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Flick : The first part. #40734
12/27/10 09:10 AM
12/27/10 09:10 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 72
New Zealand
Flick Offline OP
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Flick  Offline OP
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 72
New Zealand
I met the OW a my work place, she was a woman who had some big problems and I tried to
help her with them, in the process of trying to help her I ended up getting too close to her, we started an affair which was almost the end of my marriage.

At the beginning of February I was making all sorts of excuses to get out of the
house so that I could sneak off and see OW. Lil is no fool and by the
beginning of March the game was up and told me to get out of our home. I moved in with OW.
This situation only lasted for a week, a truly bad week. It was the Sunday
before Easter when I moved out of home, on the Tuesday I got a phone call from
Fred, he had been unwell and had been to the doctor a few times to find out
what was wrong. On the Tuesday he was told that he had cancer. Fred rang me and asked me to go to Wellington to stay with him while he was getting treatment. I went.
The first visit to the specialist left us in no doubt about how serious Freds cancer was, they said that if he had anything that he wanted to do before he died that he should do it without delay.
Sadly with the constant doctors visits and a course of radiation therapy there
was no time left for Fred to take a final holiday at his holiday spot, the only thing he
said he wanted to do. By the time he was diagnosed the cancer was already
spread throughout his body and he lost condition very fast. During all of this
I was still seeing OW and made a trip every other weekend to see her, she had
relocated to a town about 5 hours drive away, so it was a long trip and that took its toll on everyone.
Eight weeks after I moved in with Fred he died.
What a horrible way to spend eight weeks, I, now, regret wasting some of that time on the cheap piece of meat that was OW.
There was some light on the horizon, I could now go and be with OW, but first there was a holiday to Rarotonga, a family holiday that had been booked months earlier, so the kids and me and Lil went to Rarotonga for a week. Lil and I had both said that it would be easy to stay
away from each other for the week and just get on with having our own fun. It
didn't work like that, you see I was still was still in love with Lil and one
thing lead to another and I moved back home shortly after the holiday. The
holiday was great, I went diving almost every day it was fantastic.
So back at home with Lil and the girls things didn't go to well, I had a very
bad time with depression and I couldn't stand to be around anyone, I just
wanted the world to go away and leave me alone. I got offered a second best
option, my sister (Dorris) in the UK rang up and said she had tickets to go to
the tennis at Wimbledon and that she needed her house painting and that the Le
Mans 24hour Classic was on and I thought it all sounded very good and I booked
a trip for one to the UK. Lil was annoyed that I had decided to go by
myself. A few days after I arrived in England I got a phone call from Lil,
she was kicking me out again because I was still in contact with OW, this
seemed like a good time tell everyone that I really had had a guts full of
Lil and on my return to NZ I would be moving in with OW. But first I had 2
weeks in England and a long weekend in France to get through. What can I say,
the tennis was made great by a fair helping of Pimms, the painting was just painting, seeing Stone Henge and Salisbury Cathedral (again) was
interesting and Le Mans was awesome, loads of the most amazing cars ever and
an almost endless supply of cheap cider. It was a really good time away with
Dorris and it gave me some thinking room.
So I returned to NZ and moved in with OW, then 3 days later I moved out. I
came to a very sudden realisation that I could never be happy with her and
that what I really wanted was to be back at home with Lil and the girls. I realised that I was throwing away my true love for Lil, my belief system was going straight to hell in a hand basket, basically I had "sold out" and gone over to the dark side.
I had to agree to a list of conditions from Lil, they were all very sensible,
counselling and doing a marriage building program and never having any contact
with OW again, just to mention the major ones. It has been 5 months now since I moved back home, Lil and I are happier than we have been in a very long time. We are coming up to our
13th anniversary next week.

The above words are an edited version of a letter I wrote to a friend two years ago.

It has now been 2 years and 5 months since the A ended.
Lil and I will celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary in 10 days time.
I have had no contact with OW and no desire to so.
Lil and I are happier now than ever before.


Been there, done that, wish I'd just stayed home.
Re: Flick : The first part. [Re: Flick] #40751
12/27/10 01:59 PM
12/27/10 01:59 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 1,737
Vittoria Offline
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Thanks for sharing Flick, I know it's not the most pleasant part of our history to put out there.

