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And life goes on.....
#414228
09/29/16 02:19 PM
09/29/16 02:19 PM
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Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 656
MaidUpName
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I've decided to make a new start. My original thread is too focused on the ending of my marriage, his affair, our struggles and all things infidelity related. So a new theead is in order, a place where I can muse on all things everyday and look for advice, support, guidance etc. on stuff that has nothing to do with infidelity. And what prompted this? loads of things - * life is no longer controlled or defined by his actions and infidelity * we have successfully moved into a much better more positive place * I've accepted that our future no longer needs him and his choices going forward are irrelavent. * I have two of the most fantastic boys who are achieving wonderful things and I want to share their achievement and struggles without it always coming back to their Father's choices and actions And there's so much more. But today In particular I've come face to face with how well we've managed over the last year and how not having a father in their lives hasn't held them back. Ds13 is in his second year in a all boys Jesuit school. The transition from primary to secondary was a pretty steep learning curve complicated by a change in language, no friends from his primary school and a 45 min. commute into the city on a public bus. To complicate things, I was in training full time last year so I was managing my studies, all household and parenting tasks and co-ordinating two boys in two different schools 20 miles from each other. And we made it work  Today I got a message from DS13 to say he had been awarded three ties for special achievement within the school last year. Every year the school have a ceremony which recognizes special achievements/effort. The school ethos is "to be a man for all men" and the ties are awarded to students who in the opinion of teachers and senior students have worked towards and achieved that principle. DS was awarded a tie for social justice - he worked with a school based charity to raise funds for less well off and local children living in poverty. He was awarded a tie for co-cirrucular achievements, he won two national awards for drama last year and had a lead role in the school musical. And he was awarded a tie for research and presentation skills for a history project he completed and presented to the public over a three day event. And all of this while keeping up with his studies and dealing with A new and evolving family environment. The ties can be worn in school and are a visual sign of what a student has achieved. I'm so so proud of him. He struggles academically and is severly dyslexic so will probably never achieve a tie for academic excellence but quite frankly, I'd far rather he was recognized for his social conscience and willingness to help others around him. It would appear that not having his father involved really hasn't held him back MUN
Last edited by MaidUpName; 09/29/16 02:20 PM.
You have brains in your head You have feet in your shoes You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own and you know what you know And YOU are the one who'll decide where you go Dr Seuss
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Re: And life goes on.....
[Re: Blair]
#414248
09/30/16 06:37 AM
09/30/16 06:37 AM
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 20,451
catperson
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Re: And life goes on.....
[Re: star*fish]
#414397
10/05/16 04:29 PM
10/05/16 04:29 PM
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Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 656
MaidUpName
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Thanks all Today was one of those days when I honestly believe I can feel the universe shifting in my favour. The workplacement I did over the summer didn't turn into a full time job but they asked me to cover off some annual leave last week and this week. Today I was asked to take a position up to Dec. 2. A minor battle about hourly rates resulted if me getting a reasonable rate with a promise to review should things continue on beyond December. It's 25 hours a week, 10 minutes from home 8.30 to 1.30 so doesn't require childcare. We can make this one work too And I've been having an ongoing battle with DS13s school about their unilateral decision to drop him from higher level maths to ordinary level. I'm having none of it and turned into THAT Mum! Today they agreed to put him back into higher level and provide support to cover off what he has missed in the last month. I'll work with him evenings and weekends to make sure he keeps up to speed - I did maths for my first year in University so reckon I shouldn't find this too challenging! And in general things are good. My Dad is settling back home, we have 5 hours a day nursing support so my Mum isn't trying to manage everything herself. Now that she can leave him and know he's safe she's started connecting with some of her old friends and doing things for herself. I don't believe he'll be able to stay at home long term but for now, this is working. So basically all good here, lots of change and lots of new challenges but I think for now the universe is smiling on us  MUN
You have brains in your head You have feet in your shoes You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own and you know what you know And YOU are the one who'll decide where you go Dr Seuss
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Re: And life goes on.....
[Re: Blair]
#414413
10/06/16 12:07 AM
10/06/16 12:07 AM
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 20,451
catperson
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Re: And life goes on.....
