is a lengthy process. I dohave 2 names of lawyers on my list to call.
He is a serial cheater and even though he is refusing to give me any details i have to protect myself.
I originally didnt want to make any decisions about divorce. He asked me what i want. Well obviously i want this all to have not happened but now that it has....i need some therapy. I am leaning towards divorce. I dont see how i can get past this with him.
I am confident i can get over it without him.
I know it wont be easy. I know i wont always be strong but i have to try. Its not just me im being strong for. I have a child that i need to raise into a respectable young man

Re: i married a sex addict [Re: newtoy815] #439742
11/13/18 12:34 AM
11/13/18 12:34 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 20,040
catperson Offline
Member
catperson  Offline
Member
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 20,040
"he is refusing to give me any details"

That - right there - is all I need to hear.

If I were you I would be FURIOUS, scorched-earth furious.

When I married my H 40 years ago, I told him that if I EVER caught him cheating, he would never see me again. And I meant it. And he knew it. I asked him a couple years ago why he never cheated, despite MANY opportunities. Know what he told me? That he remembered that warning I gave him and he was too afraid to lose me to ever take a chance.

File. Tomorrow

And guess what happens when you raise a young man with a father who cheats WITH NO CONSEQUENCES? He grows up to be a cheater..

Re: i married a sex addict [Re: newtoy815] #439798
11/14/18 08:28 PM
11/14/18 08:28 PM
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 18
N
newtoy815 Offline OP
New Member
newtoy815  Offline OP
New Member
N
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 18
i want to be angry. i want to yell and scream and throw things and do all of that. I really do. instead I feel nothing. I feel empty. I have never been this calm in the past. my therapist tells me to not make any decisions until im thinking clearly. she agrees with him that details wont help me to get past it. I need to know for me but I guess how much am I going to compromise myself. I told him I woudlnt tolerate cheating either.
I dated a cheater before I met my husband. we dated maybe 2 years, I don't even think that long. husband and I were friends at the time and do you know who was there to pick up the pieces. he came over to check on me and got me to stop playing the sappy music, to stop crying all the time and reminded me to shower, to eat, to go on living. he saw that wreck of a girl, promised he would never hurt her and guess what. he did.

Re: i married a sex addict [Re: newtoy815] #439813
11/14/18 11:58 PM
11/14/18 11:58 PM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 3,960
B
Blair Offline
Member
Blair  Offline
Member
B
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 3,960
You are probably feeling numb right now, and your anger hasn't come out yet. It will eventually come out.

Read up on affairs and the abuse they are. In the meantime, make sure you eat right and drink enough water. Take up running or kickboxing (or something similar) to work off the anger when it hits.

Re: i married a sex addict [Re: newtoy815] #439817
11/15/18 12:24 AM
11/15/18 12:24 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 20,040
catperson Offline
Member
catperson  Offline
Member
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 20,040
If your therapist is siding with him about rugsweeping the affair, you need a new therapist - one who actually KNOWS about dealing with cheating. Your therapist should be focusing instead on helping YOU get what you need: respect, honesty, and fair treatment. Ask your therapist why she isn't dealing with this. Tell her what we said.

Your numbness is your mind's FLIGHT from distress: it 'coats' your brain with numbness until your subconscious can deal with it. And we're not telling you to go berserk and beat someone or something. We're telling you to USE your healthy, rightful anger at what he did to you, and focus that anger into making your life better.

Re: i married a sex addict [Re: newtoy815] #439825
11/15/18 01:44 PM
11/15/18 01:44 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 8,562
NewEveryDay Offline
Advocate
NewEveryDay  Offline
Advocate
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 8,562
I agree with cat, there is a great deal of information on how to recover, and if you don’t make yourself aware of it, and you put your trust in someone with a method that will make you more vulnerable later, then you aren’t giving your marriage the information it needs to survive, much less become a thriving one. Have you read the articles here? There are resource books too, like Surviving an Affair.

