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New retreat opportunity for couples! #410835
06/10/16 01:02 PM
06/10/16 01:02 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,385
Utah
Kayla Offline OP
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Kayla  Offline OP
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,385
Utah
I've had a few friends tell me how wonderful this organization is in helping their marriage and also in their personal development. They have a marriage retreat coming up on June 22 thru 24 in Utah - but I think they hold this retreat about every three months.

Limitless Connection


Consider that we don't have to live with the consequences of our advice in your life. Act according to what you can live with!
Update on the experience [Re: Kayla] #411410
06/24/16 01:11 AM
06/24/16 01:11 AM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,385
Utah
Kayla Offline OP
Member
Kayla  Offline OP
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,385
Utah
One of the instructors for this retreat is Gerald Rogers, who wrote "The Marriage Advice I Wish I Would've Had".

Today Show Interview September 2013

The Facebook post that went viral: The Marriage Advice I Wish I Would've Had

The training isn't necessarily for couples, but I can definitely see an impact.

Day 3 tomorrow.

edit to include all 20 points, as huff post only had a few:
Quote:
Gerald Rogers
July 28, 2013 ∑

MARRIAGE ADVICE I WISH I WOULD HAVE HAD:

Obviously, Iím not a relationship expert. But thereís something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done differentÖ After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, hereís the advice I wish I would have had...

1) Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. Youíre not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESNíT HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you donít take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you canít help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5) ITíS NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HERÖ your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether itís what you wanted or not.

6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions: Itís not your wifeís job to make you happy, and she CANíT make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7) NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal themÖ when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

8) Allow your woman to JUST BE. When sheís sad or upset, itís not your job to fix it, itís your job to HOLD HER and let her know itís ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that sheís important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to youÖ DONíT RUN-AWAY WHEN SHEíS UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you arenít going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9) BE SILLYÖ donít take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAYÖ learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11) BE PRESENT. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13) DONíT BE AN IDIOTÖ. And donít be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. Youíre not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14) GIVE HER SPACEÖ The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to singÖ. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15) BE VULNERABLEÖ you donít have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHINGÖ Especially those things you donít want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don't know i she will like what she finds... Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASKÖ If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHERÖ The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18) DONíT WORRY ABOUT MONEY. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Donít let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

In the end MARRIAGE isnít about Happily ever after. Itís about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come.

Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late.

But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.

The woman that told him 'I do', and trusted her life with him, has been waiting for this man to step up.

If you are reading this and your marriage isnít what you want it to be, take 100% responsibility for YOUR PART in marriage, regardless of where your spouse is at, and commit to applying these lessons while there is time.

MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE : Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you.

Be the type of husband your wife canít help but brag about.
ó with Gerald Rogers.

Last edited by Kayla; 06/24/16 01:53 AM.

Consider that we don't have to live with the consequences of our advice in your life. Act according to what you can live with!
Re: Update on the experience [Re: Kayla] #411418
06/24/16 04:34 PM
06/24/16 04:34 PM
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 34
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Rainshine Offline
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Thanks for sharing this.
Why is it that some men would balk at the above. Like as if to do it would be tearing up their man card?

Re: Update on the experience [Re: Rainshine] #411419
06/24/16 04:57 PM
06/24/16 04:57 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,383
midwest
Miranda Offline
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Miranda  Offline
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Posts: 13,383
midwest
That's good stuff right there


When we open to this moment and don't judge it or try to change it, even when we're suffering and wish it were otherwise, we tap into the spaciousness of mind that allows us to move forward skillfully, with discernment and joy. -- Sharon Salzberg
Re: Update on the experience [Re: Kayla] #411420
06/24/16 06:21 PM
06/24/16 06:21 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 12,611
The Dark Side of the Moon
AntigoneRisen Offline
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AntigoneRisen  Offline
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The Dark Side of the Moon
Excellent post, Kayla!


Critical Thinking: The Other National Deficit

"That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence." - Christopher Hitchens
Re: Update on the experience [Re: AntigoneRisen] #411423
06/25/16 01:57 AM
06/25/16 01:57 AM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,385
Utah
Kayla Offline OP
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Kayla  Offline OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,385
Utah
Getting to meet Gerald was a real treat and to learn from him. He's very humble. The people on his team are amazing.

My best take-away from this is what it really means to be unconditional. The experience is the complete opposite from the orientation of the contractual way teaching about emotional needs has morphed into for some people.

This was about opening up to a whole new way of thinking about who owns the problem, who has the solution, shifting energy from resistance (this was a big one for me) to openness and acceptance and love. Those parts of K-man's personality that really irritated me, I found myself noticing, but being able to see the man I love without those things robbing me of that feeling.

I got to work on my wounded relationship with my mother. I got to see my son in a new light.

Most of all, I got to see myself in a new light. I got to see where I had bought into lies about myself, and some of those lies came from me - like that I'm not good enough, or pretty enough, or whatever-enough. Most of all, the lie that I avoid doing hard things, taking risks or playing "all-in".

Other people were making other breakthroughs in their relationships with their spouses, children and themselves. Some healed a broken relationship with God and with life. Some broke their victim/villain/rescuer cycle with some amazing personal truths that helped them forgive their former perpetrators and themselves for holding onto that pain for as long as it took.

Like I said, a most amazing 3 days.


Consider that we don't have to live with the consequences of our advice in your life. Act according to what you can live with!
Re: Update on the experience [Re: Kayla] #411767
07/05/16 11:49 AM
07/05/16 11:49 AM
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 10,034
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SmilingWife Offline
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Wow. That is a great article. I did see the FB post but the entire thing is so much better.

Thank you for sharing.


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