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Re: Penny's Ask Me Anything 12-16-15 [Re: believer] #405307
02/18/16 03:16 AM
02/18/16 03:16 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 135
Wisconsin
Penny_Tupy Offline OP
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Penny_Tupy  Offline OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 135
Wisconsin
And then what ....


For one on one professional help for your marriage contact me at penny(dot)tupy@yahoo.com for more information including rates and available times.
Re: Penny's Ask Me Anything 12-16-15 [Re: Penny_Tupy] #405310
02/18/16 03:48 AM
02/18/16 03:48 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,333
Ace Online
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Ace  Online
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,333
.

Last edited by Ace; 02/18/16 04:31 AM. Reason: to keep B's story together after we posted simultaneously--- I moved my post below...
Re: Penny's Ask Me Anything 12-16-15 [Re: Penny_Tupy] #405311
02/18/16 03:48 AM
02/18/16 03:48 AM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 20,616
B
believer Offline
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believer  Offline
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B
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 20,616
And then he kept walking the dog and checking on the neighbor. Her husband came home safe and sound 8 months later, and she left him and her 12-year-old daughter to move in with my husband.

Your idea of people bonding over very emotional things made me think of it. She was afraid for her husband, and my husband was very supportive of our soldiers.

Like you said, it was a slippery slope.

I hung on for 3 and a half years, and then divorced him. The OW dumped my husband the week our divorce was final. Her husband had divorced her by that time.


"I feel sad that I focused so much on his potential and so little on mine."
Re: Penny's Ask Me Anything 12-16-15 [Re: believer] #405312
02/18/16 04:05 AM
02/18/16 04:05 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,333
Ace Online
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Ace  Online
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Posts: 3,333
Originally Posted By: Penny_Tupy


So what is the status of your H's affair and your marriage now?

P


It's been 10 years this spring since my H's online/phone/US Mail EA. They never met in real life but they had phone sex, exchanged trinkets, he rented her a PO box and took her emails at work where I had no access......until I did....looked online while at his work to find something and....voila! D-Day 2 occurred.

There were a total of 4 D-Days in 6 months and I gave up.

He had a sudden awakening when he realized I was serious and he defogged ...or I should say "started" to defog rather quickly.

I gave him an ultimatum and he said he'd do anything to help me heal for as long as it took. I found MB, started posting, called Dr./Mrs. Harley, signed up for one of the last MB Weekends and we attended in early 2007.

I set a high bar and did not expect H to follow through....but he did. He even made the MC appointments to see our really tough MC on a regular basis for several months.

Anyhow, 10 years later, we're still together and doing well for the most part, but recently I've been challenged by triggers, which I'm beginning to realize will never ever totally go away. I'm still learning tools to deal with them....how to recreate memories....trying to focus on the future and not dwell on the past.

H understands this process could possibly last the rest of our lives. I thought that if I quit posting and reading about affairs so often, it might lessen my triggers and it has to a certain extent.

Our tough MC says we should see him every year for a tune-up whether we need it or not. It's been over 18 months so we're getting ready to see MC to help us with some recent bumps in the road. I've posted some of it on my recovery thread....(sorry, can't remember how to link to it) but it's on the recovery forum.

Gotta run but again, thanks for all your help.

Ace


We're overcoming decades of marital dysfunction including abuse, passive aggression, gas-lighting & infidelity (both of us).

Our Weird and Ongoing Story
Re: Penny's Ask Me Anything 12-16-15 [Re: Ace] #405840
03/01/16 02:32 PM
03/01/16 02:32 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 135
Wisconsin
Penny_Tupy Offline OP
Member
Penny_Tupy  Offline OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 135
Wisconsin
Hi everyone,

We will be travelling tomorrow night during our usual AMA time. If you have questions or comments before then feel free to post. I'll do my best to look in earlier in the day if I have internet access.

Otherwise, see you all next week!

P


For one on one professional help for your marriage contact me at penny(dot)tupy@yahoo.com for more information including rates and available times.
Re: Penny's Ask Me Anything 12-16-15 [Re: Penny_Tupy] #406265
03/10/16 03:08 AM
03/10/16 03:08 AM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 20,616
B
believer Offline
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believer  Offline
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B
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 20,616
Hey, Penny -

A quick question for when you're back.

How does a person handle horrible or no gifts from their spouse on birthdays or holidays? I've been chatting to another member here about it and really can't give advice.

In both of my marriages, my husbands started out good until we married. Then they started disappointing me with their gifts or lack of them.

Material things aren't that important to me, but I need to know that my partner is thinking about me and trying to please me. And I'm easy to please, but seem to have set the bar too low.

I'm talking about little to nothing on important holidays, and I'm not going to buy "he just doesn't think holidays are that important", because he clearly did while courting me and also did with the OW.


"I feel sad that I focused so much on his potential and so little on mine."
Re: Penny's Ask Me Anything 12-16-15 [Re: believer] #406268
03/10/16 03:58 AM
03/10/16 03:58 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 7,405
right here waiting Offline
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right here waiting  Offline
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Posts: 7,405
Hey, everyone, we've just gotten word that Penny has had a family emergency that had her in attendance at the hospital instead of interacting with us on this thread.

Not sure when she will be able to resume discussions here, but we'll keep you posted as we are updated. In the meantime, we ask for your thoughts, prayers and good wishes for her and her family.

Re: Penny's Ask Me Anything 12-16-15 [Re: right here waiting] #406534
03/16/16 02:25 PM
03/16/16 02:25 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 135
Wisconsin
Penny_Tupy Offline OP
Member
Penny_Tupy  Offline OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 135
Wisconsin
Good morning, everyone. Thanks to RHW for posting the above announcement for me. I will be here this evening, although likely for an abbreviated time. Looking forward to resuming our discussion.

xo

P


For one on one professional help for your marriage contact me at penny(dot)tupy@yahoo.com for more information including rates and available times.
Re: Penny's Ask Me Anything 12-16-15 [Re: Penny_Tupy] #406561
03/16/16 11:35 PM
03/16/16 11:35 PM
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 10,034
S
SmilingWife Offline
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SmilingWife  Offline
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S
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 10,034
I have an issue. My husband and I are not of one mind on how to handle our money. Maybe someone who knows our story can tell a brief summary of it. But I don't know how to approach him now.

Re: Penny's Ask Me Anything 12-16-15 [Re: Penny_Tupy] #407232
03/31/16 07:48 AM
03/31/16 07:48 AM
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 655
MaidUpName Offline
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Posts: 655
I hope everything's ok with Penny - I miss catching up with her discussions on a Thursday morning.


You have brains in your head
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own and you know what you know
And YOU are the one who'll decide where you go
Dr Seuss
Re: Penny's Ask Me Anything 12-16-15 [Re: MaidUpName] #407239
03/31/16 02:22 PM
03/31/16 02:22 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 12,611
The Dark Side of the Moon
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The Dark Side of the Moon
She will check in and respond as she can, though that may not be often.


Critical Thinking: The Other National Deficit

"That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence." - Christopher Hitchens
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