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What Divorced Men Wish They Had Done Differently In Their Marriages #438354
09/08/18 03:53 AM
09/08/18 03:53 AM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,204
Monterey, CA
Fiddler Offline OP
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Fiddler  Offline OP
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Monterey, CA


"Grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know that one is me."
Re: What Divorced Men Wish They Had Done Differently In Their Marriages [Re: Fiddler] #439752
11/13/18 04:03 PM
11/13/18 04:03 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,282
PEEKSKILL NY
Rich57 Offline
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Rich57  Offline
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PEEKSKILL NY
10 years later and still nothing that they wrote applies to me.

I am happy again and glad that MA is still here.

Re: What Divorced Men Wish They Had Done Differently In Their Marriages [Re: Rich57] #439836
11/15/18 04:26 PM
11/15/18 04:26 PM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,117
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Fergie Offline
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Fergie  Offline
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Posts: 1,117
When these guys say things like, "While divorce was the right choice for us in hindsight..." and "I doubt it would have changed the eventual outcome..." and "It may not have lasted anyway...", they can't have that much regret.

Why regret making a different choice when it wouldn't have made any difference? Stupid.

Plus, it assumes the other person is operating in good faith or even just at the top of their game, which is rarely true.

Eight years out and I have zero regrets. None. Could I have done things differently? Sure. But I don't have access to the alternate reality to see what that got my alternate self. Perhaps the correct choice would have been to never marry her at all.

These guys are automatically disregarding the option that being divorced *is* the better choice.

Re: What Divorced Men Wish They Had Done Differently In Their Marriages [Re: Fergie] #439838
11/15/18 04:40 PM
11/15/18 04:40 PM
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 10,041
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SmilingWife Offline
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SmilingWife  Offline
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Originally Posted by Fergie
When these guys say things like, "While divorce was the right choice for us in hindsight..." and "I doubt it would have changed the eventual outcome..." and "It may not have lasted anyway...", they can't have that much regret.

Why regret making a different choice when it wouldn't have made any difference? Stupid.

Plus, it assumes the other person is operating in good faith or even just at the top of their game, which is rarely true.

Eight years out and I have zero regrets. None. Could I have done things differently? Sure. But I don't have access to the alternate reality to see what that got my alternate self. Perhaps the correct choice would have been to never marry her at all.

These guys are automatically disregarding the option that being divorced *is* the better choice.


And all of the regretful divorced men....it really just depends where they are in their current life. Things are great now? No regrets. My life is in the toilet, my children hate me, my Xwife that I divorced married a millionaire? Yeah, I am sorry I ever divorced her.

My Xh has expressed very very real regret at his affair. And losing daily access to his son. And losing me. And half of his assets. But life goes on and now 9 years down the road we both have new lives. I know I am happy. I wish my son's FOO wasn't broken but I can't change that.

Re: What Divorced Men Wish They Had Done Differently In Their Marriages [Re: SmilingWife] #439845
11/15/18 06:53 PM
11/15/18 06:53 PM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,117
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Fergie Offline
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Fergie  Offline
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Posts: 1,117
Many things in life are "Monkey Traps". Many things people do in marriage are related to their monkey traps. My xW's monkey trap was her career. For me, it was the marriage, but not necessarily my wife. Maybe for these guys their wives were their monkey traps. Maybe they are confusing their marriage for their wives. I don't know.

What I do know, it is just patently absurd to automatically assume that if only they would have held on more tightly, they could have gotten what they desired...

Re: What Divorced Men Wish They Had Done Differently In Their Marriages [Re: Fiddler] #439846
11/15/18 07:54 PM
11/15/18 07:54 PM
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 10,041
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SmilingWife Offline
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SmilingWife  Offline
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Fergie I have never heard that expression....Monkey Trap.

Re: What Divorced Men Wish They Had Done Differently In Their Marriages [Re: SmilingWife] #439847
11/15/18 08:04 PM
11/15/18 08:04 PM
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 10,041
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SmilingWife Offline
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SmilingWife  Offline
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Originally Posted by SmilingWife
Fergie I have never heard that expression....Monkey Trap.



Oh never mind. I know it.


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