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I have caught my wife cheating... #425961
07/09/17 06:52 AM
07/09/17 06:52 AM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 2
J
JBPete72 Offline OP
New Member
JBPete72  Offline OP
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Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 2
I have caught my wife cheating...

We have been married for 21 yr and have three boys 19, 15 and 9. All of my boys are athletic and play sports they keep us very busy. I also enjoy competition BBQ and have a team. My wife really doesn't like to join me when I go to competitions. She doesn't have any sort of hobbies and I really wish she did.

So about 6 weeks ago when I was at a competition about two hours away from home. My youngest son had a baseball game and my wife was in the press box keeping score the game was over about 8:00pm. This is recreational baseball in town and all of my boys have played there for several years so we have meet a lot of people and coaches.

So one coach that we had known for several years and I believe my wife found him attractive. He was married a couple of years ago and his wife and mine were friends untill... She had found a text message that my wife had sent and was talking about pleasuring her self as he was walking away in the parking lot at the ballfield. She (my wife) played it off like it was a joke as she was crying telling me this. And that she couldn't believe how it was blown out of context. The coaches wife had said that it was more than just that one text it was multiple texts. I'm not sure.. Neadless to say the wife's aren't friends any more and the coach isn't married anymore either, they weren't doing very well do to him being unfaithful. So there is a little bit of history and it has been dormant for a couple of years. Untill he decided to join my wife in the press box all alone and I'm sure he talked her into something. My wife returned home after the game and I had talked to her on the phone about 8:30 pm and everyone was tired and going to bed. I had recently activated Google location sharing on maps on her phone not to spy but for convenience I also have it with the kids, I think it's very helpful and accurate. About 10:30 pm I just happened to look at my map on my phone and she wasn't at home. So I called and asked if everyone was home (her and the kids) my oldest would come in late sometimes. She said that she wasn't and that she had gone up to a bar that her brother sometimes goes to sing some karaoke. Well on Google maps she wasn't anywhere near that place. I don't think she remembered that that location sharing was setup on her phone. She didn't know that I was aware of where she was (I knew about where he lived) and I could just tell that she was lying by the way she was talking as she said that she was headed home and it was about 15 min away. I told her to call me when she got home and that was about 45min later. I asked why it took so long to get home she said that she got some gas and saw and old friend and they talked for a while. She had been over at his house for about an hour 9:30 to 10:45.

I just knew something had happened and I wasn't ready to say anything over the phone about it at that time. She and my youngest son left the next morning to go to a baseball turnament out of town couple of hours away where they stayed the weekend with the rest of the team. I was able to get back home from the BBQ competition before she did. My wife wears panty liners in her panties and I knew she would put it in the trash in the bathroom because she thought nobody had any idea what had happened. I would get home before she did and I was able to retrieve it. I didn't hesitate to get a black light and look for evidence. Nothing really showed up on it or her panties. So kept it hidden and she had no idea that I had it. When they returned that Sunday evening I had asked her to walk outside with me and for her to bring her phone. That's when I confronted her about what happened and she went into total denial. I told her that I knew she was lying by the way she was talking to me. I asked her to give me her phone and I pulled up Google maps and showed her in the history as to where she was Friday night. She said that wasn't correct her phone was messing up. I told her Google maps just doesn't mess up and make shinola up... So I looked her strait in the eyes and said your gona tell me that isn't correct! And she said yes. The conversation was over at that point.

We went on for the next 4 - 5 weeks not talking to each other and trying to keep the normal day to day stuff going with the kids. Myself being pissed about what happened I wasn't ready to talk to her or anything it was hard to look her in the face. She is also giving me the silent treatment and she had figured out Google maps and turned the location sharing off.

So this week as we sat around the living room watching TV the kids were outside so I asked why she was acting mad towards me, this is the first time that we started talking obout it again. So she started saying that we don't have anything in common and that we need a break... And I was like what!? Now this whole thing is getting turned around on me! Well! That liner I had put away I finally got enough nerve last week to purchase the Checkmate home siemen test kit. I checked the liner and it was positive kinda weak but positive, we had sex a few nights before so there is a chance that its mine but I doubt it. So I preceded to tell her that I had pulled that out of the trash and had saved it and had it tested and it was positive. She denied that too... I was hoping she would come clean with that type of evidence. I told her that I was going to have it DNA tested and that everyone would know the results and that ithe wold get pretty ugly. I was hoping she would break at this point but she didn't. I think it was close. I'm not about to get blamed for this or if we do get a divorce I have some good evidence that the judge could see who was in the wrong.

So now I'm kind at a holding pattern not sure what the next step should be?

Oh and I'm ready to kick his ass! I would like to call him or text to let him know that I know and have proof and somebody will be by to collect a DNA sample.

I hope this story makes sense I'm not a very good writer and it sure felt good to get it all out on paper..

Last edited by JBPete72; 07/09/17 06:55 AM.
Re: I have caught my wife cheating... [Re: JBPete72] #425964
07/09/17 01:28 PM
07/09/17 01:28 PM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 4,373
B
Blair Offline
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Blair  Offline
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B
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 4,373
Welcome to Marriage Advocates. I'm sorry you have to be here.

Your wife has done things to harm your marriage, and she is most likely gaslighting you about it. But you do not know all of it yet. Most cheating spouses will lie about anything and everything to save themselves from the consequences.

You mentioned the coach's wife had the copies of text messages. Do you have copies of those messages from the OM's wife? Do you also have all of your wife's text messages?

Have you checked out any other electronic devices she uses, including computers, tablets, etc?

The other thing I wanted to mention is that a lot of people forget to eat enough food and drink water. It is also really hard to sleep, so you will need to make time to rest even if you can't sleep as usual. Talk to your doctor about antidepressants if you need help getting through this. Just explain what has been going on and your doc will understand.

Re: I have caught my wife cheating... [Re: Blair] #425975
07/09/17 05:37 PM
07/09/17 05:37 PM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 2
J
JBPete72 Offline OP
New Member
JBPete72  Offline OP
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J
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 2
Thanks Blair

Don't really have any text messages and I searched the phone records on the bill and they didn't have any communication between each other. So this may have been a one time thing or the start of something new.

Re: I have caught my wife cheating... [Re: JBPete72] #425978
07/09/17 06:14 PM
07/09/17 06:14 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,333
Ace Offline
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Ace  Offline
Advocate
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,333
Hello and welcome to MA,

So sorry you have the need to find us but glad you are seeking help. First things first: If your name is anything close to your screen name (which I won't post), change it to something obscure. It's better to be safe than sorry.

Your wife's denial is typical which is why it's better to have ironclad irrefutable proof before confronting. But it's not too late to make a plan and proceed.

It's a weekend so it may be slow on the forums. You might ask the moderators to move your thread to the Infidelity and Abandonment forum. Just hit the "Notify" button on the lower right of a message box or email "admin@Marriageadvocates.com"

Again, welcome.

Ace


We're overcoming decades of marital dysfunction including abuse, passive aggression, gas-lighting & infidelity (both of us).

Our Weird and Ongoing Story
Re: I have caught my wife cheating... [Re: JBPete72] #425980
07/09/17 07:15 PM
07/09/17 07:15 PM
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 10,015
S
SmilingWife Offline
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SmilingWife  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 10,015

Welcome to Marriage Advocates. I'm sorry you find yourself here but I think you'll find a lot of good support .

I know the other man and his wife are now divorced. But if I were you I would call the ex-wife and talk to her about it. She may have a lot more evidence than you know about


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