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Re: I'll just call this no good deed goes unpunished [Re: kerala] #418861
01/27/17 03:49 AM
01/27/17 03:49 AM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 6,968
holdingontoit Offline
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holdingontoit  Offline
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Posts: 6,968
Glad to hear they are out. Now change the locks.


Solutions? There are none. There are decisions.
Re: I'll just call this no good deed goes unpunished [Re: holdingontoit] #418873
01/27/17 01:49 PM
01/27/17 01:49 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,383
midwest
Miranda Offline
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Miranda  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,383
midwest
B

I think at the point you stopped charging her rent, things really started going badly and here's why. When you aren't charging someone for something, they stop valuing it! It's just that nature of thing. It's sad and unfortunate, but it's the way of things. I know you're saying "that shouldn't BE!" But it happens every single time.

I've seen this up close a million times. My father used to do car repair work for people in our neighborhood. When things got bad for people, he'd sometimes start doing it for free, then people who were always GOOD people would start taking advantage.

My husband will offer to photograph something for someone, then decide not to charge them, THESE are the ones who always become raging, entitled monsters. As long as we are charging something, the deal stays smooth.

The other thing is that when you take the money out of the equation, all of a sudden it shifts away from a business relationship and into something else. Both for you and for the other person. Expectations shift, sometimes the shifts are subtle, but they're still enough to make it awful and awkward.

So I'd say in the future to be very careful to always charge, and make no exceptions about the money (or rules) and also to be sure to keep things on the terms of a friendly BUSINESS relationship.


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: I'll just call this no good deed goes unpunished [Re: Miranda] #418894
01/28/17 04:50 AM
01/28/17 04:50 AM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 10,726
HI
O
Orchid2 Offline
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Orchid2  Offline
Ambassador
O
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 10,726
HI
I'd say that good intentions don't always result in good or happy endings. Y? Well for some recipients feel they become entitled. Not all but some. Seems those 'some' end up in front of the nicest folks.

B, you are one of those 'nice folks' and your former tenant seems to have hooked with one of those not so nice folks. He influenced your tenant that caused you undue pressure a period of time. Is it a big deal? Well if you think about how much this has raised concerns by folks who care about you and yourself, it is big enough of a big deal. Don't let anyone tell you anything less.

So B, give yourself a rest from borders. Relax in your own home.

You certainly deserve it and for what it's worth, some of us will rest easier as well. smile

Take care,
Orchid

Re: I'll just call this no good deed goes unpunished [Re: kerala] #419371
02/09/17 05:04 AM
02/09/17 05:04 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 8,722
NewEveryDay Offline
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NewEveryDay  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 8,722
Hi believer, how did it go? What did you decide about re-renting the room?


"I have everything I need." and "I am exactly where I am supposed to be." ~Louise Hays
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