It’s a shame that your therapist is so misinformed and doesn’t give you the support you need to find out the truth about your life so you can make informed decisions. You mentioned your H is a serial cheater, the path back is very narrow.


"I have everything I need." and "I am exactly where I am supposed to be." ~Louise Hays
Re: i married a sex addict [Re: newtoy815] #440058
11/25/18 03:32 PM
11/25/18 03:32 PM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 3,960
B
Blair Offline
Member
Blair  Offline
Member
B
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 3,960
How are you doing, NewToy? We haven't heard from you in a while. Did your holiday week go well? Any behavior improvements from your H or triggers because of meeting with extended family?

Re: i married a sex addict [Re: newtoy815] #440390
12/05/18 05:14 PM
12/05/18 05:14 PM
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 18
N
newtoy815 Offline OP
New Member
newtoy815  Offline OP
New Member
N
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 18
hi Blair, thanks for checking in. the holiday was strange. the only family we had over was my mom who knows about the affair and while she didn't say anything it certainly was very stressful. its now a month since D day. he's still looking for a job, hes still going to therapy. I've met with my therapist a couple of times. we decided he would move into the little inlaw suite we have over our garage. its better than having him take up space on the couch. i think it would be healthier for us to both have space and wont add any additional financial stress to the situation.
.
the numb feeling I mentioned has gone. I have spent the last week crying. i'm trying my best every day to hold it together so my son doesn't ask me why im sad or where my happy voice is. I know therapy is a process but other than an outlet for me to vent my frustration i'm not sure what I want out of it.
I feel alone and it terrifies me. I will look into books on recovery. thank you for the suggestions

Re: i married a sex addict [Re: newtoy815] #440392
12/05/18 09:25 PM
12/05/18 09:25 PM
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 9,685
S
SmilingWife Offline
Global Moderator
SmilingWife  Offline
Global Moderator
S
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 9,685
I am sorry. Believe me I know how difficult it is to divorce even when you know you are divorcing a liar who keeps cheating. I was married to my first husband for 26 years.

It took me putting a keylogger on his computer to really truly get how much of a liar he was. When I saw enough evidence with my own eyes that he could not dispute I was then able to gather enough strength to divorce him.

What have you told your 11 year old?

Re: i married a sex addict [Re: newtoy815] #440393
12/06/18 12:29 AM
12/06/18 12:29 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 3,960
B
Blair Offline
Member
Blair  Offline
Member
B
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 3,960
I'm so sorry. You will feel better over time as you heal. Without your H fully owning what he did and including you in his therapy with full disclosure on everything, there wasn't much you could do.

Does your pastor know? Do you have other moms nearby who can pick up your DS from school/activities if necessary? You need a support group IRL too, even if it is meeting for coffee once a week to chat.

Re: i married a sex addict [Re: newtoy815] #440394
12/06/18 12:29 AM
12/06/18 12:29 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 3,960
B
Blair Offline
Member
Blair  Offline
Member
B
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 3,960
Please find an age-appropriate way to tell DS what is happening and why.

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3

Moderated by  Chrysalis, Fiddler, Miranda 

Newest Members
Ianmc222, George, Mark_Itzero, Ozymandius, tryingmybest
2024 Registered Users
Latest Topics(Posts)
Not divorce yet but Husband is now engaged16
Learning about life from life........1
What makes me sad...... :(11
Dealing With Negative Emotions3
To laugh or not to laugh.......1
i married a sex addict56
These Are The Signs You're Dating A Narcissist3
This may not belong here but198
WS Bound!9
A Changing of the Guard3
Community Information
2024Members
1Penalty Box
6Suspended

42

Forums
8449Topics
458285Posts
 
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.1.1
(Release build 20180111)
Page Time: 0.027s Queries: 15 (0.005s) Memory: 3.3719 MB (Peak: 3.7390 MB) Zlib enabled in php.ini Server Time: 2019-01-16 15:54:31 UTC