[Re: star*fish]
#414773
10/14/16 06:17 PM
10/14/16 06:17 PM
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Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 656
MaidUpName
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Week one down and my brain is melted!! I'm techy, I can program an ATM, rebuild a laptop/PC, convince a customer why they need to invest in technology etc. but NEVER in my working career have I had to deal with so much data/data analysis. I got three days training and was on my own today  . And I think everything went ok. At least, nobody came hurtling over to me as I sent out the reports telling me I'd made a complete arse of them. (But then again I left at 1.30  ) But it's hard going and there seems to be so many balls to keep in the air. Unfortunately I can no longer rely on my Mum to help out to the same extent as my Dad is deteriorating fast so now it really is all up to me! Ds10 is in good shape, living in the here and now and just generally getting on with life. He's my sanity - always upbeat, always fun. DS13 is in a funny place - teenage hormones kicking in in a major way. It's his birthday at the end of the month and he has heard nothing from his father. As I said to him, he told him he wanted nothing to do with him, he can't now get upset that he was taken at his word. That said, his Father is supposedly an adult and one would have hoped that he might make some effort to rebuild the relationship. DS is being kept rediculously busy between school and extra curricular activities. He's involved in two school musicals, performing in the junior one and doing scenery and stage hand for the senior one. He's also very involved in the local scout group, does swimming and life saving and now is taking two extra maths classes a week and working with me every evening to get him back to higher level. He's been very good about it - the two extra classes are before school and he has to be on a bus at 7am which means having to be up about 6.15. They're long days for both him and me! But basically we're making it work. Tonight they have swimming so I'm up in the sports club waiting for them to finish and we're going to order dinner in the bar. One dinner of burgers and chips won't do them any harm and it means that not only do I not have to cook, I don't have to clean up either! MUN
You have brains in your head You have feet in your shoes You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own and you know what you know And YOU are the one who'll decide where you go Dr Seuss
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Re: And life goes on.....
[Re: MaidUpName]
#415246
10/24/16 01:43 PM
10/24/16 01:43 PM
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Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 656
MaidUpName
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The boys birthdays always seem to throw me into a downwards spiral. Today DS turns 14. I remember the day he was born so vividly, his birth cemented our little family - we were now parents, we had someone other than ourselves to think about. We were "a family" And I believed that family was rock solid and that we could battle through anything that came our way. And we had our fair share of ups and downs and I thought we were a pretty good team. Until infidelity and entitlement reared their ugly heads! This weekend WD was here. DS agreed to meet him for about an hour - he's a pretty typical kid, he wanted a birthday present from his father. So he got a €15 iTunes voucher and a fridge magnet! Thankfully he has my dark sense of humour and outwardly at least, rather than being hurt by his father's complete lack of imagination he saw the funny side. But I'm hurt on his behalf. It was so thoughtless and showed a total disinterest in DSs hobbies and interests. Something small for scouts or that he could use for his craft or art activities would at least have been useful, not to mention the fact that his father earns a substantial income and very little of it is spent on the boys. I can't help wondering where exactly it all went wrong  . This week is chaotic. DS once again has a principle role on his school musical and they're playing to a packed theatre next Friday - Sunday. He's in rehersals every night until 9 and I'm going to have to drag Ds10 out with me to collect him as it's not safe for him to get the bus home that late at night. It's times like this I really miss having someone else just to help out with the practicalities. Ok, sorry, not quite so upbeat but today I'm just sad and missing the future I believed we would be able to give the boys. MUN
Last edited by MaidUpName; 10/24/16 02:02 PM. Reason: 'Cause I can't type!
You have brains in your head You have feet in your shoes You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own and you know what you know And YOU are the one who'll decide where you go Dr Seuss
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Re: And life goes on.....
[Re: holdingontoit]
#415268
10/24/16 06:31 PM
10/24/16 06:31 PM
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Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 6,419
whatsupdoc?
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I can understand the disinterest, sometimes it is like the WS (or in my case xh) completely forgets his past life.
When people get the info about the affair, they usually play Switzerland, really no one wants to take sides nor get involved.
When they hear about the treatment of our girls, I've had people ask; "Are these his BIOLOGICAL children?"
I guess many are simply surprised that a father could show such disregard for his own offspring.
Last edited by whatsupdoc?; 10/24/16 06:32 PM.
Me: 50 XH: 13 - well, does emotional age count? DD1: 24 DD2: 20 30 year partnership...
M: Dec, 1987 Bomb: May 12, 2014 D: Oct, 2015 Ratz. I am learning how to surf!
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