I'm glad to read how well you guys are doing.
Happy Anniversary now, in case I forget later! dancing


26 yrs. married
There's nothing more powerful than a woman with an open heart ......
Re: Flick : The first part. [Re: Vittoria] #40809
12/27/10 04:59 PM
12/27/10 04:59 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,883
Gateway to the West
N
Not2fun Offline
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Not2fun  Offline
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Gateway to the West
Very Nicely said, Flick!!!!!

You have an amazing woman in Lil......but you've always known that!!!!

"The Dark side"....how very aptly named..

{{{{Flick and Lil}}}}

Not


" If you couldn't change your partner when you were together, you sure aren't going to now that you aren't together..." Words of the teacher of the court mandated parenting class...and the ONE thing that stuck out to me!!!
Re: Flick : The first part. [Re: Flick] #44616
01/04/11 02:40 PM
01/04/11 02:40 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,333
Ace Online
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Ace  Online
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CONGRATULATIONS AND HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, LIL AND FLICK! claps

I do have a question but it's minor:

Click to reveal..
By your subtitle "the first part" do you mean that you will write a "second or subsequent part(s)?" Or did you mean that Lil's recent short version post (with a link to the long version) is the "second part"?

Thanks to you both for sharing your inspiring stories.

Ace


We're overcoming decades of marital dysfunction including abuse, passive aggression, gas-lighting & infidelity (both of us).

Our Weird and Ongoing Story
Re: Flick : The first part. [Re: Ace] #45034
01/05/11 03:55 AM
01/05/11 03:55 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 72
New Zealand
Flick Offline OP
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Flick  Offline OP
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 72
New Zealand
The title "The First Part" was not meant to indicate that there would be a second part to this post. The title was simply to indicate that this is the first part of my story, the answer to the often asked question "Why am I here?"

Actually I think part 1 would be more of an answer to the question "Why did I start to think that an A was acceptable?" That question has probably been touched on in early posts on MB forum.

I might revisit this question one day.


Been there, done that, wish I'd just stayed home.
Re: Flick : The first part. [Re: Flick] #45123
01/05/11 02:01 PM
01/05/11 02:01 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
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OurHouse Offline
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Quote:
I might revisit this question one day.


I think that would be interesting. I am forever wondering why/how various people can find themselves miserable in their current marriage/life situation. Person A will cheat, person B will not. Why? I wish I had the answer. I'd write a book and start my own internet forum! LOL

Re: Flick : The first part. [Re: Flick] #45134
01/05/11 02:29 PM
01/05/11 02:29 PM
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 19
Under a crescent moon
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GoldenYears Offline
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Under a crescent moon
Happy Anniversary, Lil and Flick.

Flick, I appreciate your re-telling your story here. I'd never read it before. You are about 6 months ahead of us in recovery. My FWH cannot bring himself to post, despite his many other efforts to recover our marriage.

GY

Re: Flick : The first part. [Re: Flick] #423851
06/01/17 03:20 AM
06/01/17 03:20 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,333
Ace Online
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Ace  Online
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,333
Originally Posted By: Flick
The title "The First Part" was not meant to indicate that there would be a second part to this post. The title was simply to indicate that this is the first part of my story, the answer to the often asked question "Why am I here?"

<snip>

I might revisit this question one day.


Hi Flick and Lil.....I know you may not read this for a while but I'm posting it anyway.

A ways back Lil mentioned that you two might come to the US again near the end of the decade. I just wanted to initiate a standing invitation to you both to join many of us "HERE," on a beautiful beach in Florida in mid November, 2017, 2018 or even 2019.

If anyone else reading this is interested in attending an IRL gathering in FL, PM me for details.

Hope all is well.

Ace



We're overcoming decades of marital dysfunction including abuse, passive aggression, gas-lighting & infidelity (both of us).

Our Weird and Ongoing Story
Re: Flick : The first part. [Re: Ace] #424402
06/08/17 08:14 PM
06/08/17 08:14 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,405
right here waiting Offline
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right here waiting  Offline
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Oh, wow, it would be amazing to meet Lil and Flick! We had a great time last November--hope the folks who made that one will attend this year!


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