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Re: Am I still a doormat?
[Re: holdingontoit]
#417899
01/03/17 08:33 PM
01/03/17 08:33 PM
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 10,749 HI
Orchid2
Ambassador
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Ambassador
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 10,749
HI
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Hold, It makes me sad that you feel down. As we get older our POV does change. However, we should be working towards improving our lives and not ignoring our challenges. No easy fix, right? I tend to feel like you do at times and it is not my norm to do so. So it is an internal fight for me. I don't have a spouse as supportive as you have. I have a bit less. He can't see that and I'm too tired to try to keep helping him in that direction. So in a sense I have given up and working to move forward myself. I've reconciled and ok with it because I know I have to be. Still I find that caring and humor are an intricate part of my personality so I am not so dumb as to think no one on this planet cares. I know many do and some with great humor to boot. My mission is to partner with such ones on big and little quests. To teach my son to have care in his heart along with a bit of humor. It is a big challenge for me since my son has a strong pull from H's side of the family regarding guarding his feelings in a not so safe manner. He pulls from me as well and he is working on finding his balance. A bit of a slow learner but I'm hoping he isn't as slow as his dad who is 55 and hasn't figured out life yet. I hope you do find your place of comfort and not feel depressed. I wish I could sprinkle or give you that magic potion but I think that potion is still illegal in large quantities.  So I will encourage you to seek remedies out that are both legal and viable. Maybe aroma therapy, some good tapping or other alternative medicine remedies. Some of those emotional therapies bring out deep seated emotions that causes a break through so the healing can begin. Maybe hot yoga? I don't know much about it. My therapy is working and well.....that's what I've got to do..... Take care, Orchid
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Re: Am I still a doormat?
[Re: holdingontoit]
#417972
01/05/17 02:45 AM
01/05/17 02:45 AM
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 10,749 HI
Orchid2
Ambassador
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Ambassador
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 10,749
HI
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Thanks for thinking of me. Sincerely, not snarky. This place is as close to friends as I have in life.
As for the articles, that is me. Addicted to unhappiness. Did you see this quote in the second article? They even mentioned me by name!
“This is important because it suggests that depressed individuals may sometimes be unsuccessful in decreasing their sadness in daily life because, in some sense, they hold on to it.” Ok, now what I'm about to post needs to be taken with love....ok? I read your above post and was eating my lunch......almost lost it when I read: 'They even mentioned me by name!.........because, in some sense, they hold on to it.” Ok, now you know HOLD that is not how we think about you....... Ok? U r a good man and you've been there for many of us, helping us get through some difficult times. That means we r here 4 u 2. Have to go clean up my keyboard now.....(jk).  Orchid
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Re: Am I still a doormat?
[Re: Miranda]
#418616
01/20/17 03:00 PM
01/20/17 03:00 PM
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,333
Ace
Advocate
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Advocate
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,333
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Re: Am I still a doormat?
[Re: LovingAnyway]
#418634
01/20/17 06:50 PM
01/20/17 06:50 PM
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 10,042
SmilingWife
Global Moderator
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Global Moderator
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 10,042
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Re: Am I still a doormat?
[Re: holdingontoit]
#418815
01/25/17 05:37 PM
01/25/17 05:37 PM
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,309 Colorado
LovingAnyway
Member
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Member
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,309
Colorado
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I have no pity for you, Hold. You're a truly marvelous human to know. I do attempt to encourage or discourage you. You got me there. So if you don't want me on your thread, just say the word. I still fear doing harm. I can be risk-averse as well.
Where my question came from--I read where she took your charge card while you slept. Where you had an agreement on the way to pay for something and she then changed it and charged without your knowledge...and then told you afterwards. I don't see any difference than having an affair and telling you about it afterwards, again and again. Because it's not merely financial--it hits honesty, respect and trust. But you might be inured to it by now?
I don't understand the non-pooled money, though. It has always seemed to me that one operating account for the marriage was the symbol of both being all in, in a marriage. Not your money, not her money, but the marital money.
We're moved and retired--but our old neighbors didn't do that. They had separate accounts throughout their marriage and it ended in divorce over money. Because it breaks trust and separates decisions that affect both partners. So I need your help figuring out how the separate account thing helps the marriage.
Also--what video games do you play? We've been playing Hearthstone.
LA
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